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I know I haven't been on much but I just have to vent... *LONG*


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  #1  
March 16th, 2010, 03:53 PM
Rocker*mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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and you all actually understand and go through the same stuff... I've been busy with wedding planning and for a while i was doing really well with forgetting about DF's ex and all that drama.. but there's always SOMETHING right when i start to feel better! I'm tired of it!
I posted this in my PR a while ago so i thought it would be easier to just copy and paste and see what you have to say... here goes..
we will call her B in this post..
As you know very well by now that B is a totally nut job and I have a difficult time letting her actions go.. DF doesn't do anything about anything so it's left on my shoulders..
ok, this may be long and I appologize in advance lol.. DSS moved to Florida because his mother got married to a guy who is in the Navy. they were there for just less than 3 years and recently moved back to VA. He is supposed to be stationed at a base about 4 hours away. well they didn't find a house to rent so she is staying with her parents ,who live less than 2 hours away from us, while her husband is now over in Haiti on the Comfort.
Our visitation now (because of School and them being in FL) is we get him every other Spring Break and Christmas and all of summer except the first and last week and the first weekend in July for about 4 days when she has an annual family reunion (she begged for it in court because she didn't want DSS to miss it)..
well first of all she never told DF they were moving back or where they were staying.. the only way we knew she was going to be staying with her parents was because of Facebook. So during christmas when we had DSS, we were supposed to go to see DF's grandparents.. who live a few hours away. they both got sick and said that it would be best to not bring the kids down so we ended up not being able to take DSS while we had him. so the day B came to pick DSS up we asked her if we could have him for a weekend coming up to take him to see his great grandparents.. she said she would think about it..UGH
So we did end up getting him a couple weekends later and took him down. the day he was supposed to go home, DF tried calling B to talk about where and when we were meeting. She didn't answer but then sent him a text saying we had to take him all the way. Um no, we shouldn't have to take him the whole way. we have a regular meeting place that we always used to use. she and DF fought through texts (because she wouldn't answer the phone to actually talk!) for several hours! She finally said she would come meet us at the place but "if she ever LET us have him again during a non visitaion time we would have to take him all the way to her parents"!! UGH LET US? DF is his FATHER! even in the court papers it says that DF is allowed to ask for any reasonable time to see him! she doesnt get that... SO technically the next time we are supposed to see him isnt until JUNE! how fair is that when they live 1.5 hours away!?!? does she really think thats good for DSS? She never calls for DSS to talk to DF and never answers DF's calls to talk to DSS and THEN complains that DF never talks to him!! Its so frustrating!!! THEN She put on her Myspace status that day "Why do i even try to be nice.. " then i can't remember what else but i wanted to say "NICE??? Being nice would have been letting DF know when you were moving and where you were staying! NICE would have been telling him you were staying with you parents so maybe he could see his son more! NICE would be NOT keeping DSS from his father for 6 months at a time!" I WANT TO SCREAM!
So Me and DF's dad made a facebook page for DSS just to be able to share pictures and stuff with DF's family and also B and her family because we are nice people and think it would be good for her to know what he is doing and seeing that he's having fun in pictures while he's here. so her and her sister added him and blocked their walls! how childish! so we aren't allowed to know what DSS is doing while he's not here??? I personally think thats so unfair!
So DF's mom recently sent an e-mail to B asking when we could have DSS again because he just had a birthday in Feb and we NEVER get him for his bday and would like to see him since we won't until June.
Well of course she didn't answer the e-mail.. DF has been trying to call to talk to her and DSS because we also need to tell her NOW that we want him for Hayden's first birthday party in April (Last summer during her 4 day July weekend, Her other son had a first birthday party and kept DSS 2 days more without asking until the day we should have gotten him back!!! she thinks she can do whatever she wants and the rules don't apply to her! so we said, "fine then we get him for Hayden's birthday" and the last time we told her about it she said "i never agreed to that, we will see if it's a good weekend"!!)
She's such a B****!!!!! It boggles my mind that she thinks all of this is ok!! does she really think she's doing the right thing for DSS?? she only thinks about how she's got the power over DF!
So i decided to send her a message today on FB asking if we could get DSS in a couple weeks because he has a student holiday on a friday so we could pick him up friday morning for the weekend. and then to remind her about April. I didn't say it was me and she came back with "Is this {DF}?" UGH who cares who it is, just answer the **** question since you can't answer the **** phone!
So i replied "Yes, Because I tried calling and got no answer" then nothing back from her so i got annoyed and said "so can you answer the question? or answer the calls?" because i'm so tired of her!
Also She always tries to play the "You guys aren't married so you have nothing to do with DSS" card all the time. if i try to talk to her that's what she says. It's RIDICULOUS and i feel its sooooo childish and pety. She just can't grow up! Everytime we pick up/drop off DSS I want to say something to her face to face but she always has her mom or dad with her now because she's scared. Seriously?? she's 24 years old and a mother of 2! can't you take care of your own battles? especially when it comes to the father of your child!?
I just don't get it... i can't even imagine being this way if I were in her situation.
OH and another thing about DSS FB.. Once B's family saw that he had one they started adding him.. well she went out of her way to send those people comments saying "I noticed you were friends with {DSS} now. It's run by {DF}, his parents, and his GF. It's not me, just wanted to let you know!" to everyone!! and im not just his GF! I'm tired of it!! WHO THE F CARES WHO IS RUNNING THE FB?! there's nothing but pictures onn there anyway!! she's just causing problems for no reason and it's getting old.. it's been going on for 5 years!! she thinks she's right about everything and so do her parents.. it's disgusting! I personally don't think it's a healthy enviroment for DSS but there's nothing we can do.. VA courts are all about the children being with their mothers unless physical proof of abuse is found.. it's awful. She knows she has the power and she plays that.
so now I just found out that her husband came back a few days ago.. so of course she is down there seeing him and left DSS up here.. well i asked for DSS next weekend and she said no because she had something already going on that weekend..guess what it probably is... taking him to see her husband instead of letting him see his father that he hasn't seen since January and won't see till the middle of June!!

So now i'm worried about what's going to happen with DSS... like now that her husband is back.. DF's mom just told me that B told her that she wouldn't take DSS out of school to move, she would wait and let him finish.. so that means he's going to be at this school for one semester?! that's not good for him! then she's going to up and move over the summer while we have DSS and DSS is going to have to go back and get settled in a new place again?! I just think it's unhealthy! I know there are plenty of military families out there that move around and do this for a living but in a stable family! not with a child that already has to be passed around.. It's just unfair..

So DF needs to send in the court papers to make sure he gets the rights he deserves before she ups and moves again without saying anything.. she never includes him and any decision like the papers say.. she's supposed to tell him about schooling, medical and moves and she avoids all conversations about that.. DF has to ask her everything and she asks "Why?! why do you need to know?" Um because he's his FATHER! UGH I HATE THESE B****S!!!!

ok sorry i had to get that out somewhere lol sorry about the novel and not being around much.. My mind is full of crap these days i feel like lol

Anyway, thank you if you got this far.. Any comments are welcome lol even if you want to tell me i'm wrong for being this dramatic about it! :-)

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  #2  
March 16th, 2010, 06:26 PM
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How frustrating! Sounds like DF needs to go back to court & have the visitation changed so you can both see dss more.

I don't understand this whole bio mom vs step mom theme that seems to prevail. I don't have to deal with it personally but before my ex gave up is parental rights, I would have been thrilled if he'd been with someone who cared about my dd as much as you care about your dss. I would have been ok with my ex seeing her if I knew that he had a SO to really take care of dd when she was with them ( for the record - so not comparing your df with my ex). Just saying that I don't get it.

The more people to love my kids the better IMO!
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  #3  
March 17th, 2010, 06:49 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Sounds pretty stressful & ITA w/ Kris in that the court order needs a modification based on the changes. Otherwise, there is no way around someone like that.
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  #4  
March 17th, 2010, 06:52 AM
Rocker*mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I totally agree with both of you.. she's so stressful to deal with and I think that's what has made DF back off.. he's tired of her too and his way of dealing is shutting down instead of taking stronger action like i like to do.. UGH i dont understand either why we can't just get along and deal with it.. it's been 5 years, why can't she get over the fact that i am here to stay and i DO have something to do with DSS, I am all i know because he was just over a year old when he met me.. it's so frustrating..
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  #5  
March 17th, 2010, 07:19 AM
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You're speaking to someone who TOTALLY understands. My DH & his ex have been separated since 99, divorced since 02' & she's had an off & on again boyfriend for 6+ yrs., you'd think she'd be over "it"...but she isn't. She says she's over him but I know that she expected him to be at her beck & call, take orders from her, do what she wanted & the moment she discovered that he had a wife & family (as it unfolded) she can't handle it, period. She is difficult & sent me an email the other day saying that BEFORE I was in the picture, everything was fine.
Okay, so "ME"... someone that never sees my DSS, someone that isn't involved in her B.S. is to blame for her feeling like all is wrong? Nope, sorry, it's her. She expected him to have no life & live it based on her desires & their child only. She doesn't know how to handle him married & more kids, other responsibilities, and b/c of that, she is mad. She can't control him anymore, she can't make demands & if she tries, it always backfires in her face. And I am not even doing anything. She is irritated that my DH can't give her an answer right away or do what she wants UNTIL he talks to me, b/c, as husband & wife, he has to make sure that the "plans" work for EVERYONE, not just her or their child, it's about me/wife, DH's DSS (my bio-son from my previous relationship) & our 2 kids that we had together in our marriage. She hates that he has to check w/ me, she thinks that she should say one thing & that should be the end result. Perhaps that is how it was BEFORE I came along, but DH has a life now, and she can't handle it.


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  #6  
March 17th, 2010, 07:29 AM
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Sorry you're having to deal with that. I honestly don't know how some of you ladies handle the ex drama, I'm glad SO's ex and I actually get along.

Have a quick question though, if the court papers say DF has to be notified of changes, moving schooling etc, and she isn't doing that, isn't that considered contempt of court? Especially if she doesn't notify him of DSS physical location and by not answering phone calls or emails... That is grounds for immediate modification I believe... Well at least in my custody agreement things like that were...
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  #7  
March 17th, 2010, 10:45 AM
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Does your DF have joint custody, or just access and she has sole custody? My DF has joint custody with approx 35% access. Any changes to anything that has to deal with DSS has to be done between the 2 of them... they both have to be in agreement. Changing of schools, moving... and so on..

Now with DSD's Monster, they apparently have joint custody, but NOTHING is discussed between DF and the Monster.... she does whatever she wants... and she must have something over DF cause he wont' stand up to her... but yet has spent time and money taking DSS's monster back to court numerous times.... I'm personally tired of caring.... if he wants to fight for one and not the other, that's his choice to make.... HE will be the one that will explain to them when they are older, why he fought for one... but didn't fight for the other one....

Be thankful you have only one crazy ex to deal with... I have TWO monsters to deal with... both that HATE me, and consider me the root of all of their problems... You know what sunshines.... the only person you can control is yourself... you don't like me, that's fine, I don't like you either, but NEVER would I be disrespectful to you in front of the kids....unlike them... they have called me names in front of their kids, and DSS's monster has tried to come after me physically on several occasions

Hope it gets better and your DF can take the witch back to court and get it squared away.... best of luck to you guys!
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  #8  
March 19th, 2010, 07:06 AM
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DF and his ex have joint custody, at least it says so in the papers.. She thinks that because she's the mother she can make all the decisions.. you would think that it would count against her that she never told DF they were moving or where they were staying until we asked that she could get in trouble for it.. DF just won't talk to someone about it! he's afraid to take her to court for some reason and it bothers me because i don't think he has anything to lose! He already barely sees him and already sends way too much money (in my opinion).. She once said (years ago) that she was the mother so she was the one who make decisions.. side note on that subject.. DSS has a speak delay, we knew he had it when he was about 3 but waited till he was about 4 to take him to a therapist for an evaluation.. We asked DSS's mom if we could and at first she said yes.. then changed her mind and called DF's mother and told her that we couldn't take him... well they took him anyway because we knew it had to be done.. sure enough, some of it he was at a 2 year old level.. we had the papers and called DSS's mom to tell her and she flipped out saying that SHE is the mother so SHE should have taken him! um what? so who is DF? chopped liver? i mean really, he is the father! DSS is half of him too! he has just as many rights that she has! just because she gave birth to him that makes a difference? I couldn't believe she cared more about the fact that DF took him to a speech therapist versus the fact that her son needs speech therapy! needless to say, it came up in court and all that happened what the judge told her to take him to therapy once a week.. which i believe to this day she didn't take him for as long as she should because I don't notice much of a change in his speech...
anyway, it's ridiculous.. i try to talk to DF about it but he gets angry with ME and walks away...
i don't know how to handle it anymore
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  #9  
March 19th, 2010, 08:51 AM
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Well there is only so much that you can do... This is your DF's son, and honestly if he doesn't have the kahunas to take her back to court then he gets what he deserves..... And it isn't your DF's rights to see his DS, it's his DS'S RIGHTS to see his dad.... I know all about the "I'm the mom and even though we have joint custody, I will do whatever I want do to and make me do what you want me to do".... so we did. DF and DSS's monster have joint custody... always have, but she thinks she has sole cause DSS lives with her more than us. We had to take her to court to get names of DSS's doctor's, eye doctor, dentist, specialists..... yeah pretty ridiculous.... she tried to keep us away from his school and talking to his teachers, and that backfired on her too.....

Your DF needs to grow a set or suffer the consequences... seriously.... it's like not voting, if you don't vote you have no right to complain about how things are being done..... don't fight for the rights of your children, then you don't have a right to complain about how things are going with the "monster"

Just my 2 cents....
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  #10  
March 19th, 2010, 10:23 AM
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I'm facing something similar. Dh only sees his dds about 4 times a year now. And it's not only because they are 4 hours away. It's because he won't stand up to his ex. He's afraid of her. I know in the beginning he was afraid of losing his dds but he already has. The oldest barely talks to him etc. But he still won't fight.

I had one conversation with him about fighting for custody of the youngest. She's 11 now & old enough to say where she wants to live. He said "oh well she's such an upstanding citizen in her community". I'm like "what are we??????" Not like we're criminals or anything

It's so hard to sit back & not let it get to you!
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