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I feel like I am wrong but I feel its the only choice I can make and just don't know if I am being unreasonable.
Little back ground. I have a 20 month old son with ongoing medical problems. He has only been off the heart machine a few months, he has Cronic Lung disease and was born at 31 weeks and right now he is going through testing at sick kids because there is concerns about his development and his eeg has already come back as abnormal so they are retesting. His twin brother has already passed away so I am especially protective him.
My partners daughter has chicken pox. My little guy has never had them and I just don't want to take the risk of him getting them. I told my partner that his daughter coudn't come here this weekend because I don't want any chance my guy gets them. My partner was completely ok with that didn't fight it at all and said that given everything he wouldn't feel comfortable with her comming so between us there is no issue at all.
However his ex is really upset with him. Has said that its his job as a parent to take her this weekend and I am afraid its going to cause trouble. We have taken her when it wasn't our weekend to help her but she is really angry at him not taking her this weekend. She has made alot of horrible comments about him not being responsible and such.
I feel bad about causing trouble between them. I know that the chance of my baby getting them are slim because she will have had them for about a week so probably not that contagious but I always have to be careful about all germs with him.
So should I back down and let her come to make peace or am I right and leave the situation as it is and see what the fall out will be.
No, I think he's being a responsible parent by protecting your son from chicken pox, given his health issues. I would definitely not back down. Mom will get over it in time and will need you guys again to switch weekends, so I wouldn't worry about it.
I think BMs are like any parent and secretly enjoy a little time away from parenting. I think the BM is unfairly forcing an issue, and I hope shes not the type that will tell your stepdaughter that this child is somehow trumping her. Because I have seen that too and it sucks. How old is she? The BM could also turn around and say that your DH only wants his daugther when shes healthy. I remember once my SD was under the weather during BM's weekend and she brought her back to DH. For the longest we were like "well I guess she only wants to parent when SD is in a good mood" I think years later we realized it was because she knew that SD needed meds and didnt have the insurance. Not as harsh as we thought, but perceptions are a b!tch.
Is there anyway that your DH can arrange for his parents to have his daughter for the weekend? and he can go visit at night and have dinner with her? I know that can be spun too, but at least BM will not be able to say he neglected his "duty" to parent her on his weekend. And BM can still get her planned alone time, who knows....she may have big plans shes canceling because she thought her daughter woudl be with her dad.
I know it sounds like, 'yeah but why should we have to' and I guess the answer is...to keep the peace. Sometimes the high road is easier.
I too think you did the right thing. I'm sorry if the BM has to change her plans, but her daughter is sick and should be home till she's better. At least she told you that the child was sick. My DSD mother sent her to our house with lice and didn't tell us. I was furious. Her excuse, she didn't want to say anything because she thought we wouldn't take her for the weekend. Umm no we would have taken her and treated her head lice. Instead she sent her over and risked my kids and house becoming infested. Some people are just selfish.
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I believe that kids are in just as good hands with their dads as they are with their moms when they are sick. This is a special situation. When a child in the home could be compromised due to the sickness coming in, then yes I would request the other child to stay home. But had that not been the case, the child comes to you whether she is sick or not... that's your job as a parent... your parenting time, child is sick, it's your turn to deal with it...