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  #1  
May 11th, 2006, 09:02 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: phoenix az
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Ok here is the deal. We were told by the judge that my fiances kids are to be see their mother only under supervised visitation. She called a couple nights ago and asked to have lunch and spend the day with the kids, knowing that it's mothers day. Even though she hasn't bothered to call or try to come see her kids in over a week. That aside, we tell her yes, after church on sunday we will meet her somewhere, and let them spend time together. I was willing to spend have of my day with his (ex)wife, so that she won't be lonely on mother's day. WELL last night she DECIDES that she wants to take the kids out on a boat with her new "friend". And she talks to my fiance, and my fiance says "sure why not"...without thinking about it or asking me my opinion. So he got a piece of my mind last night, and I told him that it would be in the best interest of the kids to be "alone" with their mom out on a boat...she's supposedly only been sober for 15 days and I don't think she has earned the alone time. Plus nothing is final for another 60 days, and that isn't what the judge told us to do. All of a sudden he feels guilty because he had to turn around and tell her that he rethought it and didn't think it would be a good idea. So after she b*tched and complained for 15 minutes, they came to an agreement that we would all meet at a childrens payplace. She actually got MAD when he told her that she couldn't take the kids 2 hours away from us on a boat...And he actually told her yes....I YIYI...im still a little bent out of shape about all that....
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  #2  
May 11th, 2006, 11:01 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 57
It took my husband years to recognize that I am my step-son's primary care giver when he is with us, so it would do us all some good if he would check with me every time he makes plans. One weekend when he had to work and I had plans, and then he did not have a baby-sitter, well that taught him to double check with me even over the most miniscule schedule changes. My husband is still really lousy at being caught by the ex on the phone or at the meeting place and agreeing to something on the spot. Now he has to find a baby sitter for an entire week in August due to being a yes man.

The long and short of it is, don't make it so easy on your husband to not include you in plans he is going to make without consulting you. For instance, it is Mother's Day, take yourself out for brunch with a friend on Sunday and let him deal with the kids and the ex by himself--he seems to think he is more than capable of it.
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  #3  
May 12th, 2006, 09:26 AM
LaLa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 11,576
I think it may be time for some counsling for DH. Unfortunately, while one issue is that he agreed to this, that is against the order, without first consulting you, the biggest issue isthat he failed to consider his childrens welfare and best interest.

If hed have let her do that - or if he even admits to agreeing and then rescinding, he wont be looked upon too kindly by he courts... after all you cant go in there and argue that shes not fit to take care of the children, and then let her have them unsupervised once the court determines shes not fit for unsupervised visitation. And also - once the court determines she isnt fit for unsupervised visitation, it doesnt look good if he tried to argue that oh, shes ok, shes not doing any harm. Obviously the courts think its in the childs best interest to be with you and that shes not fit for unsupervised visitation. Goign against that will only work AGAINST him. Hes been appointed their custodial parent b/c they feel he can look out for their best interest - if he fails to do that, HE could also lose custody.

(((hugs)))

Maybe he doesnt realize all this, and hes become so comfortable he thinks its all normla. Hopefully hell sit down and think very carefully about what kind of life he wants for his children. I think a neutral third party would do best though, sometimes coming from someone close to the situation (like you) they tend to not take it as seriuosly as a third person saying "so let me get this straight - youre going to let the children go on a boat with a woman who you dont even know is sober, and if she is its been barely 2 weeks, etc..."???

Lala...
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  #4  
May 12th, 2006, 10:45 AM
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Thank you ladies. lala I said exactly that: third person saying "so let me get this straight - youre going to let the children go on a boat with a woman who you dont even know is sober, and if she is its been barely 2 weeks, etc..."???

We argued about it all day yesterday...he just becomes defensive of his actions. He finally lowered his voice when i started to cry...i couldn't take it anymore. I had tried having the conversation with him so i could more understand why he talks to her the way he does, and why he is trying to help her out so much. i'm pregnant and moody as he** and I think he feels like he has to please me because he loves me and please her to keep the friendship with her for the benefit of her kids.

Yesterday, the kids' mom's boyfriend called us and told us that on sunday we are all going to meet at the park(even though it's 105 degrees), and hang out for the rest of the afternoon after church. I am wondering if she wanted to do that because when she met me i was sunburnt from being in the hot arizona sun...and she new i was pregnant and uncomfortable in the sun. I am really curious. I will keep my mouth shut about it this weekend though. I am not going to make a scene and ruin MY mother's day....
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Momma to Leila Grace- August 16, 2006</span>
Stepmom to Kristen Ann-November 29,1994
Stepmom to Blake Edward-September 5, 1996




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  #5  
May 12th, 2006, 04:15 PM
MommieinNC's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,119
Actually I would open my mouth again....

105 degrees weather (or even close) and children should not be out in it for an entire afternoon... That is also unsafe... As children can quickly get sunstroke, sunburnt, or dehydration simply from the heat and too much running around.

You're pregnant... You have a toddler, and ALL of these children are your responsibility... Sitting outside in the extreme heat of Arizona for several hours to play is not exactly smart... And what happens if the kids do get heatstroke or sunburnt or anything else from it? They could turn around and use that against you guys saying you guys failed to protect them from an obvious danger...

Just keep that in mind.
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  #6  
May 12th, 2006, 08:42 PM
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Sometimes I think that the EX's get yes all the time b/c DH's just get tired of arguing and know its easier to say yes to her and deal with us later..lol. KWIM.
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