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So when is enough, enough


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  #1  
March 31st, 2010, 04:56 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 590
I got exparte notice today from the x for court he has full custudy what more does he want.
So when is enough, enough? So when do you say I can't fight any more? Do you ever? I'm so tired of court and the x and his wife and how we can't we are stupid and do't know how to parent and the kids hate it here and so on.. I'm just so done. I'm so upset. I'm so hurt.

I know why people run away with their kids or why some just never get child support or fight with their x about anything. Sometimes it's easier to just never see them (the kids) then to deal with the x. I hate to say it. I know now why my dad didn't want to come and see me because my mom was a ***** to deal with. IDK I'm just venting.
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  #2  
March 31st, 2010, 08:45 PM
missmich
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I'm sorry that you have to go through this. It must be hard to miss your kids so much. I hope that you can work something out. I don't have any solid advice to give you since I've never been in this situation before. I do hope that you get support and advice from others though who can offer you something helpful.
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  #3  
April 1st, 2010, 06:03 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
I wont get into details b/c I don't know enough to speak intelligently about this.

I will, however, say this "NEVER, EVER.....give up!" Don't give up, I didn't & you shouldn't either. It's worth the fight, it is draining emotionally, financially & physically at times but it's never a reason to give up. Again, I don't know the exact story/details but that's JMHO based on what you've told us.
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  #4  
April 1st, 2010, 04:40 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 8,989
I'm so sorry that you are going through this Margaret. I can only imagine how tough this must be for you.

My Dh has joint custody of his 2 dds but barely sees them because of his ex. She too say they don't want to be here.... It may be true of the oldest but the youngest does want to come but they won't listen to her. Dh so struggles with this.

And although I know their his kids & his responsibility, I struggle with paying child support for kids that his ex is alienating against us. We do it but it doesn't seem right. Especially since I know for a fact that we support their entire family (ex, her hubby & dh's 2 girls). They live in a very rural town of 500 and the cost of living is so cheap.

So I can only imagine how you feel. They're your kids. I wish I had sage advice but all I can do is say hang in there.

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My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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  #5  
April 2nd, 2010, 12:50 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 590
Well he won on a temp. basis untill mediation(big joke) and we go back to court another big joke. at the end of MAY so for 2 months I don't get to see my kids. I do get pnone called tuesday and thursday for upto 1/2 hr beween 7/8 pm and my oldest doest have to talk to me at all. I cannot express to you ladies the amount of anger and hatred I have for my x and for all parties in volued. hhis dad was at court todau he has an atterny I'm just so sick by the whole thing.
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  #6  
April 2nd, 2010, 06:13 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
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Margaret, I am so very sorry hon. You don't deserve this.
I have to agree with Chantelle. NEVER give up. It may be HEII for you, but in the end, if you do give up it will only show your children that you didn't think they were worth fighting for. I know that's a bitter pill to swallow but that is how it will look to them. So keep fighting for them and in the end, they will see that you have done so and that you loved them enough to keep doing so. My bio-father didn't want me. To this day I struggle with self image issues surrounding that (there is more that goes into that but that has a lot to do with it) I gave him more chances as an adult than he deserved but I wanted HIS story as to why he gave me up. He rejected me more times than I care to remember but the bottom line is he just did not want me and to this day, I have no contact with him. He doesn't know his grandkids or that I have a new husband or even my last name. He doesn't DESERVE to know any of that! Your girls will want to know why, someday. Why you weren't there, why the marriage ended, why their stepmom raised them, why, why, why...and why you gave up on them. You don't ever want to have that conversation so don't give up on them now and later on you can hold your head high and say "I tried and tried and never gave up but I kept losing and I am sorry that your dad kept you from me" That beats saying "I just couldn't stand fighting for you anymore". HE is the badguy here...make HIM pay the price down the road--NOT YOU!
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  #7  
April 2nd, 2010, 11:29 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 590
I understand Dani and part of me feels that way and the other part doesn't. The one part wants to say ok my doors open when you want to come over come, I'm here and just raise the white flag and say I just can't do this any more.

You know part of it is the kids they go to their dads and say God knows what and have painted a picture of my husband and I as horrible people even though when they are here we have fun and a good time and they love him( my DH) and enjoy our time. Just between us I feel like they have stabbed me in the back and I know they are kids and they just want jthe green grass.....Bottom line the kids want to be at their dads but why do they have to be so evil about it?

and the other part agrees whole-heartedly with you both and never give up and fight. and jump through all the bull **** hoops and the crap i don't need because I am not the bad parent. I just know that if I fight it's going to be more bull **** that I don't deserve or need.

Don't pay attention to me I'm just upset and emotional and angy and I just don't make sense right now I appreciate all your words of advice and wisdom. Thanks. Maybe I just need to hid for a while and cry.
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  #8  
April 3rd, 2010, 07:58 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
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Margaret, I'm all for a good cry now and then as a cleansing method and God knows you ceertainly have much to cry about with this situation. I know how hurt you must be and I wish all our kids could have an "It's a wonderful life" moment so they could SEE how awful they're being to us--anyone who has teenagers can identify with that, I am sure. The sad truth is that they may never see how awful they are. My daughter can be a perfect biot-andiknowIamnotsupposedtosaythataboutmychildbutshei s-ch! There are days when I just want to SHAKE her and scream "How can you treat me like this after everything I have done and been through with you???" but I bite my tongue and swallow my pride--are mom's allowed pride?--and pray that she gets through this phase quickly. It hurts. But if you don't stop fighting for them then when they do lose their horns and fangs somewhere down the road, they may just say what I said to my own mother when my first child started acting out..."I am so sorry for everything I ever did or said to you that caused you pain. Now...would you PLEASE LIFT THE CURSE???" LOL
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  #9  
April 3rd, 2010, 10:51 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 8,989
You can vent here any time. Don't worry! Like I said, we are going through something similar here with Dh's dds and have been for a year.

I'm so not into the "they're just kids" innocent crap. Kids can be so cruel. Horrible human beings especially teenagers. My dh's daughter is nasty & he even will say that. She's manipulative, plotting and very angry. Yes, they can be wonderful but they can also put us through he11. Even our own beloved kids. I know my 7 year old really knows how to push all of my buttons. I love her dearly but she can really get to me.

I can only imagine how terribly hurt you are.
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