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  #1  
September 14th, 2010, 11:49 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
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DSS has been spending every other weekend at our house, which is a shocker. It's been nice, I wont lie & say that everything has gone smoothly but it's not as bad as before. He has tried to sneak text his mother to go home & his bio-mom called my DH immediately to tell my DH & the cell phone was taken away ASAP. Which was nice, both him & his ex/bio-mom were on the same page. No longer allowing my DSS to be the person to take control.

Here's my issue. In my house, everyone helps out, everyone! Everyone makes their own beds, everyone cleans their own mess, takes out the trash etc. Well... we had my DSS vacuum the house. He said "I don't know how to vacuum".... he is going to be 13 in 2 mos.! So we showed him. Then bio-mom/ex said that she felt bad for him that he was the poor step-child that had to do all the dirty work at our house. My DH stuck up for the situation & said "he's a slob, takes full advantage of YOU & it's ridiculous that you allow him to do nothing all day & not vacuum in the house".

Rules are rules. Plain & simple. I'm not going to bend the rules b/c my DSS is over the house. Doesn't work that way.
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  #2  
September 14th, 2010, 12:17 PM
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We have the everyone helps clean rule at our house. Even the 4 year old helps. She has to put her toys away and if we are doing a super cleaning she helps wipe off toys and stuff like that. I am lucky because she does tell her daddy mommy had me cleaning he says well thats a good thing because you need to learn how to.

K is a very neat 15 year old the only thing she gets bad about is cleaning the rabbits cage. She gives attitude when we remind her. She begged and pleaded for it so she has to take care of it.
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  #3  
September 14th, 2010, 12:20 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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I agree that rules are rules, but can't you see how he would feel in the situation? Perhaps he feels like he didn't make the mess that he's forced to clean up. I agree that he should pull his own weight when he's there on the weekends, i.e., cleaning up after himself.

Perhaps you could sit down with him and say "hey, we work as a team here. You're part of the family, part of the team, so we need your help", then let him pick a chore that he wants to do each weekend while he's there. I wouldn't force one on him, because you think it's an easy chore, kwim?
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  #4  
September 14th, 2010, 05:20 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Location: NYC
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I'm staring to feel like I'm all up in Rachel's butt crack, but I agree with her yet again. I know my DSD has a hard time cleaning up, even after herself at times. I just remind her that this is how it's done here end of story. I ask her if she does this stuff at her house with her mom, and if she does, then I tell her she can do it here too.

This past year has been really hard with DSD, she refuses to do anything even after I remind her of the rules. Maybe lessen the work load for him, that might make it easier for him to get used to the rules in your house.
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  #5  
September 14th, 2010, 06:10 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
I'm staring to feel like I'm all up in Rachel's butt crack, but I agree with her yet again.
That made me a lot.
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  #6  
September 14th, 2010, 06:33 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Location: NYC
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Glad I could bring a to your night.
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❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



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  #7  
September 15th, 2010, 08:09 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
I agree that rules are rules, but can't you see how he would feel in the situation? Perhaps he feels like he didn't make the mess that he's forced to clean up. I agree that he should pull his own weight when he's there on the weekends, i.e., cleaning up after himself.

Perhaps you could sit down with him and say "hey, we work as a team here. You're part of the family, part of the team, so we need your help", then let him pick a chore that he wants to do each weekend while he's there. I wouldn't force one on him, because you think it's an easy chore, kwim?
I guess I wasn't as clear as I should have been. He was explained how this is what we do as part of a family. I had explained to my DH that in the past, when DSS would come over, he would get the Disney-land/red carpet treatment. But now that he's spending every other weekend w/ us, there is no reason for him to spend all this time here & do nothing while even my 2 year old picks up after himself. It's not fair/right & if my other boys see that their brother doesn't have to do it, they're going to wonder why he gets special treatment. We also told him that he was cleaning up his mess, the vacuuming part was b/c of all the crumbs he had left behind (we get mice & ants b/c of it if you don't clean that up). My DS, he does a heck of a lot more than vacuuming, if that's all DS needed to do was to vacuum w/ a Dyson slim (very lightweight) to me, that was cake. He was spoiled all weekend long w/ treats & movies. Hope that is more clear. He didn't have to take out the trash, do any laundry or scrub grout, it was some simple vacuuming, which sadly, he said "how do you turn this on?" BIG RED BUTTON???? Sad....
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