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Forum: Blended Families

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  #1  
May 3rd, 2010, 09:45 PM
We love Grace-Elizabeth
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 767
Hi my name is Vicki my husband and I have been married for three years but we have been dating for 6 years. We are a blended family I had four daughters from previous marriages and my DH has 1 son and 1 daughter from previous marriage. We now have a baby girl together she is 3 1/2 months old. My girls live with us full time and only one of my daughters vists with her biodad and that is very rare not my choice his choice. We have always had joint custody with me as primary parent with him with visitation he never wants her to visit except once or twice a year. He lives in Virgina and we live in South Carolina. Anyway she is 14 years old and knows the deal by now. My DH's son visits us every wekend and almost every holiday we get him also 2 weeks on 2weeks off in the summer. We are supposed to have DH's daughter for the same schedule as his son but she chooses not to come and basically is allowed to set her own schedule. She really resents him remarring and especially someone with children who live here full time. She is now seventeen and I have been in her life since she was almost 11 so this is not a new situation for her. But I have execpted this as how she iis and we just deal with it she graduates this year and goes off to college so we get what we can with her Anyway thats us in a nutshell oh and my kids are DSD 17, DD 16, DD 14, DSS 13, DD, 12, DD 10, DD 3 1/2 mths.
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  #2  
May 4th, 2010, 07:55 AM
ElizabethS's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 11,985
Wow what a family! I'm Elizabeth (25) married to Chris (26). I have two children from a previous relationship, whom my husband adopted. Alexander (4) and Cadence (2). I also have two stepson's from his two previous relationships, Reid (3) and Isaiah (16 mos). We are expecting our first together (a boy) July 1st. We just changed the schedule for Isaiah, we get him 12 days out of the month (consecutive), instead of every other weekend. Reid we get every other weekend, and every Monday.
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Momma to Alex (2005), Cadence, (2008), Ethan (2010), Brayden (2012), and Adrianna Elise due September 19th 2014

Stepmom to two (2006, and 2009).


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  #3  
May 6th, 2010, 07:25 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
Sorry I missed this before

Welcome! I'm Kris one of the co-hosts here. I've been married to my Dh Bryan for 4 years. We have 1 child together ds -4 and dh adopted my dd -8 from a previous marriage. Dh has 2 dds who live 4 hours away with their bio mom. His dds are 11 & 15. The 15 year old won't come to our house & has prevented the younger on as well. Complicated story. Oldest has a ton of issues and resents that dh remarried (even though bio mom married the guy she was screwing when she & dh were married). It's frustrating and annoying.
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My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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  #4  
May 8th, 2010, 08:13 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
Welcome to the Blended Families board Vicki! My name is Chantelle, I am one of the co-hosts here on BF's.

I know what it's like to have a step-child resent you (the new woman in your DH's life). It was once explained to me by a counselor as this. Pretend that your husband, came home one day & said "Vicki, this is Sue, Sue is going to be my 2nd wife, she will sometimes sleep in our bed, and on those days, you will have to accept that."... Obviously this does exist in some "cultures" but I am sure that for you, this would be unacceptable, as it would be for me. It's ludicrous to think that way. Well...for the step-kids, especially the older ones, they feel that they are having to share their father's w/ someone they haven't chosen to be in their lives, and yet, they have NO say in it. Where as if our DH's came home & introduced a new gal to us & expected us to put up w/ it, we'd say "see-ya"...in the kids eyes, although the level of love is not sexual (obviously), it's still a way that they view a "new gal" that they are competing w/ an trying to share their time w/, and in the end, they have zero say in this. Children do not plan for divorces, they hope that one day, mom & dad will reunite, but when the non-custodial parent re-marries, it's final & they see that. Instead of being vocal to their parents on sadness or jealousy, they test their non-custodial "and" custodial parents & rebel. Which is to be expected. It's going to take some time, but as long as you provide a stable, and happy home for them, they can usually come around. Not always but sometimes they do. Try to be a friend, not a mom, and make the effort in allowing your DH to do the disciplining, this way, you wont have to hear it from bio-custodial mom & you wont have to hear from the step-child "you're not my mother, I don't have to listen to you" crap. Which almost 99% of the time happens.

As for a brief info about me. I am a step & bio-mom. I had a son w/ my ex in 00', we were never married, he since married & had twins (they just turned 1)... It's been a long battle & although we still have our issues, for the most part we get along just fine, exchanges are positive, we sit together at events, try to combine most of them & that's the way I'd like to keep it. To me, it's considered as perfect as it will get. Plus, my DS' step-mom, she's amazing, very sweet. Don't get me wrong, we've had our issues, but she is great to my DS, she is caring & accepting. I appreciate the relationship they have together. I used to be VERY jealous of her, but after growing up, I realized that my DS knows who his mother is & I am okay w/ my DS having lots of extra people love him.

My DH, had a son in 97' w/ his 1st marriage. They are not good at co-parenting regardless of the legal dockets stating the rules. She doesn't abide by them & she doesn't like me, my rules, or anything. She doesn't allow her son (my DSS) to be w/ us & refuses to allow a relationship to happen w/ his step & half-siblings. Very sad. And I know it's not me, b/c if I can get along w/ my ex & his wife, then there is no reason why I cannot get along w/ her. It's been her choice from day one to be the "queen" & have the "last say"....I've made a point of ignoring her & until she changes her ways, I am not getting involved, she is drama and honestly, not dealing w/ a full deck. It's been hard.

My DH & I had 2 more boys, in 06' & 07', they are very close & almost like twins. It's a full house, and when you look at the entire picture, there's a total of 6 kids w/ 3 different mothers, which equals a complicated Brady Bunch.

No situation is perfect but if you have parents that can co-parent well, it can usually be a good experience, it's when you have a power struggle & a parent who tries to use their children as a "go-between" or "toy" to get what they want. In my case, this would be my DSS' bio-mom. It's just sick & she has no idea the damage she is causing. It will one day come back to her, she will get it from her DS on how SHE kept him from his father, step-mother, half & step brothers. She will be sorry for that but until that happens, she is the one driving the bus & it's her way or no way.

On that note, I've BTDT on all angles. I have been to court for bother parties, I've seen custodial issues come up & I've also seen CS orders being enforced. I believe that the kids should remain OUT of that, but some people don't follow those examples (i.e., my DH's ex), which is sad but again, something she will have to deal w/ as time moves forward.

With all that said, I'm glad you are here. Please jump right in, we are helpful & the gals here are wonderful. All here to help. No sugar coating or fluff, just the truth.

If you need anything, feel free to PM me too.

Again, welcome!

(((HUGS)))
Chantelle
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