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Depends on my mood and how far he's driving. I tend to stay home for the 3+ hours one way trips cause those end up being 6+ hours in the car and I have a bad back. When the trip is roughly 3 hours round trip, then I go. Unless I'm not in the mood to see anyone's face.
❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
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Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11
Dh goes alone. They live 4 hours away so even though they meet 1/2 way between the driving & drop off time, it's too much for my little ones.
Plus I have absolutely no desire to see his ex or oldest dd. When sds was with us & Dh was in the hospital - bio mom was in our town visiting friends. I dropped dsd off at the hospital and got out of there. I have no desire to be part of that mess.
Depends whats happening afterward. If we have to bring my DSS home & we're going someplace that we all want to go too after like a store or place, we all go, if not, DH will bring his son home alone or take one of the boys or all the other boys w/ him. When my DS gets dropped off by his dad (my ex), he usually comes w/ only his dad but sometimes his siblings & step-mother are in the car, same usual reasons.
In the beginning, the whole thing about me being in the same car or having my ex's girlfriend (before they married) in the same car, it was awkward & jealous, hurtful, but now I don't even think about it. It's just another thing we do, like brushing our teeth. I guess to a new Blended Family this is a big issue b/c it can be uncomfortable & I can recall having my baby boy getting dropped off by my ex & his girlfriend & I used to get VERY upset, jealous, angry, bitter. Now, I don't know why I felt that way. Well... I do... I was insecure about my status as a mother to my son. I felt that in some way I was being replaced, that she was trying to replace me, that he would love her more or that I wasn't good enough, etc. But now, I realize that my son knows who his mother is 100%, and he loves both me & his step-mother, that there is plenty of room in his heart to love BOTH of us & that doesn't make it bad. That insecurity is gone & although I sometimes can get territorial (which his not common), I find that she gets me so much more than my ex & we are able to co-parent better now that we have a mutual understanding/relationship. Once you realize the threat is gone, and you can be mature about it, you can be a better person all together. Taking the hate out of it, the jealousy, it makes things just easier for everyone & the child (my DS) sees a happy situation, he doesn't have to choose who to love more or which side, because there are no sides. KWIM?
Gosh I just rambled w/ that but it took me back to a time when my DS was first born & how I recall when my DS would visit for a few hours w/ my ex, and how he'd be brought home to me & I'd watch from my 3rd story apartment how my baby would be taken out of the car seat by "her" (step-mom) & how horrible, angry & jealous I'd feel, how crazy my mind would make me. I can remember that day like it was yesterday in my mind. But I look back & I'm so glad that I don't feel that way anymore. Now, I don't even look out the window to see WHO is in the car, or WHAT vehicle, I just wait for the knock or keep my door unlocked & my son walks into the house & my DH usually greets my ex at the door. It's not awkward anymore. Gosh, I really hope people out there that are in the situation I "was" in, can get past it & get to where I am now. It's draining to live that way.
I think it all depends on your relationship with the BM. And if your being there for pickups and drop offs complicate things. At first I didnt. In fact I didnt see BM until after my husband had custody. By then I had a relationship with my SD and it was a lot less awkward.
BF usually picks up and drops off is daughter alone or with one of my guys tagging along. Only because of the hours as the baby is usually sleeping. I have occassionally gone along but have never actually met her yet. She doesn't come out when we pick up or drop off.