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So Dh's ex called yesterday. She never calls on the weekends. Only calls during the week when he's at work so he can't answer & she leaves a message demanding the cs check. (which we always send on time but she wants earlier ) She never talks to him about the girls and has no interested in co-parenting.
Anyhoo... apparently she is having some trouble with Dh's youngest who recently turned 11. I guess this all started after her visit her on Jan 1. DSD is lying, not coming home from school on time and acting weird.
The ex started crying.... Anyway, she wants Dh to take DSD for a month in the summer. So wait... hold the phone.... we're not good enough for her to come for the weekend for the past 1 1/2 years but now that you are struggling we're good enough to take her for a month???
Don't get me wrong. We - especially me are thrilled!!!! I want her for the entire summer. And once we get her here, we're going to start talking to her about coming to live with us permanently. She's 11 & all things being equal, the judge will take her wishes into consideration. Plus we have the parental alienation thing going on. So that's in our favor.
Now we're not counting on things because his ex is a bit off her chum. So things could change in the next month. But we're hoping it will work out.
This situation is all payback for this woman keeping her daughter away from her father, sister & brother.
It's so ironic because she has a master's degree in psychology & should know better. Plus when Dh & I were just dating, he talked to her (without my permission) about my dd's situation with her bio dad. Her quote was that my dd was "at risk". At risk for what?????? Not like I'm an uneducated welfare mom.
And then she does the exact things that put her dds at risk by keeping them away from their father.
My dd is just fine. No behavior problems at all and now her dd is having so many problems that she is willing to ship her away.
Have I mention that I hate this woman.
I'm sorry that my dsd is having problems but I can't wait for her to come home where she belongs.
Ahhh... the call of help.... all too familiar w/ that one. They usually only call like that when the want/need something.
What is happening that an 11 year old isn't coming home on time? How is that happening at all? An 11 year old is way too young to be out & about w/ out supervision, or not coming home from school on time? Does she take the bus? Does she walk? Something isn't right. I don't understand that one. The lying, well... all kids lie... you know when a child lies is when their mouth moves. LOL... they just do, it's something they do, but it's how we react as parents to hopefully make those "lies" not as frequent.
I would be asking about CS, is she going to pay your DH the CS that he's currently paying for his daughter if the child is w/ you? I mean...temporarily change it, b/c why should he pay her CS if the child is w/ you? You need the xtra money to help w/ the child for that time-period, or at least have DH not have to pay CS for the child & no one pays CS for the child, either way, DH needs a credit for that, I know the laws usually don't care about something that is under a 6 mos. status of living arrangements but to me, I don't think it's right. But it's an opinion, not a law/fact. I hope he gets a break.
Some people do NOT want to parent their kids. My DSS' bio-mom is the same way, except in her case, she would rather medicate him more than deal w/ the real issues. She keeps increasing his medication to make him more of a zombie so he's not a normal child. I wont get into that more cuz it makes me mad.
If the ex wants you guys to take the child, there needs to be a sit down meeting about this, and make sure she doesn't just up & say "sorry, I'm taking her back, I don't want this anymore" after a week or two, or decide last minute "no"...either way, something has to be discussed. And if there are issues w/ DH's child not listening, lying etc., perhaps the child could benefit from family counseling w/ the bio-mom & your DH? Just a suggestion. Eleven is young to be not coming home, there are crazy people out there.
I hope you do get that time w/ her & I think it would be great too. I just hope this isn't bio-mom's way of blowing off steam due to her lack of wanting to parent. Either way, something is up & the child is acting out for a reason. That's what I'd be worried about. Maybe you can figure it out if she's around you, I know you'd be able to offer her a better environment that wouldn't be as angry from the description of bio-mom that we've gotten from you over the years. It would be nice to have the opportunity to get her & have her be w/ her other family, she deserves that.
WOW that is a strange turn of events. I hope that everything works out right and ya'll get to keep her. I would be wondering what is going on with her that at 11 she is not wanting to be at home. Hopefully during the time that she is with you she will open up and let you know what is going on with her.
Thank you ~* Helen *~ for the best all about me siggie! You are absolutely fabulous!
Ok so I'll try to address all of Chantelle's comments ))
1. DSD is 11. They live in a small farming town of 500 people surrounded by miles and mile of fields. Her going to & from school without a parent is NOT a risk. Trust me I grew up in a town like this. There is absolutely no crime. Anyone who isn't known to the entire town is watched like hawks It isn't that she isn't coming home at all - just not on time or in the manner she's supposed to. I don't have all the details as I wasn't part of the phone conversation and to me it isn't relevant to the situation. The kids in general are well taken care of. Mom is off her chum but not physically neglectful.
2. The talk is only of her coming here for 1 month. We are hoping for more but that will have to be worked out LATER. DH has only seen her 4-5 time for a few hours at a time in the last 1 1/2 years because of the ex's parental alienation.
3. Due to this situation, we aren't sitting down & talking to bio mom. We are taking the child and doing what we need to do after she is in our home.
4. Even if child stays with us permanently, bio mom won't have to pay cs because there are 2 children involved. If she has 1 & Dh has 1 - we're even. We aren't discussing cs before taking child as that may cause the mom to nix the idea. She's in it for the money. We care about the child. We'll figure out that after too. We'll tell her what's going to happen. Especially if I'm working and we have to pay daycare for the child.
5. If child stays with us permanently, we will go to court & have all documentation changed. But right now that's a dream & we'll see about making it reality in the future.
6. If mom wants her back after 1-2 weeks, she'll have to drive 4 hours & come and get her. If that becomes an issue with child, we will go to court immediately and file for temp custody. Having dsd here for more than a month is our idea not bio mom's. We'll take that as it comes.
7. Family counseling is a great idea but Dh, his ex & dd aren't a family anymore. If bio mom is having issues, she can have family counseling with her dd. She is a therapist after all. Not to mention that fact that all of that would be physically impossible since bio mom & dsd live 4 hours away from us. Currently the issue is with bio mom and current home life - not with us. Once dsd is here, we will decide if she needs counseling (most likely will) and we will take her for individual & her & dad counseling. We are very familiar with counseling in our family. My dd was in it from the age of 5-7.
8. We know what the problem is or problems are I should say. Most importantly, she is being kept away from her dad, her sister and her brother. All of whom she adores. She is being told that I am bad when she knows that's not true. That she loves me & likes to spend time with me. On top of that, for her entire life she has played 2nd fiddle if that to her older sister. Everything is about the older girl with bio mom. Dsd couldn't even say her favorite color was pink because that the her older sister's favorite color - she was told by bio mom what her favorite color is. This was when she was just 4 years old.
So basically we're walking into new territory here & we'll blaze the trail as we go along I've got no issues with that. I've done it before & came out on top!