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Well as I'm sure that we have all heard the horror stories of the "X" factor and the fact that they put the children in the middle of a battle that they were never asked to be a part of.
My SO and I have been together for just over a year and a half, and he has a DS that is 8 years old. Him and his ex have been divorced for almost 5 years now. He has moved on (obviously), and she has been with NUMEROUS different men (all that my DSS has been expected to call "daddy") but yet continues on a DAILY basis to try and make our lives miserable. But how she does it, is by hurting my DSS. Tonight is our first night back to boy scouts, and we can almost guarantee (due to issues that happened over Christmas) that she isn't going to let us take him. This is something that my SO and DSS do every Monday night since September. It is something that they love doing, but because the "X" isn't happy with her lack of control of things, tells the DSS that he can't go. And on a regular basis tells the DSS that his daddy doesn't love him and that he doesn't want to see him.
It's heartbreaking. My DSS is a very sensitive kid, and never wants anyone's feelings hurt. So he tells my SO this, but feels bad cause he knows that he has hurt his daddy's feelings.
My DSS is 8 years old, 3'1" tall, and weighs 35lbs. His parents split up when he was just about 4, and has pretty much stopped growing. In the year and a half that I have known this little boy, he has barely grown. He's in grade 3 and the smallest kid in his school. The kindergarten kids are bigger than he is. The "X" refuses to give any medical or dental/optical information on who she has apparently taken DSS to. It's a completely uphill battle.
Sorry for the little rant there, but I thought that I would share my story with you. And any advice is greatly appreciated.
I would think that she can't withhold medical information. Dh has joint custody in regards to all major decisions for DSD. He must have access to all medical records, which is simple anyway. Have you tried asking your DSS who his dr is? If you find out the pediatrician, you should be able to find out any specialists that they were referred to.
<span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS">Yes we have tried on NUMEROUS occasions, and her response is, it's none of your business, and what I do with MY son is none of your concern. They have joint custody and she has primary residency, so therefore she assumes that she has SOLE custody. She's a nut bar. We don't have access to his health number either, so we can't even take him to our own doctor. </span>
I would think that having joint custody that she HAS to share that info with him. What happens if he is with you for the weekend and on Saturday breaks his arm? Do you have to wait until she can get him to go to the DR? He should ask for the info and if he doesn't get it then he should take her to court to get the info. That is his DS and if he wants to be invovled and everything he should know what is going on medically.
On a side note my children are all very small too. Sadie is 9.5 and weighes about 40 lbs and Lilly is 7.5 and weighes about 40 lbs and Gabe is almost 4 and weighes 30 lbs (although he is pretty tall). My DR told me that there was a difference between small and mal-nutrition. Is your SO or the bio mom small? I am 5'2 and was always very skinny until I had my last child. Everyone said they would have been surprised if I had "normal- sized" children.
I am not sure that I really helped but I wanted to welcome you anyway!
Thank you ~* Helen *~ for the best all about me siggie! You are absolutely fabulous!
Neither my SO or his ex are small. He was "normal" until their breakup. He was a healthy baby, and on the lower end of the scale, but he was always what was considered "normal".
We have requested this information NUMEROUS times, with no luck. It is now to the point that we have to go back to court. I can almost guarantee that it's malnourishment because the kid will only eat chicken nuggest and fries. He is sooooooooo picky. It's almost impossible to get him to eat anything. When he's with us, we give him multivitamins to try and help, but when we know that he isn't getting it on the other end, it seems like why bother. But we do, just cause we know we are trying to help.
And I think that I had made mention of her denying access yesterday in regards to my DSS's Boy Scouts, well she did it. Because she's mad at my So for something (no reason given, and had her BF call my SO to tell him this). So waiting for her to deny on Friday when it's our weekend. I was so upset last night, I didn't know what to do.
If you are religious, or even if you aren't, please pray for my SO, he's going through such a hard time right now and needs all the help he can get.
Is the boy scout thing in their divorce decree? Or at least the night together? She can't legally deny him access to his child. If this is his weekend & she denies it, he can take the court order & go to the police. They will enforce the court order.
As far as the medical access, I would definitely take her to court. Document everything she is doing so you can hit her with all of it at the same time.
I will pray for your SO and you and your DSS. I know that it is hard when dealing with the X's and that is why we are here.
If there is a court order for weekends I would go to the police if it is not met and then file for a court date. I think that it completely sucks when a parent (which ever it is) denies visits with the child and other parent because they are upset or angry or bitter or what ever it may be. That is just NOT good parenting.
Thank you ~* Helen *~ for the best all about me siggie! You are absolutely fabulous!
It definitely sounds like it is time to go back to court. Make sure you keep record of everything, and I mean everything. I have my papers right in front of me, they may differ due to state but mine state: Regardless of where the children are living, their continued participation in extracirricular activities, school or otherwise shall continue uninterrupted. The residing parent (at time of activity) IS responsible for taking the child, and notifying the non-residential parent...... SO even if she doesn't let your SO use this as his parenting time, it sounds to me that she is still obligated to take him and required to let your SO know so that he can come as well...... I would definitely go back to court, not only for this reason, but defintely if she begins denying weekend access.
<span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS">Thanks for all of your support ladies. This time isn't "assigned" time. This is something that she actually suggested back in September when my DSS started with Boy Scouts. Something that DSS and SO can spend more time together. But because she isn't in control, and she decided that she wasn't letting DSS go, or let us take him. And her reasoning, was well it's just too bad for him (DSS) and for you (SO). She is completely unreasonable, and there's no talking to her. It's not so much denying my SO time with his son, it's the fact that she denied my DSS his time to go to Boy Scouts.
We are going to make sure that every little detail of EVERYTHING is written out in this next order. As for calling the police, here in Canada, (I'm in Saskatchewan) the police won't do anything about it unless there is an enforcement clause in the order, and even then it's an iffy kind of thing as to whether or not they will do anything about it. It's a "civil" matter, so they won't touch it. We've tried, and she's tried on BS claims, so it's like now the police hear her name, and they don't even bother.
I wish that this could be easier, but it's not. I will for surely keep you ladies up to date, and any help on trying to keep DSS happy would be great. We feel that he is regressing now... he's pretending he's a baby (he's 8 now). Talking like one, walking, and acting like one. And we keep telling him that he's 8 and that's not how an 8 year old acts. It's so hard, cause she brainwashes him so badly that the 2 days that we have with him is an attempt to try and reverse it. But when we only have him for 2 days out of 2 weeks, it's hard to do. We try to make our weekends with him as enjoyable as we can, but when fighting the devil, it's hard to do sometimes.
Thanks again for listening, and any and all advice is appreciated!