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Kind of quick question... I'm somewhat of a luker on this board I posted once over a year ago, things have changed a lot since then and I'm sure no one would remember anyway but I wanted some opinions. My FH(we're getting married in a few weeks) has a 5 year old he starts school tomorrow. FH wants me to be there we've oked it with the school and the lawyer but his son's mom doesn't want me there. She says in the future we can work something out but not this time. FH has tried to talk to her but she refused to listen and this time he just kinda told her that he wants me there end of story but I'm so torn I want to be there. He'll never get another first day of school and why should I be excluded when I'm a primary person in his life. Her boyfriend gets to see him the morning of so I feel like its just me being excluded. Everyone thinks that I should just go but I'm worried she might cause a scene or that this is somehow a bad idea. The lawyer told us that she can't prevent me from being in his life and attending events like this. What do you guys think? Should I go or stay home? I don't want years from now to be asked by my step-son why I wasn't there but I don't want to cause a major scene.
I wouldn't have gone. You may be involved in his life but you aren't his parent. Nor should you act like one as long as his mother is involved.
Trust me, he won't remember years from now whether you were there or not. No offense but he is 5. He will remember it however if there is a bad scene. I think your DF should go but alone. You need to learn to pick your battles and I don't think this is one of them.
I ended up going. I'm really happy that I did. I could tell she was pissed when she saw me but my step-son made all my anxiety just melt away. He came running up to me and was so happy to see me he was very excited that I was there too. We got a couple of pictures, I told him to have a great day and then I walked back to the car. I let his mom and dad do the whole walking him in and to the classroom bit. I wasn't trying to overstep just show that I care about him too. She almost made a scene when she said that since I was already there I might as well walk in but my step-son was in mid-sentence telling me about something so he didn't hear and I left before it could turn into anything else. She made it clear that he got to see her boyfriend that morning and that they took a ton of pictures together. I felt it was really unfair to expect me to be the only one who didn't get to experience his first day with him. It would have been different if her boyfriend had been excluded too.
I'm glad it ended up going well. I think you handled it well too. Good for you!
BTW as a mother, it isn't always logical how we feel about our children & sharing them. I know many a mother that has freaked when they find their little one sometimes calls the daycare provider mommy.
I wouldn't take it personally. You are a threat to her and her boyfriend isn't. She's just afraid her kid will love you more. It's crazy but some mother's are insecure. To me the more people that love my kids the better!