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  #1  
October 25th, 2010, 05:01 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 51
how do you feel when you and the birthmother are together at a function? How often do you and the BM end up at the same function?
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  #2  
October 26th, 2010, 06:46 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
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Never happened. We've invited her to functions, but she doesn't come.
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  #3  
October 26th, 2010, 10:49 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
It only happened once so far, it was a cheer leading event. We sat in different areas and barely acknowledged each other. We have a bad history, she tried to get back with him numerous times, even while I was pg with our son. She even went as far as to call me out of my name, so I let her have it and almost got physical with her. Out of respect for my DSD I stayed calm, but was ready to pounce if need be. lol

Honestly, I wouldn't mind attending functions together and trying to get along. However, she's not exactly open to that idea. She had a fit when she found out I was having my son and cried like crazy. She even got upset and told him you're gonna marry her too aren't you. I can only imagine how upset she was once she found out we were getting married. I know when DSD called her while everyone was getting ready for the wedding she was noticeably upset according to DSD.
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  #4  
October 26th, 2010, 10:56 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 8,999
Fortunately bio mom lives 4 hours away. The oldest dd has issues with me & my kids are young so travel isn't fun so I've never gone. DH goes to events alone.
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  #5  
October 26th, 2010, 11:18 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
Well I have it on both ends & it's different on both so I'll tell both stories.

I'm a bio & a step-mother so as a bio-mother to my 10 year old, who has his father & a step-mother, we will go to the same functions & it's often that they're all there together, there's no awkwardness there, anymore that is.... but it took years, tears & some fights to get us here. Not overnight for sure. And I can say that 90% of the reasons we didn't get along initially was due to my ex & her now husband being a liar & trying to keep us apart from speaking. Now that we speak, there are not many times that we have issues or fight.

Now, as a step-mother to my DH's son, I've been to several events, but there was only 1 event that she was there the same time that I was. She is never there. That one time that she was there too, she avoided me like the plague.
She was at my DH's grandfather's wake and I was in the line-up, she talked & hugged everyone, I was the 4th person in, right after my husband, and she literally didn't look at me, didn't say a word to me, just passed me as if there was no body there & went to the next person in line. Everyone noticed it, she is extremely immature & rude like that. Don't know why. I mean really? A wake? Someone's death? You can't be civil & just say "hello" ? What ever. At that point I realized her behavior wasn't one that I could predict & it wasn't something I could figure out.

Two totally different situations, both involving the same person, me... and I get along fine w/ everyone literally, except for my DH's ex-wife. And I wouldn't say that we don't get along, but she refuses to engage in conversation w/ me. You'd think for the sake of her son, she'd want to have the lines of communication open. I guess that's not on the top of her priority list.
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  #6  
November 8th, 2010, 11:49 AM
Ponyo22's Avatar Lindsay
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 140
Ugh. This is a sore subject for me.

My DH's ex is really jealous of me and my relationship with my husband and his children (SD 10 and SS 12). I've made a real effort to establish some common interests with both kids so we can bond and have stuff to talk about. For example- teaching SD to cook, reading the same books she likes, making friendship bracelets, etc. As soon as the ex gets wind of this, she "takes over" the same hobbies! Every single time. I know SD feels put in the middle and it hurts that she seems to lose interest in doing these things with me once her mom steps in. I just keep my mouth shut and try to find new things all the time.

In terms of being together at kid functions, it's happened a handful of times and we are pleasant enough around each other. Basically say "Hi" and that's it. But the emails she sends off to DH about me are scathing. "Her REAL mom should be the one having girl talks with her" and the like. For the most part we try to stay out of each other's way if we need to be at the same event. Luckily, she is lazy and would rather party than do extra stuff for the kids so it's mostly us initiating the doctor's visits, extracurriculars, school events, and about half the time she doesn't show.
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  #7  
November 20th, 2010, 08:02 AM
AndreaRenee's Avatar raising boys...
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Manhattan Beach, CA
Posts: 6,053
sore subject for me too.

personally, I dont want to do much with her. I can tolerate celebrating my SD's birthday or dance performances with all of us there but beyond that, I dont want to be around each other. She's not a mean person, we've never had an arguement, its just that I need MY family time and when she's around its just weird.

recently dh and I had a long talk about her over-involvement, mainly just how much she comes in my house. the day we brought our son home from the hospital, she came over and was waiting to meet/hold him.... really?? so I'm up taking a shower after child birth and the ex is waiting on my couch.. umm no thanks. she's also come over and hung around, uninvited on such occasions as opening our wedding gifts, my baby shower, our sons first birthday party and various other times that she should just be waiting in the car for drop offs/pick ups.

I feel there needs to be a healthy level of separation between our families.
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  #8  
November 20th, 2010, 04:59 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
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I just had a baby shower for my daughter today and my ex, his girlfriend and his mom all came. It was not awkward at all for us. We made an agreement years ago that we would always put our kids first and celebrate birthdays/special occasions together and we've never had a problem. I wish things were the same with Neely's ex, but I don't think it will ever be easy with her.
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