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This made me happy


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  #1  
September 20th, 2010, 04:36 PM
Arachne
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Last edited by Arachne; September 21st, 2010 at 10:30 AM.
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  #2  
September 20th, 2010, 05:17 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Awww! I don't think it's wrong that it pleases you! I'm sure she was not pleased at all, though. :evil:
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  #3  
September 20th, 2010, 06:09 PM
Arachne
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Last edited by Arachne; September 21st, 2010 at 10:30 AM.
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  #4  
September 21st, 2010, 10:17 AM
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I'm glad you have such a good relationship with him. I find it sad that his mother doesn't. I would like to think that this experience would make her wake up but I'm sure it won't.

I do think though that in the future, you should encourage him to talk to his mom. You shouldn't be doing activities with him while he's supposed to be on the phone with him. You should stop & say "It's time to talk to your mom. We'll continue our game after you're done"
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  #5  
September 21st, 2010, 10:29 AM
Arachne
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Please do not tell me what I should and should not be doing. You don't know the full situation, you don't know their mother.
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  #6  
September 21st, 2010, 10:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fright View Post
Please do not tell me what I should and should not be doing. You don't know the full situation, you don't know their mother.
Wow defensive much? No I don't know the situation but I do know that no matter what happened this is their mother. And like it or not they should have some type of relationship with her.

I know from experience what it's like to have a child with a toxic parent. My dd's bio dad is as toxic as they come. However, even though he gave up his parental rights and my dh adopted her - dd's choice she was 6 a the time. It's important for my dd to know her bio dad loves her. She knows he can't be a dad like Dh but he does love her. So I send pictures and updates to him and he sends her gifts. It does scare me that some day he'll want more and he will come into her life & hurt her. But for now it's more important to her to know that she hasn't been abandoned. If she ever want to talk with him I will let her. He lives in another state so visits aren't a concern but I would let her talk to him on the phone.

And for the record, I wasn't telling you what to do. I was giving MY opinion which is MY right.
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  #7  
September 21st, 2010, 11:12 AM
Arachne
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I don't prevent the children from talking to their mother on the phone. It was on speaker phone, and she was definitely talking to his older sister, not him at the time. Not until he said a letter and she followed along.

I can't tell you the number of time I've told him to go talk to his mother, not me, when he's on the phone with her.

Last edited by Arachne; September 21st, 2010 at 01:30 PM.
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  #8  
September 21st, 2010, 01:41 PM
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I never said you prevented them from talking to their mother. I wonder why you are so defensive that you are putting words in my mouth that weren't there?

I don't know where you are getting the idea that I'm criticizing you because I'm not. However, I won't come on here and applaud an action that was done to hurt someone else. You came off as having a victory that your stepchild loves you more than his parent.

If my dd were talking to my ex, I would be so upset if my dh kept talking/playing with her at the same time. It's just not the right thing to do.

You've won. You have the man, you have the kids - they love you more. You just don't need to rub her face in it - no matter what she did.

Just my opinion.
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  #9  
September 21st, 2010, 01:41 PM
ToonTownGirl's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fright View Post
I don't prevent the children from talking to their mother on the phone. It was on speaker phone, and she was definitely talking to his older sister, not him at the time. Not until he said a letter and she followed along.

I can't tell you the number of time I've told him to go talk to his mother, not me, when he's on the phone with her.

Well at least they are making an effort to talk to the kids. Neither one of our monsters call their kids when they are with us. But in the end it's good to keep encouraging them to talk to the other parent. And when they are older and realize the "big picture" they will see that YOU wanted to help them, and will appreciate it.

And what is with your posts that you post and then delete and put a .????
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  #10  
September 21st, 2010, 01:52 PM
Arachne
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Because apparently I fail at properly communicating, and I'd rather not have people jump my case because they misunderstood what I typed.

I'm getting defensive because you definitely did say "You shouldn't ____." "You should ____." I'm getting defensive, because as much as you misunderstood my original post, it's not hard to misunderstand what you're saying in return. "If she ever want to talk with him I will let her. He lives in another state so visits aren't a concern but I would let her talk to him on the phone." Implied to me, that you thought I was keeping them from talking to their mother on the phone.

It wasn't an action done to hurt someone else. Again, she was NOT talking to the youngest. She was talking to the eldest. The youngest gets upset when the eldest talks to their mother at times. So when she's not speaking directly to him, it's easier to do something with him, so that his sister has tiem to talk to her mother, also. Because, doesn't she deserve to have time to talk to her mother?

It wasn't meant as having a victory. I most definitely was not rubbing it in her face.

I'm going to quit replying to this. I'm actually going to quit posting on the board. Because what is the point if everything I say is going to be misconstrued and taken the wrong way.

Last edited by Arachne; September 21st, 2010 at 01:55 PM.
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  #11  
September 21st, 2010, 02:12 PM
ToonTownGirl's Avatar Super Mommy
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Well I'm sorry that you feel that way. This has been (for as long as I have been on here, and that's awhile) a board when you take the best and leave the rest. Not everyone is going to agree. But the one thing around here, is no one sugar coats anything.

I love the ladies that I have gotten to know here. And there are times when we don't see eye to eye, but I'm not about to throw a tantrum and stomp off into a corner because you didn't like the responses that you got.

Your choice to leave, but know that it's on your own accord, and not because someone "made" you leave.

Just my 2 cents
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  #12  
September 21st, 2010, 02:13 PM
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First, your quote was me talking about my biological child - not about your stepchildren. I implied nothing. You haven't been around long enough to know that I don't waste my time implying things - I say them outright. I think you are feeling guilty so you reading thing in to what I write.

2nd if the little one gets upset when the older one is talking to the mom on the phone, then why do you have it on speaker phone????? Why not let the older one take the phone in another room an talk to her mom? (I have a 4 year old & an 8 year old - I know how it goes). You said that you put the speaker phone on so they BOTH could talk. I didn't misunderstand that at all. You seem to be changing the story Of course, you deleted it I can't go back & quote it.

I'm entitled to my opinion. I stand by what I wrote.
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  #13  
September 21st, 2010, 02:18 PM
Arachne
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I said I wasn't going to bother replying. So I'm sticking by that. My first post was misunderstood, I apologize for reading more into what you said, than what you meant. I've always read more into what people said, even when I was younger. The phone was not put onto speaker phone by MY choice, I hate it when the phone is on speakerphone, but her mother told her to do it, and who am I to against what her mother wants? Their mother gets vindictive when she doesn't get her way, so I pretty much let those things slide.

Last edited by Arachne; September 21st, 2010 at 02:28 PM.
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  #14  
September 21st, 2010, 02:29 PM
ToonTownGirl's Avatar Super Mommy
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Well before you changed this post 3 times, you stated you were leaving the board. So what's the deal?

You are welcome to stay, but changing posts to make your story sound better, or for whatever, just write a new post....
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  #15  
September 21st, 2010, 02:36 PM
Arachne
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Originally Posted by ToonTownGirl View Post
Well before you changed this post 3 times, you stated you were leaving the board. So what's the deal?

You are welcome to stay, but changing posts to make your story sound better, or for whatever, just write a new post....


Do you mean the editing? The editing is a habit from a different forum I'm on. They prefer you to edit and add to, rather than to post, especially if you'd just made a post. For some stupid reason. Or, I dislike the way I worded something, so I go back and reword it in a better way.

I'm fully aware that I suck at wording things properly sometimes. Sometimes I type things and post and then I think "Well, that's not really something that matters." and I delete it, but then I decide it's relevant to what I said and I re add it. For both reasons, I figured it was better to edit it, because it's easier to keep track of that three or four posts because I don't like the way I worded something, or to correct my spelling.

As far as stating that I'm leaving the board, I fully intend to. I was offering an apology to Miracles for reading further into what she said, than what was meant. Which I figured was important.
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  #16  
September 21st, 2010, 02:39 PM
ToonTownGirl's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fright View Post
As far as stating that I'm leaving the board, I fully intend to. I was offering an apology to Miracles for reading further into what she said, than what was meant. Which I figured was important.
Well again, that is your choice to make.
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  #17  
September 21st, 2010, 03:09 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Deep breaths everyone. Please, I don't want anyone to leave the board over this. I think it's very important for us to support each other and not tear each other down. Let's just let this go, ok?
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  #18  
September 21st, 2010, 03:23 PM
ToonTownGirl's Avatar Super Mommy
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I, personally don't feel like I have torn anyone down. Things aren't always sunshine and lollipops around here. Yes, it's sometimes tough to get out what you have to say, but sometimes trying to explain in different words helps.

I won't apologize for what I said, or change my thoughts/opinions so someone will stay. This has always been a "take the best and leave the rest" type of board.

Yes, we may not always agree with each other, but in the end, we are all here for one reason. And that's to support each other. I've been around this board a LONG time, and I haven't always agreed with things said, I say my piece and off we go. Life goes on.

So take it for what it is, but I'm not going to sugar coat or change who I am for anyone. Don't like what I have to say, ignore it. Plain and simple.
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  #19  
September 21st, 2010, 04:08 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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I appreciate you letting this go, Tiffany. I didn't mean to imply that you personally had done anything wrong or that anyone had done anything wrong, I just wanted to remind everyone that this board is meant to be supportive of each other.

Agreeing to disagree is the most mature thing we can do.
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  #20  
September 22nd, 2010, 10:18 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fright View Post
Because apparently I fail at properly communicating, and I'd rather not have people jump my case because they misunderstood what I typed.

I'm getting defensive because you definitely did say "You shouldn't ____." "You should ____." I'm getting defensive, because as much as you misunderstood my original post, it's not hard to misunderstand what you're saying in return. "If she ever want to talk with him I will let her. He lives in another state so visits aren't a concern but I would let her talk to him on the phone." Implied to me, that you thought I was keeping them from talking to their mother on the phone.

It wasn't an action done to hurt someone else. Again, she was NOT talking to the youngest. She was talking to the eldest. The youngest gets upset when the eldest talks to their mother at times. So when she's not speaking directly to him, it's easier to do something with him, so that his sister has tiem to talk to her mother, also. Because, doesn't she deserve to have time to talk to her mother?

It wasn't meant as having a victory. I most definitely was not rubbing it in her face.

I'm going to quit replying to this. I'm actually going to quit posting on the board. Because what is the point if everything I say is going to be misconstrued and taken the wrong way.
Hi, I'm just going to say something, not sure if you're already gone or not. I just finished reading all of everything I "could" read.... I wasn't able to read the (....) post for the obvious reason(s).

I am both a bio & a step-mother, I have a son from a previous relationship, in a decent situation & up until recently, my DH's ex-wife, wouldn't allow her DS (my DSS) to visit w/ us, so until the past 2 mos., I haven't had ANY relationship w/ my almost 13 year old step-son, sad, but true. I have my almost 10 year old who up until recently was okay w/ transition. And together, DH & I had 2 more boys (lucky me, I have 4 boys + DH, that's 5!) so I have a large blended situation. Then my DS (from my previous situation), his bio-dad & step-mother had twins, they're 19 mos. (boy/girl), so my DS, he's part of a very messed-up Brady Bunch! I'm about as screwed up as you can get when it comes to trying to figure out who goes where & what goes where. I think I've handled it well & I've seen it all, for real. BTDT is an understatement.

Any who... I was just reading some of the exchange between everyone & I think a few things went wrong here. I think 1) people are way too sensitive & if they get a comment that isn't what they want to hear, they delete it (....) or run away (threaten to leave). Life isn't a sugar coated experience, especially in a blended family. If anything, it's anything but. The ladies on this board, we've BTDT, and or are still going through it. If a couple of statements that are made will upset you, then this board, isn't made for you, not b/c the ladies aren't nice or it wouldn't be helpful, but b/c you're not ready, period. The ladies have a lot to offer. And if anything want to help, prevent & add advice to help you avoid the pain they've had to undergo in their lives or the tears that they've shed. I can say that it's taken a serious toll on my life/marriage/family. It's hard to be a blended family. Being a family in general in today's society is hard, add an ex, child support, and bitter exchanges, well...it just makes for a very complex situation. Sadly, it's more common today then it is to be a regular family w/ out a step-parent involved.

The whole speakerphone, I can understand that. I am one to want to have the phone on speakerphone w/ my son while he's on the phone w/ his bio-dad, b/c there are many times that things don't get articulated correctly. Not all the time but most of the time. I know that might come off as strange but it seems to work for us & it ridden the opportunity for our child to have to speak for the other parent or play one parent against the other. Now, you may not think of it that way, but as a parent who's had to go that route, which never thought I'd have too but did eventually to keep the peace, you just never know the thought process. Sometimes you may think that bio-mom is being mean but sometimes there might be a good reason behind it, or...maybe she really is being paranoid. Either way, it's bio-mom's way to control a situation, and she has a right to b/c she is the custodial parent & if dad is on board, why not? Is it really worth the fight? I don't think so. So many other issues in this world, to me, a conference call, isn't worth it. But I can see why it would make you go "Hmmmm....."

Just my 2 cents. Not trying to start a feud. Wanting to add some advice/help, and a bit of feedback. Hope it's helpful.
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