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Reintroduction of sorts and Transitioning question


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  #1  
June 10th, 2010, 09:51 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Goose Creek, SC
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Not sure if too many of you may remember me or not, it has been quite some time since I have been over here.

I am Gina (32) married to Jason (35). We have DSS (Alex) who is 10, my DS (TJ) who is also 10, and together we have Sam (3) and Baby Boy #4 (Gabriel) due by c-section 7/16/10. We both have custody of the older boys so everyone lives in our home. Visitation is every other week and 2 weeks out of the summer for my DS and DSS is on a hit or miss type of schedule. Unfortunately for him, his mother is not really in the picture much at all.

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My question is how do you all go about transitioning your kids back into your home when they get back from their Bio-Parents home?

We didn't use to have an issue but it is progressively getting worse with my DS. We are having some behavioral issues with him that get worse right before he leaves to his BD and is even worse when he gets home. He wants to argue over every little thing, even if I am agreeing with him.

School is out for the summer. DS is in baseball and had a lot going on this past weekend so visitation was moved, per BD, to start Sunday evening and then I let him keep DS until tonight. So he got him for 5 days instead of the normal 3. DS comes home tonight and I swear he acted like he was given nothing but sugar for 5 days straight. Nonstop talking about EVERYTHING. I asked how his weekend went and then we told him he needed to go ahead and take a shower. At this point you can tell he is overly tired and he becomes overly emotional too. Nothing can be said to him to ease him and ignoring him does not work. We are trying a non-aggressive approach with him (staying calm and not feeding into the arguements) and that doesn't seem to help yet.

Anyway, what do you all do to help transition your child(ren) back into your home from visitation?
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  #2  
June 11th, 2010, 10:35 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,124
Sorry can't help you since I'm not in that situation. I hope some of the other ladies have some good advice for you.

Just want to give support & hope you find a solution. I know going back and forth to different households can be very difficult on some children.
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  #3  
June 11th, 2010, 08:35 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Gina! Girl, where have you been?!?!!? No worries, I'm glad to see you back.

I do have that issue w/ my DS when he visits w/ his bio-dad. He'll come home w/ an attitude or rude, I quickly remind him that he's HOME & he doesn't talk like that here. And if he continues, he goes to his room for the night & usually snaps out of it by the following day. It's rare to last longer than that.

I think every child has an issue w/ transition, even if all parties are cordial & kind to one another. Every house has different rules, different environment, and the kids are expected to go back & forth & remember those rules, and change w/ in minutes. It's harder for little ones, but at least w/ my 9 year old, I'm able to talk to him & remind him that for the most part, we have the same rules, but as far as our routine at home, it's not changing & he knows that. I try to give him his space to "unwind" & "regroup" when he gets home from a weekend w/ his dad. Just like a person who works all day, they sometimes have a hard time going from "work mode" to "dad/family/mom mode"...

Not sure how much this helped you but it's not abnormal.

HIH

Again, glad to see you girl! Stick around, we missed you.

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  #4  
June 12th, 2010, 04:39 PM
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Thanks, it actually does help a bit. It is just driving me insane. Like I said, it didn't use to be like this but it is getting worse. He doesn't have rules over there, his dad actually said that he doesn't like to discipline him much because he doesn't want to be mean. Come on, he needs structure and routine. He was so over tired when he come home but swears that he went to bed at 9pm and woke up at 9am.

I took him to the dr a few weeks ago because he has become very argumentative when it comes to chores/homework. I mean so bad that he is throwing complete fits. He is almost 11. They scheduled for him to go see a psychologist but that isn't until Aug. I am going to call a christian counselor and see if talking to someone else might help some. We need to figure something out and I can't see waiting til August. UGH.

-----

Missed you ladies too.
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