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  #1  
July 31st, 2010, 01:47 AM
Regular
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Rosemount, MN
Posts: 98
I just moved out of state with my 7 year old son from Cali to Minnesota. His father and I dont have a custody or child support order.

well... i need to tell the whole background story w him before I ask, so here goes:

My ex, RJ, was my senior prom date. We got preggo a year and a half after HS. When Trent (son) was 3 months I got a part time job and RJ quit his. I left him when Trent was a year and a half. Over the past 6 years I have struggled to stay afloat. At one point I worked 2 full time jobs for 2 years. I never took RJ to court for custody bc I knew he didnt want that responsibility of taking care of his son day and night. From the time I left him up until Trent was 4 1/2 he didnt even hardly see him... He'd come around once every few months. I didnt ask for child support in that time bc my train of thought was this: If he's not around, I dont want his money or handouts. I'll do it myself. Well, since he started actually coming around, I have only asked for money twice, and he has given me a total of $230. I haven't been able to go to school bc the jobs I've had havent allowed for a limited schedule. Finally I have had enough struggling and my BF now and I are expecting a little girl. Wanting to find somewhere to raise our children and get ahead we have moved out of state with some family members so we can get on our feet.

Now that I need to get social service assistance, I have to file for custody and child support and it makes me really scared. Even though I have let my son go with his father for up to a month (right before we moved) I dont fully trust him. He and his GF smoke weed and has admitted to letting Trent stay up waaay too late (into the wee hrs of the am) bc they take him to friend's houses and he doesnt go to bed at a decent time.


While he was at his dads for the month, he stayed visited w me one day. His dad had then asked me if I wanted to him to stay the night w me. I said of course!! He said good, bc he was going to jason's house (friends) and since they dont go to bed until around 4 am, so Trent wont go to bed early. I asked him what time has Trent been going to bed, and his father said around midnight or 1. I got irritated bc why would he even put our son in a situation where he cant put Trent to bed at a decent time. Like, if you're going to stay somewhere, u should make sure that your son's needs come first. And a 7 yr old doesnt need to go to a party house.


My question is: How does this custody and support thing work? Whats going to happen, and how do I make my concerns known in a way that I'm taken seriously??

I'm so sorry this is so long, but I really need help...

p.s. pls dont judge... I know that I have grammatical errors and spelling errors... I was trying to get everything out, and I have a hard time explaining myself sometimes...

Thank you for understanding :0)

Last edited by givemewings310; July 31st, 2010 at 01:49 AM. Reason: forgot...
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  #2  
August 1st, 2010, 06:17 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
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Hi! First of all welcome to the Blended Families board! I'm Rachel, mom of three and step-mom of two who live with us full time.

I'm not sure how child support and custody work in Minnesota, but Minnesota has a free legal clinic. I would probably check into it.

LawHelpMN.org - Find Free Legal Help, Access Legal Aid Information, and Know Your Rights About the Law!

Each state is different on how it works, but if you are so far from where your son's father lives, I would imagine that he wouldn't contest the custody issue. Did he know you were moving? Did he try to prevent you by filing for custody before you left or anything like that?
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  #3  
August 1st, 2010, 09:52 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Rosemount, MN
Posts: 98
Thank you for the link Yeah, I told him 2 1/2 months before we moved, and I even let Trent stay w his dad for a month before we left. He didnt try to contest it in court or even to me. My SO wants to adopt him someday tho
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  #4  
August 2nd, 2010, 05:29 AM
Momeejenjen's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Spring Hill, TN
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Welcome to the blended family board! I also don't know much about MN laws, but I know in TN the court will set up a parenting plan and once a "plan" is in place, (set visitations ect) then they use a work sheet to determine the amount of support based on your income and his and the amount of time you have the child and he has the child. You also get credit for each child you have, same with him.

I wish you the very best! Being out of state should actually play to your advantage.

Best of luck!!
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  #5  
August 2nd, 2010, 09:44 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Rosemount, MN
Posts: 98
Thank you
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  #6  
August 3rd, 2010, 10:38 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
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Every stat is different. But in general most judges like to give joint custody. Which just basically means your ex has equal say in decision for your child. Being in another state may help you to get sole custody though as your ex won't be available to for the day to day stuff. Not sure though.

As for child support - every state is different. In Illinois, it's a set percentage of the non custodial parents income. So your income isn't factored in or anything else.
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  #7  
August 3rd, 2010, 10:52 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Every stat is different. But in general most judges like to give joint custody. Which just basically means your ex has equal say in decision for your child. Being in another state may help you to get sole custody though as your ex won't be available to for the day to day stuff. Not sure though.

As for child support - every state is different. In Illinois, it's a set percentage of the non custodial parents income. So your income isn't factored in or anything else.
See, it's totally not like that in Maryland. They only give joint custody if the parents consent to it. A judge in Maryland can not order joint custody if one of the parties is contesting that. I hate it. It should be the norm. And in Maryland the child support guidelines factor in the custodial parents income. They combine mom & dad's income. Look on a chart for the number of kids that are in question, and find a number that is supposed to represent the portion of the total parental income that should be used for the children. Then they figure dad's percent of that amount and mom's percent of that amount and then the non custodial parent pays that percentage of the total. I'm probably not explaining it well, but it works like this:

Say if mom makes 1500 a month and dad makes 2000 a month, and dad is the non-custodial parent in this case. The total is $3500, so on the chart, $3500 for two kids is $850. Dad's percentage of the total monthly income is 57% and mom's is 43%, so dad would have to pay mom 57% of $850 per month (484.00) + any extra expenses such as child care and health insurance.

Seems like a really long way to get it, but that's how it works in Maryland and I'm sure there are other states that compute it that way.
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