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  #1  
May 18th, 2006, 12:46 PM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ok, to give you some background info. When my son was 1yr, I left his father due to domestic violence. Due to the reasons, I got sole legal and physical custody but the judge gave him visitation.

In the past 3 yrs we have had a lot of issues arrive. First of all, I remarried. DS decided to call DH daddy. It was his choice and his alone, so I never fought it. DH loves him so much and treats him like his own. Honestly, he has treated him better than his bio dad does. He spends time with him, listens to him everything. before I left his bio dad, his bio dad had never fed him, played with him, changed a diaper, sat at the hospital or doctors with him or even went to the store to buy diapers or formula. Because I didn't drive, I would either have to take the bus or ask my mom or friends to take me. Second, I have NEVER told my son why I left, just that sometimes mommies and daddies don't get along and have to live in different homes, but that we still love him just as much. I left because he had kicked me in the stomach when I was pregnant and I lost that baby, because he had hurt me pretty bed, and because I was scared that he would hurt me worse than he already had or start to hurt DS. I am not about to tell a 4 yr old that. When he's older and wants the truth, I know I will eventually have to give him the truth. But that's a long ways off. his father tells him that I left because I didn't want him to have a daddy and that I tried to kill him (father).

Now I live about 30-45 minutes away, on a good day. The court order has visitation every other weekend and every wendesday night. Fridays we drop him off at 6 PM. We drive him down. Sundays we pick him up at 9 AM. Once again we drive there (we go to church nearby so that's not a problem. Wenedsays we drop him off at 4:30 PM. Once again, we do the driving. That evening my dad pickes him up about 8 PM (he's already down there, and lives almost next door). Anyone notice a trend here?

So we have to go back to court because he refuses t come down here at all.

Second, bio dad is NEVER there. That's from DS's own mouth. He asked me why "only daddy never comes to see him when he's there. Nana and Grandpa JD are the ones there. SOmetimes aunties and cousins, but rarely bio-dad. I've asked if there was a different schedule that would work better for him and he says "no this is fine"

hen there's the fact that I strongly believe that when children sleep talk, they are not lying. So I would like to know why the heck my son is telling me in his sleep that only daddy hit him on the face and choked him. I woke up to him crying the other night and when I went in he was talking in his sleep and I heard "only daddy why did you hit my face and choke me!"

I'm getting him in couseling, and at his age they do role play, so I'm hoping the couselor can tell me what's going on and maybe help us stop this problem. I am concerned about his safety but unless he's willing to tell someone himself (he never talks about this when he's awake), there's nothing I can do. CPS has already been involved when "only daddy" told him to hit sister, drop her down stairs, and choke her. When the lady asked him he said "I don't want to talk about this."

I'm at the end of my rope, and I want to keep him safe but don't know how anymore!
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  #2  
May 18th, 2006, 12:59 PM
MorgaineNTannersMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would be going straight back to court. Esp since you never told him about the DV. A kid DOES NOT make that ##### up on their own. I would also bring up the fact that he's been told that you tried to kill his bio father.
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  #3  
May 18th, 2006, 01:04 PM
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I would say next time you hear him talking in your sleep record it for future reference and request that cps visit the bio dad when your son is there. You are a good person to do the traveling. We travel 3.5 hrs one way on Fridays to get my sd and 3.5 to get back home and turn around and do the same thing on Sunday. Bio mom refuses to meet us halfway and she has never dropped her off or picked her up from our home. We spend 14 hrs in one weekend just traveling. I would be very concerned. A suggestion in getting him into a counselor would also be to find one that he likes and feels comfortable with. maybe a male dr. Make sure they are used to dealing with children. I would definitly say something is going on. Have you ever called during one of his visits to speak to him to see if he is home or not. Just use the excuse he wasnt feeling well earlier in the day and you were just checking in on him. Just a thought.

I would say next time you hear him talking in your sleep record it for future reference and request that cps visit the bio dad when your son is there. You are a good person to do the traveling. We travel 3.5 hrs one way on Fridays to get my sd and 3.5 to get back home and turn around and do the same thing on Sunday. Bio mom refuses to meet us halfway and she has never dropped her off or picked her up from our home. We spend 14 hrs in one weekend just traveling. I would be very concerned. A suggestion in getting him into a counselor would also be to find one that he likes and feels comfortable with. maybe a male dr. Make sure they are used to dealing with children. I would definitly say something is going on. Have you ever called during one of his visits to speak to him to see if he is home or not. Just use the excuse he wasnt feeling well earlier in the day and you were just checking in on him. Just a thought.
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  #4  
May 18th, 2006, 03:14 PM
appifanie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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that's so horrible!! your poor son! i agree that you should tape record it if you can and find a counselor that specializes in little kids.

re: the driving. my DH's ex has driven 1/2 way 3 times in the last 15 months. evil.
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  #5  
May 18th, 2006, 05:48 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Is there anyway that you can request supervised visitation? I would definately be finding out about that.
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  #6  
May 19th, 2006, 11:04 AM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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His father won't give me HIS number. He lives with his mom, so I have his mom's cell number, and his mom's husbands cell number. I'm actually debating getting DS the Migo phone to send with him when he goe's there. So he can call if he wants to, because the court order allows him to call whenever he wanyts to, and I know his fahter doesn't let him (DOc has cried because he comes home, and says "mommy, only daddy told me I can't call you"). I am going back to court, hopefully this time the judge won't tell me what they said last time, "it's a waste of our visitation supervisors to allow for this supervised visit." He goes today, and for the fisrt time in the 3 years that visitation has been going on, his father is driving out to get him, but only because I told him I could not do it today since me and DD are both sick. He know's he's going and he told me "but mommy, I want to stay here with you!"
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  #7  
May 22nd, 2006, 04:00 PM
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Oh, that is so sad. Your poor son. I would definately take him to a counselor, if you can get it documented of what your son is saying by someone outside of the situation, maybe it would help in gettting the supervised visits or even getting visits revoked.

I wish you the best of luck.
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  #8  
May 22nd, 2006, 04:34 PM
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OMG i dont go on this board, but i am SO sorry about the situation you are in. I dont want to go into detail out in person, but my family is kind of going through the same thing, just not physical abuse. Its difficult because even when they do get the counsillors, especially with Children protective Services they talk to them liek they are 12. I can try to help you, Just PM and I iwll tell you our situation and what we are doing. My sister is going through a very very hectic time right now and is also stuck. swap some suggestions i guess you can say. I am so sorry about your DS. No child should go through that, and no child should lose thier innocence. God ppl these days disgust me.
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