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Issues with DD's dad.......


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  #1  
August 31st, 2010, 02:42 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 2,749
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hey!

I just have a question..
So i have one DD. and her dad and i are not together.
I have a BF and he is great. he is really there for me and my child.
The issue is my EX my DDs dad...oh what a surprise!
He just down right horrible. He treats me like crap anytime we talk. ( He was abusive hence why i left him in 07). He typically will blame his life wrongs on me... typical. So anytime he drinks or has girl issues he just say horrible things. He tells me that he will never live with a girl or get married cause of me. Which is a lie in general. He has lived with another girl before and that ended horrible i guess. He is the type of guy when he breaks up with a girl he will call her names.... like a b**** or c**** . Anyways sometimes he stresses me out so much. I sorta put it out on my BF but i really try not to. Me and my bf have a great relationship. he is really great to me. We plan to eventually live together in about another year. But my ex just is not a good person. KWIM? like tonight i told my bf " to leave us alone" which he knows i didnt mean that and we talked on the phone. My bf is amazing and he knos to give me space when i get that upset with the x..
has anyone gone through something like this? Any thoughts or advice?

it be great if my DD's dad would just go away .. he is a not so great dad. just part of me wishes he would go away..KWIM?

Also when i told my BF to leave us alone..i know it hurt him... i could hear it in his voice . but he said he understood and it was okay. i just feel bad... we typically can talk about ANYTHING... but he doesnt have any experience in this... and he says that also . he tries to understand and he just HATES seeing me so upset so it makes him upset he is really so wonderful. and im blessed for him! But are we gunna deal with this forever? we are really hoping not!
My ex will do anything to control anything..and i have a kid attached to him.... how do i stop this? any ideas.....
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  #2  
August 31st, 2010, 08:22 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
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The longer you let him (your ex) upset you and your life, the harder it will be to move on. What I mean is, he's winning. His purpose is to make you miserable and you're letting him. Act as if you don't care what he says or what he does and he'll get bored quickly. Protect your rights and the rights of your daughter and ignore his rantings. You'll be much happier in the long run.
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  #3  
August 31st, 2010, 08:28 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
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Thanks.. yeah i try to do that! lol.. i really dont care if he never wants to move with another girl or get married his choice.. but he always wants the control. I guess i'll just continue to ignore it. but not fair to my daughter. I wish hed grow up and act like an adult... a few months ago he tried to ask to get back together. I told him no way.
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  #4  
August 31st, 2010, 10:06 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 8,999
You need to set boundries:

For example: When you are talking to your ex on the phone & he start with the abuse. Calmly tell him that if he doesn't stop that you will hange up & he can call back when he's ready to talk nicely. And then follow through when he talks bad. It will make him mad at 1st but eventually, he will realize that he can no longer abuse you.

The major step is that you have to believe that you don't deserve to be abused. I know you believe that on the surface but you need to believe it deep down.

Anyway, I'll see if I can think of some more ideas. BTDT btw.
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  #5  
August 31st, 2010, 11:49 AM
ToonTownGirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 729
I'm sorry to hear that this is happening. Is there any kind of order in place in regards to custody/visitation? That might help if there isn't. Also, if it becomes abusive/harassing, contact the police, and you could get a restraining order against him. Just some thoughts.

But stand your ground and don't let him control you. Like the other ladies said, his goal is to make you unhappy, so don't let him have that power. Trust me, I have 2 on the other side that proceed to attempt to make our lives miserable. We don't let them

{{hugs}}
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  #6  
August 31st, 2010, 09:50 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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thank you so much! i thought of calling the police...
My BF works at the PD also. he is hopefully become a cop there also within the year <3 . so i go to my BF with most of it. He has visitation i suppose. im trying to keep it civil..... but its hard when he does this crap. he kinda hurts me n my bfs relationship because if i stress my amazing bf stresses out too..which i feel bad. but he just cares so much... im very lucky'!

so, i thought of getting others involed but he just threatens me which is not cool................ ugh just wish he was civil .
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  #7  
September 1st, 2010, 09:40 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
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I am Sorry you have to go thru this!

Be Strong I know that is easier said then done! You can do it!
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  #8  
September 1st, 2010, 10:43 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: MN
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Thank you so much! .. yeah i am typically pretty strong but somedays im like UGH....
you know? I do it all for my little girl!

My BF is just there for me to talk...so thats nice!
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