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…test you? Are they at an age of "back-talking" & being "fresh"? I tell you, my DS, although an excellent child, has been trying me lately, his fresh-mouth is truly starting to wear on me & I don't tolerate back-talking from anybody, so not my kids either. He's bored to tears, it's Summer vacation, it’s raining outside, bad weather, I get it...but he keeps wanting "snacks"... which is fine if he were hungry, but sincerely, ever minute?
Then the stupid lies…he cut his hair last night w/ out telling me (not that I’d let him any ways) & when I asked him if he had cut his hair (the evidence was in our bathroom sink) he looked directly into my eyes & said "no". He's acting worst than my toddler right now.
It's quiet time in our home after lunch, T.T. takes his 3 hr. nap & Cooper lies down on the couch watching “Max & Ruby” & falls asleep quietly. Today, my DS (the almost 9 yr old) went into the TV room (where Cooper was sleeping) & deliberately started waking him up ARGHHHHH!!!! He does this EVERY TIME he is "BORED"... I do bridge/home schooling during the summer, I make him do papers, have them take tests & do reading, trying to keep him smart & ready for the MCAS this year, he does it, finishes it in less than an hour & is back in my hair "I'm bored, can I have a snack?" Now the kid is skinny, 4'2.5" & 80 lbs., he's tall, I am only 5'1"... but seriously, you don't need snack after snack after snack. Then when I say "please go do your afternoon chores" (he gets $ for daily chores every week)...he gives me attitude. You know what he said to me? He said "mom, this is YOUR job"... uh...excuse me? MY JOB?!?!?!? To what? Clean? I am a maid? Really? This is news to me. We all contribute in the home, even my SN 3 year old Cooper cleans’ after himself, why shouldn't my very healthy almost 9 year old do chores like take out the trash & get the mail? Am I THAT harsh? Seriously.... I don't like being tested like this & then he feels entitled to be able to talk to his mother like that. I asked him "do you talk to Father Kilcoyn like that? what about your teachers?" he answers "no"...then why would he think that talking to ME like that would be acceptable?
i can see how you are going UGGGHHHH!!!! I raised my daughter now 15 by myself & KNOWS BETTER than to back mouth me & has told me to raise my newest LO just as i did her ( IF THAT TELLS YOU ANYTHING ) I guess in her way i did good.....
I still have to prase her for the good & Disapline for the bad & lazy times....
She tryed that same stuff when she was 9 & i ignored it & told her to do it anyway...The 4 1/2 ( hubby's kid ) tryed it the other day....& he nipped it in the bud right there .....
I'm sorry chantelle it stinks that you are going threw this expecally when your already stressed about things....
DS is once again, back to acting out, and it’s not even noon-time, doing everything he alleged he wouldn't do or that I asked him NOT to do... I don't get it. I say "you do not have a say in parenting or discipline"... (in view of the babies, 3 yrs. & 19 mos.) So he answers "I am just a worthless crumb on the floor that you step on & no one cares"...
I see someplace he wants me to go with this; he's looking for me to experience pity for him. Once again I utter "I realize you are angry w/ not being able to give the babies discipline but that's not your duty, you are a child, you need to leave my issues with the babies alone". He continues... rambles, starts talking about how I don't love him, I'm yelling at him. What? I wasn't yelling at him & I on no account told him I didn't love him, ever. He's really demanding my patience & playing the remorse card. Finally I just responded "know what? I'm done, go to your room, I am done explaining WHY an 8 and a half year old child can't & shouldn't discipline babies, it's because I said so". And then he stormed off, stomping his feet up to his bedroom & slams his door.
He's at the age that he wants me to play this "you don't love me" card & make me feel at fault. His therapist said "he knows he shouldn't be doing _____, but in its place, he is mad with your answers & what he can't do, so he keeps poking at you to push buttons, in this case the guilty ones, and sees how far he can get"... she continued "go back to basics as you would with a toddler and tell him because you can't or it's not okay. And that's the end of it. He doesn't warrant this complex reason...it's in one ear & out the other for him, he wants to keep you talking to get you going & that's where you have to end it & walk away". Yeah... just tried that... why am I still left with feeling sorry for him? I really do, he’s GREAT at the guilt card.
Parenting has its rewards but, man...it's a hard journey on every milestone and with every milestone, there is a new challenge.
Chantelle, you said it yourself. You feel sorry for him. He's bored. he wants something to do and believe it or not, he sees this as something to do! Don't feel guilty or sorry for him. He KNOWS you love him and he KNOWS he isn't supposed to act out like that. At the most, sit him down when he is not acting out and you are not frustrated and angry with him and say "I rely on you to act a certain way because you are not the same age as your brothers. If you continue acting out with me when I tell you to do something____________ will happen" (you won't get your allowance for giving me grief about doing your chores--you still have to do them but now you are doing them for free, you will not be able to go ________ this weekend, etc.) Give him consequences and he will soon figure out that there are better things to do. Also, see if you can get him interested in some sort of craft or hobby. He needs somethign to do on days when he can't go outside with his friends and run off that energy! On the days when he doesn't give you grief--and right now you may have to shorten that to hours--praise him. Reward him. Anything to reinforce the positive behavior and let him know YOU NOTICED!
I feel for you Chantelle. I remember those days well!
Your DS sounds like Lucy when she gets bored, tired, hungry or upset about something. She picks on her brother & pushes all of my buttons. I usually lose it before I realize somethings wrong and then I have to calm myself down & figure out what she needs. I'm getting better at recognizing the signs.
Sometimes kids aren't able to express themselves and it's very difficult to figure out what the issue is.
TY ladies... my DS... I know, he is bored & jealous, big time.
What really just breaks me down is when he says "why does Cooper cry all the time? what's his problem?" etc., etc., etc.... long story short, Cooper is not only three, but he is special needs, and has the mentality of a 20 month old at best. He cries over things that normal 3 year old don't, he falls a lot, he doesn't understand & my DS, at almost 9, you'd think that after 3 years of watching his brother in the hospital, w/ PT/OT/ASL & Speech therapy that he'd understand that Cooper is not the same, never will be... at least for the time being. Cooper's come a long way, I was told he'd never hear, walk, talk or lift his head...he walks, talks, hears & moves well...but he has low-hypotonia, his muscles are weak, he has bad balance/equilibrium, the list goes on. My DS is angry w/ Cooper, b/c he wants to play w/ Cooper & can't do what he wants to do, b/c Cooper can't do "normal" things. I get that my DS is angry, he wants to go to the park w/ me or the beach like we used too & I can't, my DH isn't around (ever unless at night to sleep)... and I can't control & watch a 3 year old special needs child & an actual 19 month old child, "AND" my almost 9 year old at the same time....they are all over the place & it's like having twins and it's not something I can do.
Heck... I took the babies/toddlers outside yesterday to write w/ sidewalk chalk & we were back in our house w/ in 10 minutes, maybe even less. Cooper wanted to run down our driveway (it's a hill & he could fall on his face & run into the street)...then I had Teighan running into our backyard, which is STILL not safe to play in b/c of the ice storm we had in December of 08', the trees still fall on their own, we don't have a fence to keep the kids from running into our front yard, which is on a cliff, we have this retaining wall that sits up over 5 feet, if my kids fall off of it, they will break an arm or leg... you get the idea. I can't play in my yard, but I am expected to go to a beach or a park by myself w/ all 3 kids? I am VERY outnumbered, can't do it. Wish I could, but I can't. Does that make me a bad mother? It's not like I don't like doing those things, when DH is home, we always do stuff outside & go places, I need his extra hands to go out. As I type this, I wonder how the Octo-Mom leaves her house, or even Kate Gosseling leaves her house... ARGHHH..... craziness. As I said, I love my kids, all of them...but I can't do it alone in public places like that. So my DS (almost 9) feels angry that we have to do more indoor things & wait for the weekends to do things. He's angry b/c he feels like the babies ruined his life, I wish he could see that he'll have brothers that will be close to him for life instead of viewing them as a burden at the moment. Hopefully time will do that.
Lauren is not quite 4(in Sept) so too young for me to relate to with back talking. She did the normal 2-3yr old testing my limits but she's really matured up lately and I'm just enjoy the newfound peace while it lasts. I have noticed that when she does act up though, that it's normally because she is bored and/or wants my attention. Which, even though she doesn't really have any competition, is never really "enough" LOL. We play for hours together everyday but when she is in that bored mood I have to pull out stuff from our craft cabinet. I keep a load of paint, markers, colored pencils and random craft items. It can turn into a junky mess, but 45 minutes of peace is worth 5 minutes of clean up to me
Thankfully, summer is almost over!! Soon he will be busy and occupied with school and projects. I'm ready for it too. Kaitlyn having no friends here has made her my constant companion. It's not that I mind her company, she is sooo helpful, but I just don't have the energy and ability to entertain her like a friend her own age would.