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Did I handle this right?


Forum: Blended Families

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  #1  
October 3rd, 2010, 11:58 AM
momma2011's Avatar Shannon
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SO and I have been together for a little over a year. I adore his 11 year old daughter, and her mom as well. We all have a great relationship. SD had a stepmother before me, that stepmom came in the picture when SD was 2. Stepdaughter called her mommy when they were together. I have no opinion on that because SD was young and it was probably pretty normal.

We announced our pregnancy to stepdaughter last month. That same day she asked if she could call me mommy after the baby was born. I told her that I would talk it over with her mom and let her know. SO gave his ex a heads up on that during drop off, and we all decided to talk it over later one.

So a few days later his ex called me for something unrelated, and I told her I was not comfortable being called mom. I told her that I adore her daughter and I am thrilled that she wants to solidify our relationship in that way, but I couldn't do it. I would be crushed if my baby called someone else mom, so the idea of her daughter calling me mom really didn't sit well. She said she would talk to stepdaughter about it and that was it.

Did I handle it right? Should I have just let her call me mom and not worried about it? Hi, by the way!
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  #2  
October 3rd, 2010, 03:16 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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If that's the way you feel, then you totally handled it the right way. How did SD take it?
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  #3  
October 3rd, 2010, 06:45 PM
momma2011's Avatar Shannon
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She seemed okay with it but she wouldn't have told us if she was upset, she keeps that stuff inside. I am just so worried about stepping on her mom's toes. I love my stepdaughter but I treat her like I treat my favorite niece. I don't want her to think I am trying to take her mom's place and I certainly don't want her mom to think that. I just want to be another adult in her life who loves her. I'm not very good at it, but I am trying.
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  #4  
October 3rd, 2010, 08:18 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Sounds like you really have her best interest in mind. I'm glad you have such a great relationship with her and her mom!
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  #5  
October 4th, 2010, 10:51 AM
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Can she call you Mommy Shannon? That she could express what she feels - that you are more to her than just her dad's wife but it still gives her bio mom top billing.

BTW Congrats on your pregnacy. I LOVE LOVE the name Lucy! Good choice ( my dd is Lucy)
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