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Brief intro and very long rant :)


Forum: Blended Families

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  #1  
December 14th, 2010, 11:24 AM
alyashlyn's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 172
I am so happy I found this site I initially signed up because of my newly discovered pregnancy but there are so many other boards that pertain to me like this one!

Obviously I am in a blended family I have three daughters and my husband has two sons and a daughter. We only see his two older kids for the summer but the youngest boy who is 18 months old we get every two weeks for two weeks.

I'm going crazy with this baby. Like I said he's 18 months old I know he's still a baby but this kid cries and screams for everything, he doesn't talk at all just babbles even though I have been trying to work him on saying words. He ALWAYS wants to be held and honestly I just won't do it, I won't give in for anything he wants until he calms down. I don't work because of him, my DH actually pays a small fortune in child support for this kid even though we get him just as much as his mother does so if I was working we wouldn't be able to afford the daycare so I'm stuck at home with him alone all day.

I hate to say this but I really don't like this kid, again I know he's a baby but he's making me nuts with the constant screaming and always being up my butt. I do love him and care about him but I am not his mother so I am in no way bonded to him. To make it worst my hormones are totally messing me up, everything irritates me now and he brings me to the point where I don't even want to look at him. He goes back to mother's this Friday and it can't get here soon enough I can't believe it's only Tuesday.

My husband has almost no involvment with this child what so ever, I do EVERYTHING for him even when my husband is home which makes things so much worst. Really, if I'm too busy to deal with the kid my husband will have one my girls take care of him he even tries to get my 5 year old to entertain him and keep him out of trouble and gets mad at her when she can't remove him from something he's not supposed to be messing with....come on really she can't lift him, he's 90% of her weight. He says that all of our kids are ours, he does treat my girls as his own children to a degree and I treat this baby as my own too. So I can't really say "he's your son you should do more with him" he'll get upset with me because he refers to the baby as "our son" just like he refers to my girls as "our girls" Either way I hate that he doesn't do anything with the baby, never bathed him not once, hardly ever feeds him, changed his diapers like 5 times if that, oh the list goes on. He thinks that since he works I should deal with everything household and children related, which is fine with me I agree but I don't think I should be the only one taking care of this child. The baby hardly even knows him and will chose me or my girls over him in a heart beat, it's sad really.

I am totally freaking out about having this baby I can see it now I'll be home alone with a brand new baby and his bratty 2 year old. He'll come home from work and do nothing. I'm kinda at a loss, I don't know what to do or say. I just wish I could at least form a bond with this baby so I'm not irritated with him so much I do think a lot of that irritation comes from the fact that my darling husband pays so much child support for this kid (it's insane really) faught like crazy for the shared custody if not total custody and now that he got it he doesn't do anything with his kid and leaves it all up to me.

Sorry that's so long I really, really needed to rant about this. Anyway thanks for listening.
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  #2  
December 14th, 2010, 11:41 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Welcome to the board. It sounds like a tough situation to be in right now. But it sounds like this is just how he is with kids period. Kinda gives you insight into how much help he's actually going to be once you deliver. Good luck to you.
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  #3  
December 14th, 2010, 01:05 PM
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Welcome!

I have not been in your situation, but it sounds like a tough one. I hope your husband comes around and starts helping out!
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  #4  
December 14th, 2010, 03:20 PM
alyashlyn's Avatar Veteran
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K.A.T. I'm sure you're right that's just how he is with kids...*sigh*.....I hope he comes around and helps too mostly when the new baby comes.
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  #5  
December 14th, 2010, 03:41 PM
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Wow that's a lot to deal with.

1st it's not uncommon for kids especially boys to not talk much at 18 months. My ds didn't really talk at all until he turned 3. He isn't delayed - actually the opposite, I'm starting to suspect he's gifted - his sister is so no surprise there. But he still talked late. Have you considered teaching your dss sign language. It might help both of you to communicate better. I know a lot of people who have done it & it really helps.

Sounds to me (if I can read between the lines) is that you are really more upset with you dh but it's easier to vent about the kid. The real issue here is that your dh isn't being a dad at all to any of the kids. And unless you do something about it, he won't just come around & change at the sight of his 4th child KWIM?

Perhaps you need to look at the custody arrangement. Honestly I can't see a child that young being away from his mother for 2 weeks straight. He doesn't understand what's going on. I imagine that's why he's clingy.

I hope you can get everything worked out before your baby arrives.
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  #6  
December 14th, 2010, 04:59 PM
alyashlyn's Avatar Veteran
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Well I only have girls so I wasn't sure if him not talking or communicating in any way other than screaming was a boy thing or something if something was wrong with him. All three of my girls were forming sentneces at that age and a little earlier to communicate so really that's what I'm comparing my step-son to.

Part of it is my step-son and part is my husband. The babies screaming and constant need for attention is insane and hard to deal with. But my husbands lack of involvment is just as bad. I know I need to talk to him about this but I really don't know how to without sounding like I have a problem with his kid which is how he'll take it........ I don't know step-parenting is harder than bio parenting .

Oh and with the custody agreement we NEED to get the kid at least every other week, bio mommy is severly bipolar and refuses to take her meds (it shows a lack of faith in God who will cure her...her thoughts) she lost custody of her daughter and gave up custody of her son so eventually we will get full custody of the baby. She really can't be trusted alone with him for any real lenth of time and the older she gets the worst her condition gets two weeks is long enough. I'm sure you're right that he is having problems with the constant back and forth but it has been this way for almost a year so he should be used to it by now.

Thanks for your input oh what does KWIM mean I'm not totally in the loop with all the abbreviations.
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  #7  
December 14th, 2010, 05:25 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
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  #8  
December 15th, 2010, 01:36 PM
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My son is two years old (in ten days) he dont speak much just few words. He demand attention every second and if i hold my new born baby girl he gets aggressive or he wants to come to my lap. The moments I took my daughter in lap for feed he ask me to go with him to get him something to eat (no matter he already eat a minutes before)

I think boys wants to have fun every second and want to play. My husband dont help me with child like changing or bath but he give him a lot of time. You are in tough situation and I will pray for you.

My husband has three kids from ex and they dont live with us but since i had my daughter it seems to me the whole world is forbidding me not to have more kids though i always wanted to have at least 5 kids. It is hard to fullfill your desires once you are in blended families.
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  #9  
December 17th, 2010, 11:46 AM
Platinum Supermommy
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Oh boy now I have a better picture. My ex is untreated bipolar as well so I am VERY familiar with that awful disease.

And it explains your dss even better. The only stability he has it at your home and it's unfortunately not constant. I hope you get full custody soon. I fought for 4 years to protect my dd from her bio father and won. He actually gave up his parental rights & my dh adopted her.

And another thing, bipolar is heriditary. So there is a chance you dss has it as well. I think it's like a 30% chance. Most people don't get diagnosed with it until they are adults so it is generally assumed to be an adult onset thing but it isn't . Usually there are signs as young as your dss. Not saying he is and I hope he isn't but it is a possibility. Trust me I did my research because my dd could have inherited the disease and I wanted to get her into treated as soon as possible if she showed signs. The early the disease is treated dramatically reduces the severity.


Oh and I know what you mean about boys being different. My dd was talking in complete sentences at 15 months. So different from my son.
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  #10  
December 19th, 2010, 08:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
Welcome to the board. It sounds like a tough situation to be in right now. But it sounds like this is just how he is with kids period. Kinda gives you insight into how much help he's actually going to be once you deliver. Good luck to you.
I was thinking the same thing! I know you're newly pregnant (in the August DDC with me?), but if this is how he acts with his 18 month old, I would be really concerned with how he's going to act when you have a 2 year old and an infant. I think you need to sit down with him, when you're not angry, and talk to him about how his lack of involvement is going to make you recent his son and him. He needs to help you and honestly he needs to worship you for putting up with this crap already.

Good luck and keep us posted!
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