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bit of a morbid question... guardianship....


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  #1  
July 11th, 2009, 04:00 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
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I'm unsure what I'm meant to do about guardianship (ie who Gaby goes to, if I die before she's 18)... At the moment, if anything happened to me, Gaby would go to my sister - it's always been that way, because I trust her more with Gaby, than I trust my ex with her.

But what happens once me & DF are married? I don't think she'll be adopting Gaby - because Gab's father is still a regular part of her life... So in the case of my passing (god forbid) - would DF have the legal right to maintain guardianship of Gaby? Or because she won't have adopted her, does she not have that right, and will Gaby go to my sister? Or does the adoption aspect not matter? If I have it in writing in my will, that Wendy will be Gaby's guardian, is that enough?


Gosh I hope this makes some form of sense...
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  #2  
July 12th, 2009, 01:48 AM
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Hmm, not sure about all that. Sounds like questions for a lawyer. Do you have some legal documentation stating your sister would have guardianship before the child's father? B/c you can't just decide that on your own. The child's father has rights, in most cases.
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  #3  
July 12th, 2009, 05:55 PM
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I looked into this....

According to the law, you can't leave a child to someone. So you can request through your will that your sister get custody of your child but ultimately it's up to the court to decide. Your ex - who is the biological father has a better chance of getting custody if that is what he wants.
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  #4  
July 12th, 2009, 10:31 PM
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Yes, that's what I was thinking. You can appoint godparents to take guardianship of your child in the case you and your dh (or bio father, whatever) both passed away before your child is of legal age. But if something happens to you and the bio father is still there, he has more of a right to his child than someone else. Now I guess if he were willing to give up his parental rights that would be a different story, but even then his parents or someone from his side of the family may fight for custody rather than seeing their granddaughter being raised by someone who's not blood related.
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  #5  
July 13th, 2009, 01:12 AM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi,

I know this may sound harsh but in Greece kids are not treated as property so they cannot be 'placed' with someone on a will. Don't know in the US but in Greece legal guardian would become as a first choice bio-dad and second choices would be grandparents on either side. Uncles and aunts come a distant third and LAST choice would be a step-parent IF ever a choice and ONLY if the kid was adopted.

Hope you solve it out.
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Last edited by Ellemphriem; July 13th, 2009 at 02:31 AM.
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  #6  
July 17th, 2009, 02:11 PM
JustBecca's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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First, she is not in the US.

Second, in the US children are not treated as property. As parents we certainly get the RIGHT to choose who our children will be raised by in the event of our passings.

Third, I would ask a lawyer about your options. There are many. If you and the bio-dad are on good terms maybe the 2 of you can sit down and come up with a plan. If he is unwilling to take her on fulltime if you should die, then the 2 of you can discuss who would be the best choice.

I know that here you can right a letter and have it notorized and in many cases a judge will use that in a custody situation when one parent dies.
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  #7  
July 17th, 2009, 04:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellemphriem View Post
Hi,

I know this may sound harsh but in Greece kids are not treated as property so they cannot be 'placed' with someone on a will. Don't know in the US but in Greece legal guardian would become as a first choice bio-dad and second choices would be grandparents on either side. Uncles and aunts come a distant third and LAST choice would be a step-parent IF ever a choice and ONLY if the kid was adopted.

Hope you solve it out.

Actually what you are describing sounds more to me like property than what we do in the US.

Here if 1 parent dies they typically automatically go to the surviving parent - who typically has joint custody (divorced or not). In the case where both children are dead, the court looks into what is in the best interest of the child. Parents can put who they want to take care of their children in a will. Unless the court sees something terribly wrong with that situation or those people are gone, whom ever the parent choses will raise that kids.

Thank God once again that I live in the US. Because there is no way in h3ll that I would want my parents or either of our siblings to take care of my kids.

I don't know what your issue with the US are but it's getting really annoying. There's a reason people emmigrate here every day.

This is just a little friendly advice - you might want to think how you word things before you do. You may not have meant it the way it comes off (I know I have trouble with that sometimes) but you come off very negative in your ideas of the US.
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  #8  
July 18th, 2009, 05:41 AM
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Kris, you are MY hero now. LOL I agree it is ANNOYING AS HEII!!!!
I don't understand where you are getting your ideas about our great country from. I have lived in countries such as yours and have known people from Greece and I have found their ideas to be backward and misogynistic. I think sometimes that it sounds as though you are trying to justify yourself to us as someone who is privilaged to live in Greece. We do not share your views on that. We do not secretly long to live in Greece or Europe. Believe it or not, we consider it a privalege to live here in the wonderful USA! Our rights are protected and our citizens have a voice in what happens. Women are treated as equals here and we as a people are striving toward equality as a whole. We have come further as a country and contributed more to this planet in our brief 232 years than your country has in it's history and nowhere else will you find higher quality of life, more diversity, more opportunities or a more generous and loving people than here in the States. Have you ever been here? Have you ever lived here? What have you learned about the US that didn't come out of Hollywood? I think before you start with your holier than thou attitude about a country you obviously know so little about, you should first get your facts straight and perhaps experience a little of what you appear to have such contempt for. To me, you seem like someone who is so unhappy in her own life that she is trying desperately to find something to feel superior about. You won't find it here. If you want help feeling better about your life, I am POSITIVE you will find thousands of Americans who would gladly help you work out the problems in your life and spend countless hours listening to you vent about it and offering advice if desired, empathy and support and who would rejoice with you if things turned around for you and be saddened if they did not. But you won't find many who share your views on this country--those who do are most likely the same ones who would repeatedly tell you how "That would NEVER happen in the US!" about every minor outrage they witnessed in Greece or any other country they moved to. I lived overseas in several countries and have witnessed this hundreds of times! Another thing you will find here is 200+million people who say to themselves "Thank GOD I live here and not in some bass-ackward country such as yours!" so please keep your half baked, self indulgent, Hollywood version of reality to yourself. We LOVE our country and although it may have it's faults, we FIRMLY believe that there is no where else on earth that has more to offer so thank you, but we'll keep what we have!
As far as your ridiculous statement above that "In Greece children are not treated as property" I find that laughably naive. HeII, your country has only given women the right to VOTE for the past 53 years! Now you would have us believe that you have just created this Nirvana where everyone is treated fairly and life is so perfect. I'm sure that's the case as long as you know your place and don't overstep your boundaries. I cannot IMAGINE having chosen for me who my child will live with if I should die! Yes, my ex would have the first option and have some say in who would take over caring for her if not him but to have it as you said where it "automatically" goes to grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc? Oh HEII no! My parents are too old, my brother is too inexperienced, my sister is too irresponsible with her own kids, and no one else in my family would be appropriate. My husband, her stepfather, would be the BEST person to take care of her! I would CERTAINLY not want some arbitrary judge deciding that he wasn't qualified simply because he isn't a blood relative and placing her with my sister!!!! I'd come back from the dead to prevent that one! In fact, of all the people in her life, MY HUSBAND is the ONLY one who I feel qualifies as a good parent figure should anything ever happen to me! This includes her abusive father, my parents who are in their 70's, my siblings--neither of whom is qualified to raise kittens let alone MY CHILD. Yet according to you, the best thing would be for her to go to one of these people and not her stepfather who, by Tori's own words, has been more of a father to her in the past 3 years than her biological father has been in the past 17 years? Are you insane? You honestly think that is a better way than for the parents of the child to DECIDE who will gain the honor of raising a child in the event of one or both passing? And yet you don't see the irony in your previous statement that children are not treated as property....LOL Other than being bought and sold--which I don't know for sure you don't practice--what else would constitute being treated as property? So Grandma's china can go to whomever you deem worthy but not your precious child?????? Excuse me while I pee myself laughing! You're right...you have the rest of the world beat all to heII!!! LMAO
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  #9  
July 18th, 2009, 03:41 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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It does make sense & I've already had to make this decision. What you need to do is talk to a lawyer about your desires & see what the law entails. Then, after you have your information, you go to the persons involved & see what they would be willing to do etc.

If you're married to someone & that person has a child from a previous marriage, and you live w/ that child for all of their life, and the parent of that child dies, technically the child SHOULD go to the bio-parent (currently absent)...then you think...wait a minute, this kid's lived w/ this parental figure all of their life, have half siblings that they've grown w/ and are in a safe school system. Do you take the child who's parent passed on & place them in another home that they've never lived in, move them to a new school, new friends, and take them away from their siblings? I think if the child is able to talk, and you have a judge who views the situation of what is in the best interest of that child, it depends. These are very gray areas.

It's not a morbid question, in fact, it's very responsible for you to be discussing this & asking what would happen. People have to realize that you never know what the future holds, you could be gone tomorrow, and having a living will is IMPORTANT. As younger persons/couples, they tend not to think of life insurance, and living wills, but you truly have too, especially once you have kids in the mix. It's something that you are planning on (God forbid) in the best interest of your DD. I think you are thinking well & you need some guidance. IMHO, talk to a lawyer/or legal counsel & see what your options are & what you'd like to do. This may be a simple task w/ a simple answer...OR...it may be a REALLY, MESSY situation.

Either way, knowing this in advance is a smart move on your part.

I wish I had better info for you, but I don't know the laws in NZ & I am not sure what the court orders that you have in place now & how things would play out "if" in the event something happened to you (God forbid)...

I know this isn't an answer that's clear for you, but thinking about it, is a responsible thing to do.

KUP, HIH

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  #10  
July 19th, 2009, 12:22 PM
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When I was facing this decision in Illinois. A lawyer told me that in my case (I had sole custody (legal & physical), bio dad had supervised visits that he wasn't doing and was basically absent in her life), that typically the courts would give bio dad child 1st, my dh could fight & might win but he'd have to fight in court. It wouldn't be automatic. It sucks but true.
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