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Clothes? What's your situation?


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  #1  
March 30th, 2010, 10:59 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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For those of you who have children who go to visit w/ their other bio-parent or get their step-child to visit w/ your SO/DF/DH, do you have your own set of clothes at your home already? Does your ex have clothes for the child at their home for them?

A couple of ?'s for you ladies in both situations:

1.) Do you expect the custodial parent to send the clothes to the non-custodial parent's home when the child(ren) visit?

2.) Per above, regardless of the answer being "NO" or "YES", please elaborate if you feel that this is an appropriate way of handling the clothes issue or not.

3.) Do you feel that the custodial parent (who receives child support) be responsible for sending nice clothes to your home when the child visits or is play clothes considered acceptable?

4.) If you (as a custodial parent) send your chil(ren) to the non-custodial parent's home w/ play-clothes, do you feel like it's your responsibility to have fancy clothes too?

*I'm asking these ?'s b/c I've run into them a lot on both ends, both as a bio-parent/custodial & a step-parent/non-custodial. I've seen how we're had our DSS (which never spends the night or weekends w/ us, only day visits) & how DH will tell his ex-wife that we're doing something "fancy" and the child looks like white trash (irritates me), then there was a recent situation when I sent my DS to visit w/ his bio-dad for the weekend & only sent "play clothes" & it wasn't received well, they (my ex) was irritated that there were no "fancy clothes" for Religious Education on Sunday. Went on about a certain level of respect. As I do agree that looking well groomed is a must, being clean etc., I do not think that going to a bible study is something you need to dress up for, this isn't an Easter mass or a 1st Communion, KWIM? Any ways, a BFF of mine said that my ex (non-custodial parent) should have "fancy" and "play" clothes at his house for our DS regardless. I'm starting to agree w/ this as I cannot tell you how many times my DS has returned w/ holes in his new jeans or his school sneakers a disaster. It's expensive to replace these things & I can't do it anymore. And even if we had all this extra money, it's very frustrating as a bio-mom to send my DS for a period of time w/ nice clothes to have them returned trashed. I recall a time sending a brand new jacket (spring time) and it being returned w/ tree sap that couldn't be removed, the jacket was destroyed.

Wondering where you all stand on this issue.

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  #2  
March 30th, 2010, 12:08 PM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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Hi.. I lurk here more than post My DSS don't see their mom just their grandma but she is responsible for clothes for them oner ther and we are responsible for clothes over here. Thats just the way it's always been. And I have been through the whole getting clothes back destroyed and I solved the problem by designating those as "weekend cloths" And that is what they wear over there every weekend. And if they out grow something then I go to good will or the salvation army. We went through a thing where their underwear was coming back cut up because their grandma doesn't like Spongebob...so all of their Sponge bob undies came back destroyed...but they wore them back over there and they were eventually replaced ( and by destroyed I mean that the elastic was all cut up
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  #3  
March 30th, 2010, 04:02 PM
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Last edited by Raynee; April 7th, 2010 at 06:24 PM.
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  #4  
March 31st, 2010, 05:50 AM
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When Dh's dds were coming here, we expected bio mom to send them with clothes. They live 4 hours away & only came 5-6 times per year for a 36-48 hours each time so it didn't make sense for us to keep clothes. They'd outgrow them before they wore them more than a couple of times.

We did end up keep a few things here for the youngest because sometimes she'd come without pjs or something. But it was only a couple of things.


I think what you should do depends on the situation especially how often the kids are at each house. If the kids are there every other weekend & a day during the week, then it would make sense to have clothes at each place. That way they don't feel like they're living out of a suitcase. But if the kids are farther away, it doesn't make sense to me.
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  #5  
March 31st, 2010, 06:42 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Good point Kris, so in my case, w/ my DSS, having his bio-mom dress him up appropriately for which ever event we're going too is not out of the ordinary and moving forward, when it comes to my DS, he will be sent w/ his medication (that's an obvious that he needs) and the clothes on his back. I can't say how many times a hat has been left there, or something. I was just going through pix on my FB & saw my DS in a pic from last summer w/ this vintage T from the Gap that he had to have, paid $30 for it & he wore it to his dad's once or twice & I haven't seen it & it's M.I.A. now. Something like that is frustrating & I do not have the $ to keep replacing stuff. It's one thing if my DS is going to a day event w/ his dad & needs to be fancy (i.e., Christmas eve dinner) and comes home, I would & don't have an issue dressing him up for his father, but moving forward, I will not feel guilty or bad sending him to his dad's w/ play-clothes. If his father doesn't like the play-clothes, he can buy him something else. It's not to be mean, but I'm tired of the clothes coming back destroyed, filthy & lost.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MommytoAngelica View Post
Hi.. I lurk here more than post My DSS don't see their mom just their grandma but she is responsible for clothes for them oner ther and we are responsible for clothes over here. Thats just the way it's always been. And I have been through the whole getting clothes back destroyed and I solved the problem by designating those as "weekend cloths" And that is what they wear over there every weekend. And if they out grow something then I go to good will or the salvation army. We went through a thing where their underwear was coming back cut up because their grandma doesn't like Spongebob...so all of their Sponge bob undies came back destroyed...but they wore them back over there and they were eventually replaced ( and by destroyed I mean that the elastic was all cut up

Okay, I get that someone may not like a character or find things offensive, but Sponge Bob? As long as it's underwear or PJ's, who cares? I would send them a bill to replace the undies, seriously. That is unacceptable. Now if you sent the child wearing sponge bob shirts & what not, I'd sort of understand it, but still. My only issue w/ my DSS is guns, I want nothing in my house that has anything to do w/ guns. Simple enough, other than that, I don't care.
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  #6  
April 1st, 2010, 10:20 AM
ElizabethS's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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For those of you who have children who go to visit w/ their other bio-parent or get their step-child to visit w/ your SO/DF/DH, do you have your own set of clothes at your home already? Does your ex have clothes for the child at their home for them?
We get my stepson, Reid, every other weekend and every Monday. He lives 10 minutes away. Isaiah, my other stepson, every other weekend. He lives 2 hours away.

A couple of ?'s for you ladies in both situations:

1.) Do you expect the custodial parent to send the clothes to the non-custodial parent's home when the child(ren) visit? No, I don't expect it no. But Reid's mom strips him of everything, including his underwear, at the door, because she says they are "her clothes" (um..DH pays child support...he helps buy those clothes!).

2.) Per above, regardless of the answer being "NO" or "YES", please elaborate if you feel that this is an appropriate way of handling the clothes issue or not. I have no problem sending them home in "our" clothes. I finally gave up when I realized Reid's mom would not quit embarrassing him and stripping him at the front door. We try to make no big deal of it and slip him into the clothes he has here. So, we have our own sets of clothes, although we often send them home in them. I don't expect them back, and if they do send them back great, if not, I'm not going to snarl like a monster. They are the children's clothes for goodness sakes!

3.) Do you feel that the custodial parent (who receives child support) be responsible for sending nice clothes to your home when the child visits or is play clothes considered acceptable? I don't really care. I gave up on the issue a long time ago! I'd like it if he were even allowed to wear his underwear here (rolling eyes).

4.) If you (as a custodial parent) send your chil(ren) to the non-custodial parent's home w/ play-clothes, do you feel like it's your responsibility to have fancy clothes too? Nope. They go home in what they are wearing here. Heck, with 4 kids, when do we EVER dress them up FANCY? LOL They are 3 and 15 mos...they get dirty. No reason in putting them in their Sunday best.
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  #7  
April 1st, 2010, 06:37 PM
myblueyez's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My DSD & DSS have clothes here, sometimes they come over in their school clothes, in which case I try to get them washed and sent home with them, sometimes they come in play clothes. They have clothes from their mom's house here, and clothes from our house there... It all kinda evens out.

For us this works best considering they are usually here at least every other weekend and sometimes during the week, and b/c they only live about 10 mins away..
The only time I had an issue is when they stayed on Sunday night and we took them to school on Mon. DSS was wearing some tore up old play shoes when he came over. Well at the beginning of the school year we had got all the kids 4 pairs of nice school shoes, 2 pairs each got sent home with DSS & DSD then. Well on this occasion he had to wear a pair of "our" shoes to school and wore them home. They mysteriously got "lost" at her house...

My DS's go to their grandparents, my mom & my ex-MIL& FIL, sometimes on the weekends... they have clothes there, play and nice... So I just send them in what they were wearing that day, usually it is at least decent since we usually take them as soon as they get home from school...
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Last edited by myblueyez; April 1st, 2010 at 06:39 PM.
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  #8  
April 2nd, 2010, 06:05 AM
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I feel that regardless of what end you are on, there really can't be a universal standard. It all depends on the situation. If you are lucky enough to have a really good relationship with your ex or your SO's ex, then clothing should never be an issue. Sadly that is hardly ever the case.

In my situation, my BF's son lives with us the majority of the time. It's supposed to be shared parenting, where they each have him 50% of the time, but that's only what is written in their agreement. She doesn't want to take care of her son more than an occasional weekend here and there, but she's afraid he'll try to get child support from her. Frustrating, but I won't even get into that whole thing because this is supposed to be about clothes and I'm already off topic enough. lol

Anyway, I have a drawer in his dresser that is full of clothes that can go to his mom's house. They aren't the nicest clothes in the world, but they do always fit him properly and they aren't rags. I also put some of the clothes that he wears home from there, but most of them I end up throwing away because they are either too raggedy with a million different holes in them or they are like 2 sizes too small. She actually sent him in shorts last summer that were a size 24 months when he was wearing 4T to 5T clothes. Needless to say, they were WAY too short.

Like I mentioned earlier, it all depends on the situation and if our situation was different and his Bio mom (or egg donor as my BF calls her) was a decent human being, I wouldn't mind putting nicer clothes on him or even sending him some clothes to wear for the weekends he is there, but I know I would never get anything I sent back or I would get it back with huge holes or in a couple of years when he had outgrown it.
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  #9  
April 6th, 2010, 11:26 AM
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I have both sides with my DSD & DSS' - they have 2 different mothers. On one side my DSD & DSS will bring clothes with them (including night clothes). On the other side my other DSS won't bring anything. Her mom is rather difficult and only allows her to wear 1 pair of shoes and certain clothes to our house. My DD is the same age as her, so it's really not that big of a deal - she wears her clothes. The shoes thing irritates me because it's a raggedy pair of tennis shoes, but my DD will start passing down her shoes to her. My DD's bio-dad isn't in the picture, so I don't really see the other side of the book about the things I buy her.
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  #10  
May 16th, 2010, 09:25 PM
AndreaRenee's Avatar raising boys...
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1.) Do you expect the custodial parent to send the clothes to the non-custodial parent's home when the child(ren) visit? yes we've asked the ex to do this. reason is b/c then sd always has the clothes she wants, we were tired of hearing her complain that what she wanted was at her moms.

2.) Per above, regardless of the answer being "NO" or "YES", please elaborate if you feel that this is an appropriate way of handling the clothes issue or not. yes it works.

3.) Do you feel that the custodial parent (who receives child support) be responsible for sending nice clothes to your home when the child visits or is play clothes considered acceptable? well sd is old enough to pack her own clothes, we dont really have "play" clothes.

4.) If you (as a custodial parent) send your chil(ren) to the non-custodial parent's home w/ play-clothes, do you feel like it's your responsibility to have fancy clothes too? sure


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  #11  
May 18th, 2010, 09:36 PM
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I used to pack a bag for my ex boyfriend when it was his weekend. I packed formula, diapers, wipes and clothes. Everything minus the food that the boys needed for the weekend. I ended that when clothes weren't returned or were returned stained and messed up. I also wanted to give him time to purchase things. As far as play clothes, i really don't have that for my kids. Once clothes get old an messed up stained whatever, i toss em. I keep play shoes though.
Now as for my step-son, its the same way, we have clothes here for him even though he only visits 2 weekends a month plus every tuesday night to wednesday night.
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  #12  
June 10th, 2010, 09:15 PM
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1.) Do you expect the custodial parent to send the clothes to the non-custodial parent's home when the child(ren) visit? No, It is not our responsibility to clothe them when they are visiting with the other parent.

2.) Per above, regardless of the answer being "NO" or "YES", please elaborate if you feel that this is an appropriate way of handling the clothes issue or not. No, just because the child does not live primarily with the NCP does not mean they are not required to have clothes for them. Basically the child has two homes so they should have clothes at both homes.

3.) Do you feel that the custodial parent (who receives child support) be responsible for sending nice clothes to your home when the child visits or is play clothes considered acceptable? Again NO. It is the NCP responsibility to put the child in nice clothes if they are going somewhere that warrants it. The only exception is if they do not normally go anywhere for nice clothes and ask for you to send some for the occassion (wedding, funeral, etc.).

4.) If you (as a custodial parent) send your chil(ren) to the non-custodial parent's home w/ play-clothes, do you feel like it's your responsibility to have fancy clothes too? No. I send my DS to his BD's house in play clothes because I know they have clothes there for him and they make him change clothes when he gets there When DSS does visit his BM, we send him in play clothes because they seem to collect clothes over there that we buy and he would come home in clothes that were too small. DSS goes over with clothes even though I don't think he should have to.
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  #13  
June 11th, 2010, 07:36 AM
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1.) Do you expect the custodial parent to send the clothes to the non-custodial parent's home when the child(ren) visit?

With DSS, only if BM (custodial parent) wants him to be dressed in something different when she gets him back. She'll pack a backpack for him if that's the case. We have clothes for him here and we used to just put him in something from here before sending him home until we started noticing that she would send him in clothes that were WAY too small for him and then keep the clothes that we'd send him home in that would fit. DSS is 3 1/2.

My kids don't go to their dad's house as he has un-exercised supervised visitation.

2.) Per above, regardless of the answer being "NO" or "YES", please elaborate if you feel that this is an appropriate way of handling the clothes issue or not.

Done in question 1, lol.

3.) Do you feel that the custodial parent (who receives child support) be responsible for sending nice clothes to your home when the child visits or is play clothes considered acceptable?

We buy our own clothes for DSS, nice or play.

4.) If you (as a custodial parent) send your chil(ren) to the non-custodial parent's home w/ play-clothes, do you feel like it's your responsibility to have fancy clothes too?

I guess this also doesn't really apply to our situation.
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  #14  
June 14th, 2010, 12:57 PM
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My ex and I split up 8 months before Gracie died, and I would send her to him with clothes, some toys, PediaSure (her diet), her pillow, special blankey..... The only thing that he had to do was have a supply of diapers, diaper cream, and that kind of stuff....... I know he did buy her a swimsuit, a few outfits, and socks for at his house and sometimes they came home with her.... We never really fought over that kind of stuff.

I never sent over my "favorite" outfits, but Gracie was always well-dressed whether she was at mommy's house or daddy's house.
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