We pride ourselves on having the friendliest
and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment
for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers.
If you have any problems registering please drop an email to email@example.com.
Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!
and no, you're not crazy. It is a sad fact of life that sometimes just because a relationship is over, doesn't mean the feelings are. It sounds to me like she is still angry about the breakup and is taking it out on both you and your husband and also on his son. Kids need both parents UNLESS there is a darn good reason why one should not be involved. There is nothing like that here. In YOUR house, YOUR rules are what goes. She can have whatever rules she wants in HER house but she doesn't get to dictate that in YOUR OWN HOME! Unless she wants to pay the bills, she can stay out of it. Now obviusly, if yoru rules were things like nothing but candy for dinner and no bedtimes, she might have some say in that because it affects the child's health BUT barring that, you get to decide punishments--within reason--bedtimes, what happens to a child that talks back, what happens when rooms are left messy...all the usual stuff. That's what parents do! I agree she needs to grow up and stop interfering in your lives and stop using the child as a way to get back at your DF for dumping the and I think we can ALL understand why he did so. Your DF has RIGHTS and he needs to get them down on paper and filed so that they can be enforced. You're not "free babysitters", you are the father and stepmother of a child and you have certain rights as far as the care and upbringing of that child--within reason.
Hang in there...it will eventually get better. After all, they do grow up...
I am sorry you are going through this. Dealing with DSS's mother has to be very difficult for you. I"m sure we have all BTDT. My best suggestion is talk to DF and tell him he needs to help you out in this matter. And in my opinion you have every right to tell him to stop hitting your daughter. That is not fair! It sounds like the mother has some real issues that she needs to have addressed. Whether she does it is a completely different story. Why are you waiting till March to go to court? I have had similar issues with my DSD's mom but we worked things out once we sat down and actually talked. It sounds to me like his mom is off the deep end and is selfish and won't take anything into consideration. Try and keep your chin up, talk to DF and make him talk to her. She is being completely unreasonable. You have been around her son since he was a baby and you and DF are getting married, have a child and have been together for quite some time. I think a lot of this plays into her jealousy. If we could all be childish and immature like her I would say tell her to shove it where the sun don't shine but you can't. I hope this all improves for you.
It is sad. No doubt about it. I'm always amazed when people aren't thankful that the other parent wants to be in the life of the child. To me, the fact that her son now has not just one other parent but two should make her feel thankful--just that many more people who love and will care for the child. When my ex started dating and introducing the kids to his "newest", I didn't like it because I knew in my heart the relationships were not going anywhere--my ex is very conservative in many respects and he was dating some really crazy witches! But, other than mentioning it once or twice, I kept my feelings to myself. I did mention that I never introduced the kids to anyone I was dating except for one guy I was serious about and my (now) husband. Other than that, I knew my ex would make his own mistakes and regret bringing these women into the kid's lives. He did. Nuff said. The one thing I was thankful for when one of the relationships lasted a little while was that the woman actually seemed to love my kids. She was nice to them and supportive and brought something to their lives that would not have otherwise been there. And yes, there were a few times when I felt a twinge of jealousy because she planned things with them that I could not do at the time. But those feelings I kept to myself and worked through. The kids and my ex NEVER knew about that. In the end, no matter who he brings into their lives, I am still their mother and they will always love me. that's all that matters. Besides, she turned out to be a bit of a psycho, calling my kids for MONTHS even after her and their father had broken up, wanting them to come spend the weekend with her....I think she may have been "dating" my kids instead of their father! lol
Your DSS's mother may be feeling jealous about what you are able to do for her son OR she may simply be jealous that your DF has found someone to spend the rest of his life with while she is still flitting around trying to find someone. She may also still have feelings for him. Either way, bringing the kid into it as punishment/reward is simply not fair to the child. He didn't ask for his parents to break up nor did he ask for you or the bio-mom's boyfriends to be in the picture. He is completely powerless in this situation and should not be used like that by anyone. If you can reason with her then try. If DF can, let him try. Or perhaps since she seems to get along with DF's father, enlist his help in getting this ridiculous and damaging behavior to stop. Barring that, just wait it out until March and get it court ordered so she CAN'T pull that crap! If she's that poor a mother, you may even go for custody. (basically, she has abandoned the child on various occasions while she was with these other men, thus putting them before her own son! IMO that makes her a bad mother)
Above all else, remember that he is someday going to grow up and see all of this for what it is. If she has cost him years of having a relationship with his father and stepmother, he is going to resent her for it. Eventually, they do see the truth...