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why does df have to be so selfish?


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  #1  
December 12th, 2008, 01:07 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 709
well every night I get home at midnight from work, every morning I get up at 6 to cook him breakfast! I also make his lunch and I also make him a snack for break. every day 2 hours before I leave for work (12) I make dinner. whatever right. Well this morning he asked me to bring him lunch cuz he wanted to see me right...awww....I get there at 12, finally at 12:20 he gets to the car and says he forgot about me coming! I didnt want to take him lunch to begin with because my car is messed up and he knew this but I did it anyways and when he gets in the car and tells me he forgot about me, I said I have been sitting here for 20 minutes and you forgot about me!!!!!!! he turns it all around and says IM GOING BACK TO LUNCH!!! and leaves me hanging. NO APOLOGY NO NOTHING then I text him a bunch of stuff like how can you make me feel bad for sayig i wasnt going to bring u lunch then I do you forget about me and then u try to make me feel bad for being upset!!!!!! I said some more but that is the jist of it! I then text him i love him Im sorry for blowing up and that it hurts when he blows me off like that! He doesnt text me or call me back at all! Then he texts me back what time do I get the baby from school I tell him 315 thats it, so I call him and he ignores my phone calls. then he gets home doesnt say 2 words to me, I ask him so youre not talking to me and he completely ignores me!! WHAT DID I DO!!! I brought him lunch HE FORGOT ABOUT ME!!!!!!! I WAS THE ONE SITTING THERE WAITING FOR HIM! i WAS THE ONE TO GO IN A BROKE DOWN CAR TO BRING HIM A HOT HOME MADE LUNCH!!!! WHY AM i THE ONE WHO IS HURTING HERE! WHAT DID i DO!!!!! O I FEEL SO BAD, iM IN TEARS BAWLING LIKE A LIL KID! I FEEL SO SAD RIGHT NOW! WE DONT USUALLY ARGUE BUT THIS MONTH HAS BEEN SOO STRESSFUL AND ITS LIKE OH WELL, AMBER WILL FIGURE A WAY OUT! aMBER WILL FIGURE OUT HOW TO REPLACE THE 300 DOLLAR CAR NOTE THAT i SPENT! WHY AM i GETTING TO CRAP END HERE, WHY AM I THE ONE WHOS GOTTA FIGURE HIS MISTAKES OUT! UGGGGHHHHHH
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  #2  
December 13th, 2008, 12:16 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,459
I thought you were dumping him for spying on you? What happened there?
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  #3  
December 13th, 2008, 12:20 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 709
ummm? spying on me? that was my ex...hmmmm?
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  #4  
December 14th, 2008, 09:50 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
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Sweetie, I hate to say this but you've created a monster. He now EXPECTS these things from you because YOU always take the blame for everything! You have every right to be FURIOUS at him for forgetting that you were coming down to meet him and yet you're apologizing to him???? Doesn't that sound the least bit wrong to you? And why are you expected to make his lunch when you get to bed only 5 or so hours before he leaves? THIS IS A GROWN MAN WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE! Let him make his own lunch! As far as the car payment...hello? What did he spend it on? Why is it YOUR responsibility to make it up when YOU'RE driving a car that is breaking down???? There is nothing wrong with doing things for your husband but there is something DEFINITELY wrong with being someone's doormat!
You need to decide for yourself if this is the life you want. If it is, then expect things like this for the rest of your life with him. If it isn't, then get to work changing things or getting out!!!! Stop being a doormat!
I'm sorry you're hurt by his behavior and yes, you have every right to be! However, you need to figure out why you feel it's ok for him to treat you like crap and then you feel the obligation to apologize and beg for him to talk to you again. You're a grown woman with responsibilities to yourself and your kids as well as your husband. those responsibilities DO NOT include sacrificing yourself at the altar of HUSBAND! He is NOT God and he darn sure is not treating your respectfully. People will respect others when that respect is due. You're telling him every single day that you aren't worthy of respect or consideration. You asked the question "WHY AM I THE ONE GETTING THE CRAP END HERE?"...because you accept it. That's why.
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  #5  
December 14th, 2008, 02:07 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 709
Wow, ummm....i guess i will say thanks for the reply. I guess I will say that it was a complete misunderstanding on that day. We ended up talking later on that day and he was under the assumption that I wasnt coming because I said I wasnt initially. As far as me getting up in the morning and things like that, I am not expected to do that, I just do. I would already have to get up a half hour later to take my daughter to school so whats a half hour. Yes, I did say sorry to him. Whether it is right in anyones eyes or not, I did say a few things out of line that I was apologizing for. The car situation was spent on some things we needed for the house, but they were things that could have waited and for that reason is why I was upset And the car that is breaking down is temporary. Df drives a truck which I cannot drive at all sooooo we are waiting til next year to buy me a new car. I come on this board to get support. I am not feeling it at all. I am NOT a doormat as said. I do things to make DF happy and we have a really good relationship. This is the first argument we have gotten into in the past 4 months! That day everything was all wrong! He had a really bad day at work, the fertility meds that I am on are causing really bad mood swings. I really got offended by the first response because I would think if you were going to say anything, please make sure you are correct with it. I guess it could be a harmless mistake which I am hoping thats what it was but the 2nd comment was truly out of line. The whole situation was not described in the "vent" a lot was left out that led up to the events and to make assumptions that I let my fiance walk all over me is very upsetting. Like I said, I come on here for support and from the beginning, I felt like I was being judged. Thanks for your time ladies, I will not be posting on this forum anymore. It sucks because I thought this forum would be the one I could really "fit in" but I guess sometimes we are wrong when we assume. Good luck with the ex's and hope everything works out wonderfully for everyone. Happy holidays!
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  #6  
December 15th, 2008, 05:24 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
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Quote:
Wow, ummm....i guess i will say thanks for the reply. I guess I will say that it was a complete misunderstanding on that day. We ended up talking later on that day and he was under the assumption that I wasnt coming because I said I wasnt initially. As far as me getting up in the morning and things like that, I am not expected to do that, I just do. I would already have to get up a half hour later to take my daughter to school so whats a half hour. Yes, I did say sorry to him. Whether it is right in anyones eyes or not, I did say a few things out of line that I was apologizing for. The car situation was spent on some things we needed for the house, but they were things that could have waited and for that reason is why I was upset And the car that is breaking down is temporary. Df drives a truck which I cannot drive at all sooooo we are waiting til next year to buy me a new car. I come on this board to get support. I am not feeling it at all. I am NOT a doormat as said. I do things to make DF happy and we have a really good relationship. This is the first argument we have gotten into in the past 4 months! That day everything was all wrong! He had a really bad day at work, the fertility meds that I am on are causing really bad mood swings. I really got offended by the first response because I would think if you were going to say anything, please make sure you are correct with it. I guess it could be a harmless mistake which I am hoping thats what it was but the 2nd comment was truly out of line. The whole situation was not described in the "vent" a lot was left out that led up to the events and to make assumptions that I let my fiance walk all over me is very upsetting. Like I said, I come on here for support and from the beginning, I felt like I was being judged. Thanks for your time ladies, I will not be posting on this forum anymore. It sucks because I thought this forum would be the one I could really "fit in" but I guess sometimes we are wrong when we assume. Good luck with the ex's and hope everything works out wonderfully for everyone. Happy holidays![/b]
If I offended you with my reply, I am sorry. However, I don't know you and was going by your initial post and the tone of it--which to me was that you were upset because he was treating you like crap! You stated in your post that you "Are getting the crap end here" and that you ALWAYS have to figure out how to pick up after his mistakes. You said that he asked you to come down because he wanted to see you then he forgot about you. Your post sounded to me like you were upset because you are always getting the short end and as far as your saying it's the first argument you've gotten into in the past 4 months--go back and read your initial post! You said "WE DONT USUALLY ARGUE BUT THIS MONTH HAS BEEN SOO STRESSFUL AND ITS LIKE OH WELL, AMBER WILL FIGURE A WAY OUT!" which, to me, sounded like you were saying that you've been arguing a lot lately. I am one person on this board--I don't speak for anyone but myself. If you feel that my response to your post was out of line, I am sorry, and if you feel like I am running you off here by saying what I did, I will refrain from commenting on your future posts. Don't leave because of me. If you leave, it should be because you're not getting what you need from the board itself--not just one person!
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  #7  
December 29th, 2008, 06:35 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
I hope you don't leave. I wasn't around to respond to your post when this unfolded.

I will say that you sounded like he was walking all over you but there are times that when I vent, the way I articulate things, it comes off as if my DH is doing the same. We're upset, and how we write things might not be exactly the way things happened, it's how they feel in our hearts.

On the other side, it does sound like he is taking you for granted too & is being selfish, then again, my DH does the same...A LOT...so I know what it's like to be in your shoes. I feel like if the smallest thing goes wrong it's all my fault, all the negatives are pointed out & the positives are never acknowledged. Which is common in life. We tend to focus on the negatives b/c when things are good, there is no need to complain, right?

You can vent when ever you want. People will sometimes respond in a way that might come off in a way you might not expect. And sometimes you might be happy w/ your responses. Then again, if you are sensitive, like me, things can upset you easily, and a comment, regardless how true it is, can be hard to read/hear.

Know that the comments you get from the ladies above, they said out of love, they care & want you to be okay & don't like it when the ladies are taken for granted etc. I can say that cause I've known them for a while. That's just speaking from personal & past experience w/ them. There are other forums & boards/groups on JM that I might have another opinion about but the ladies on this board (Blended Families) have always been very positive for the most part & really do care.

I hope you reconsider leaving & stick around.

Hope you are doing okay.

HUGS
Chantelle
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  #8  
December 30th, 2008, 11:13 PM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Dreamland...........
Posts: 2,646
Quote:
Wow, ummm....i guess i will say thanks for the reply. I guess I will say that it was a complete misunderstanding on that day. We ended up talking later on that day and he was under the assumption that I wasnt coming because I said I wasnt initially. As far as me getting up in the morning and things like that, I am not expected to do that, I just do. I would already have to get up a half hour later to take my daughter to school so whats a half hour. Yes, I did say sorry to him. Whether it is right in anyones eyes or not, I did say a few things out of line that I was apologizing for. The car situation was spent on some things we needed for the house, but they were things that could have waited and for that reason is why I was upset And the car that is breaking down is temporary. Df drives a truck which I cannot drive at all sooooo we are waiting til next year to buy me a new car. I come on this board to get support. I am not feeling it at all. I am NOT a doormat as said. I do things to make DF happy and we have a really good relationship. This is the first argument we have gotten into in the past 4 months! That day everything was all wrong! He had a really bad day at work, the fertility meds that I am on are causing really bad mood swings. I really got offended by the first response because I would think if you were going to say anything, please make sure you are correct with it. I guess it could be a harmless mistake which I am hoping thats what it was but the 2nd comment was truly out of line. The whole situation was not described in the "vent" a lot was left out that led up to the events and to make assumptions that I let my fiance walk all over me is very upsetting. Like I said, I come on here for support and from the beginning, I felt like I was being judged. Thanks for your time ladies, I will not be posting on this forum anymore. It sucks because I thought this forum would be the one I could really "fit in" but I guess sometimes we are wrong when we assume. Good luck with the ex's and hope everything works out wonderfully for everyone. Happy holidays![/b]
People have problems don't they? Your first post sounded like he was indeed walking all over you. You wrote it that way so that was the impression everyone got out of it. So any reply after that sounded normal to me. Now as to the rest you'll find your way i am sure.....Happy holidays.....
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  #9  
December 31st, 2008, 08:58 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
I just really re-read your original post & I wanted to touch on a couple of things. It reminded me of my ex on a few levels & some of my DH too.

Here you are, making his lunch, bringing him lunch, doing things for him & he's paying you no mind & when you are trying to bring him the lunch or talk to him, he not only forgets about you, he doesn't answer your calls. That's not right on a lot of levels. Now, I don't know if this is normal for him or if he does this a lot or if you guys had an argument leading up to this or what but if you do this for him all the time & he responds in this way all the time & there are no reasons for him to treat you this way, then he is taking you for granted on many levels here.

The fact that you are calling & texting & asking him what you did wrong & telling him that you love him it's almost like begging him for forgiveness in a way for something that you don't even know what you did. I mean, if you did something, actually did something or had a fight the night before, I would get why he might give you the cold shoulder, forget you w/ the lunch & not respond to your calls & stuff, but if you had no arguments & you didn't do a thing to him, I don't know why you are going to him & wondering what you did? If he is acting this way, he is pushing you away for a reason that only HE knows. Right? And if HE is that immature & that self absorbed to treat someone who love's him & cares about him like that, then he is not worth your time & efforts. Easier said than done I know to say this but it's true.

You shouldn't have to "guess" what you've done. In a mature relationship, people are open & honest w/ each other. And if he's not ready to talk in that particular moment, then he should at least say "there is something that is upsetting me, I can't discuss it right now but I want to talk to you when I get home" or something to that nature. Not leave you wondering. Why should you have to wonder & then beg him? Why should you be the one calling & crying? That's not fair.

Sweetie, if he's going to be like that w/ you and if that is how he is treating you, and this is a constant pattern in your relationship, it doesn't sound to be functional on any level. You deserve so much more than that. Again, easier said than done. I have many issues in my relationship that I have to repair as well, but the one thing that I don't tolerate is the cold shoulder & if I have an issue w/ my DH or he has one w/ me, we talk about it, we don't let it go. Actually, one of the issues we have is that we don't wait to talk it out. We talk too soon. Sometimes we should talk after we've thought things through. KWIM?

I dunno. I really feel for you. I don't know if he's like this all the time or not, but if he is, this isn't a good situation for you. If this is something out of character for him, then perhaps it's a bad day or I don't know. What has happened since all of this? Any updates? Anything resolved since this day unfolded?


HUGS
Chantelle
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