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  #1  
November 30th, 2010, 08:34 AM
proudmommy2006.2009.2011's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
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I was suggested to come here by Mum2Gaby&Emersyn. Not too sure on what to say at the moment though.

When I get married to my fiance, Jarrod, I will be getting 2 stepsons (both from different mothers). They are currently 7 and 6 yrs old. One lives out of the state we live in and the other is in the same county.

We don't get to see them. Actually, my fiance hasn't seen his 7 yr old since he was 6 mos old. We haven't seen the 6 yr old for almost a yr now. The mothers don't really like me, and I have no idea why. I've always supported my fiance to support his other children and never kept him away from them.

My yr old daughter hasn't met either of her stepborthers, and my 4 yr old only met the 6 yr old one. I'm not sure if we are ever going to see the 7 yr old and it breaks my fiance's heart that he cannot see them.

All we can do is send cards and presents on birthdays and holidays, hoping that they know that we love them and do think about them all the time.
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  #2  
November 30th, 2010, 09:01 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Welcome! I am sorry about ur FI 7 year old... That is heartbreaking and super sad ... My thoughts and prayers are for you guys that something will turn around!
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  #3  
November 30th, 2010, 10:02 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Location: Taneytown, MD
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Welcome to the board! We're really glad to have you!

I'm Rachel, mom of my two, 22 yr old Sarah & 19 yr old James, step mom to his two, 11 yr old William and 9 yr old Clayton and momma to our 5 yr old Daniel. All of them live with us full time! It's nuts.

Anyway, what are the current court orders with your step sons? Or is there one? If there is not I would definitely suggest that your DF file the appropriate pleadings to get the ball rolling on that. Mothers cannot, at their whim, decide that dad can't see their kids.
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  #4  
November 30th, 2010, 10:22 AM
proudmommy2006.2009.2011's Avatar Regular
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Location: Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
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Rachel,

The only orders were child support orders. No visitations. About a yr and a half ago, the mother of the 6 yr old dropped the child support. Her parents currently have primary physical and legal custody of him due to the mother not being a fit mother. My fiance has partial, but the grandparents don't allow him to see his son.

The 7 yr old's mother has medical custody over him. Apparently in VA you need both parents for any medical attention. Due to him being out of state, my fiance decided it would be better for her to have medical custody. Other then that, he still has his rights as a father, he pays her bi-weekly child support.

In your personal opinion, do you think it would hard for the child to coop with his biological father coming into the picture after 7 yrs?

Thank you so much for your opinion.



Sweetiez,

Thank you so much for those kind words. I also hope things turn around for my fiance and our daughters (and soon to be baby).
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  #5  
November 30th, 2010, 10:54 AM
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Last edited by loveneverfails; August 21st, 2012 at 05:27 PM.
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  #6  
November 30th, 2010, 11:30 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
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Welcome!

I agree that your df should try and get visitation with both boys. It might cost a little bit to get a lawyer but most states really encourage both parents being involved.

I haven't heard of medical custody either - it's so crazy how each state is so different. But before my dh adopted her, I had sole custody of my dd. I'm assuming that medical custody is similar. Here sole custody means that I make all of the decisions for her - medical treatment, religion, school she attends etc. But her bio dad still had parental rights.

It must be so sad for you df. I know my dh's had little contact with his dd for 1 1/2 years but it was because the oldest then 14 decided that she didn't want to participate in our family. The bio mom & oldest kind of forced the younger girl to do the same. Dh didn't want to enforce it because he was afraid that bio mom and older sister would punish her for it. But it broke his heart. Just this summer, dsd spoke up & chose to come and spend time with us (we live 4 hours away). We've seen her 4 times in the last 6 months & she requested that not only she come for New Years but her birthday too (Dec 29). Dh is still heartbroke about his oldest but she's turning 16 next month & there's nothing we can do.
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  #7  
November 30th, 2010, 11:41 AM
proudmommy2006.2009.2011's Avatar Regular
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Location: Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Posts: 80
Basically what I am getting out of the whole "medical custody" thing is that my fiance has no say in what happens to him when it comes to medical needs. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have any say in what schools, etc.

With the 6 yr old's situation... The mother lives in the same house as the grandparents, that have full custody. Basically, she does not have any say in what goes on with him. She also cannot move out of the house with her son unless the grandparents and my fiance deem her fit to provide for him on her own.
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  #8  
November 30th, 2010, 11:56 AM
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Last edited by loveneverfails; August 21st, 2012 at 05:26 PM.
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  #9  
November 30th, 2010, 03:40 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by proudmommy0609 View Post
Rachel,

The only orders were child support orders. No visitations. About a yr and a half ago, the mother of the 6 yr old dropped the child support. Her parents currently have primary physical and legal custody of him due to the mother not being a fit mother. My fiance has partial, but the grandparents don't allow him to see his son.

The 7 yr old's mother has medical custody over him. Apparently in VA you need both parents for any medical attention. Due to him being out of state, my fiance decided it would be better for her to have medical custody. Other then that, he still has his rights as a father, he pays her bi-weekly child support.

In your personal opinion, do you think it would hard for the child to coop with his biological father coming into the picture after 7 yrs?

Thank you so much for your opinion.



Sweetiez,

Thank you so much for those kind words. I also hope things turn around for my fiance and our daughters (and soon to be baby).
It would definitely be an adjustment for the child, but perhaps you could start off having small short visits with no pressure about overnight stays. I would definitely encourage him to file the necessary paper work to get visitation with his 7 year old and the necessary paperwork to get his visitation with his 6 year old enforced. His grandparents just can't keep him from the child. They don't have that right with primary custody.

ETA: When Neely finally got visitation with his boys after he met me, he had been estranged from them for about two years with the exception of two short day visits a year a part. We started off with a neutral visitation place where he spent about two hours with them and then they went back to their mom. Slowly we went to one afternoon visit and then one night overnight and eventually moved to weekend visits on a bi-weekly rotation. It went smoothly for the most part.
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