Were going to have a talk tonight.

#1 January 29th, 2009, 07:48 PM

So I texted tony and told him that we really need to talk when he gets home from the bar.

I got some really disturbing news from his mom tonight about stuff that happened on christmas (which i did not attend). Boils down to it I guess he left jordan standing on the sidewalk while he loaded presents in the car that was not even by her and put her in the car without warming it up. And it has been brought to my attention that he keeps forgetting to call Jordan's mother on thursdays to meet up on fridays.
Tony is a wonderful man, but he really needs to step up to the plate when it comes to being a dad. After talking with his mom it makes me even wonder if I want to have kids with him, KWIM?

And I have this feeling that we are not going to last with me working overnights. I don't know why I have this feeling but I do and it just won't go away.

But tonight not only am I bringing up the fact he needs to step it up with Jordan but also that his addiction to this R/C car website and crap needs to stop and stop now, and on the weekends he needs to stay off his phone and interact with his daughter and family. I mean on saturday he was on his phone on this website the whole time he was at his sister's house. And he never played with Jordan or interacted with her.

I guess it is just finally becoming too much for me and I'm not keeping my mouth shut anymore.

And I am still hurt by his lack of emotion and comfort during my time of grief with I m/c'd last month.

Jordan's mom and I are meeting up this weekend for coffee or something because she said she wanted to talk to me. And I need to talk to her so it would be good. I know she is frustrated and pissed off at Tony, and frankly I would be too.

So little does Tony know this will not be a pleasant conversation for him, and if he tries to interrupt me I'll just tell him to shut up.

I'll let you know how it goes. Probably not well, but one can only hope.

JustBecca · #2 January 30th, 2009, 05:13 AM

I am sorry that you are going through this. If you ever need to talk PM me anytime.

Daisyfields · #3 January 30th, 2009, 06:28 AM

Wow.... it takes a STRONG woman to recognize that the man she loves isn't ready to be a father or isn't father material. It takes even a STRONGER woman to do something proactive about it (i.e., not produce more kids w/ this man, easier said than done). A lot of gals just think that having kids will automatically make their men grow up, when in fact, it doesn't. It's the same man, same issues, but now you have a more complicated situation, a child. Chances are, you are going to be the primary caregiver, disciplinary & end up angry w/ him b/c you are the one who is going to be the sole person who has the maturity of an adult. This just complicates things. Usually ends up making more fights & sometimes, ends in divorce.

The fact that you see this, speaks volumes. You see that there is something wrong, you see that he has a lot of growing up to do. That he isn't ready to be a role model. You see more than he sees. You are brave to acknowledge this & bring this to his attention & speak about this to others. Some people would brush it off & ignore it.

This doesn't mean that this is a deal breaker, but it means that he's not ready to be a father to YOUR children right now. He has to work on HIM, and you can't make him do that, he has to want to do that.

Having this talk, is one step, but keep in mind that it might just aggravate him & push him into thinking that you are being a pain in the you know what. On the other hand, it "could" open his eyes. I tend to think it wont open his eyes. If he's busy doing other things & being self absorbed, I don't think he's going to see the light w/ a conversation that you have w/ him.

Only time make's a person mature, not a conversation. Life, character, jobs, experiences, that all takes time, and that make's a person mature. But again, even w/ all of those done, it can still not make a person change, unless they want too.

I hope things go well, or did (if you already had THE talk). If you need to talk more, you can also PM me. We're all here for you.

HUGS
~Chantelle

#4 January 30th, 2009, 06:33 AM

The talk actually went very well last night. Tony listened to everything I had to say and did not get upset or yell or anything. It was quite pleasant.

We'll see how this weekend goes though.

#5 January 30th, 2009, 07:14 AM

I am glad the talk went well.

JustBecca · #6 January 30th, 2009, 12:35 PM

I am so glad that it went well. I hope that this is the change that you are looking for. I know that it has to be difficult for you to love this man and realize that there is some serious changes that need to happen.