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  #1  
December 16th, 2010, 05:27 PM
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Last edited by loveneverfails; June 29th, 2012 at 08:04 PM.
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  #2  
December 16th, 2010, 06:12 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Location: NYC
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How long have you and DH been together for? Maybe some more time is needed or she just needs to find someone to be with and she'll mellow out some. DSD BM is a monster but has calmed down a lot since she's been with her latest boyfriend. She's no longer lonely, has her own house, a nice car and money. So now she's not the bitter wench she normally used to be. Just try to take it one day at a time and if things truly bother you, then let your DH know how you're feeling. Good luck I hope things get easier for you.
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  #3  
December 16th, 2010, 06:28 PM
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Last edited by loveneverfails; June 29th, 2012 at 08:08 PM.
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  #4  
December 17th, 2010, 09:14 AM
ToonTownGirl's Avatar Super Mommy
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I am in your boots completely. Except I have TWO monsters to deal with. I'm not allowed to do this, or that... but DF says forget it. These kids are just as much his as theirs, and will NOT stand for their crap. It took a long time for DF to get to that point, but it was me saying, LOOK, this needs to change, as this is MY life too, and OUR life together so any and all decisions will be decided by the 2 of us. The monsters don't like, but we don't care. This is our life, and what we do on our time is none of their concern. We have been together for 3 years now, and not a day goes by that there isn't SOMETHING happening. But in the last year DF has really stood up and not taken it, and honestly I believe they will stop bucking soon enough. DSS's monster is remarried, but is still a miserable witch that wants nothing more than to try and hurt DF, and does it through DSS. DSD's monster is dating a convicted sex offender (even though she has told SS that she isn't, we don't believe it for a second) and before anyone jumps, all the authorities are involved, and NOTHING is happening...

So I feel your pain, and I have those days too... but it's got to the point that I will say no... nope, sorry this is my time off, I have stuff to do, and I'm not babysitting because they can't get their stuff together. And I stand my ground. And so should you.
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  #5  
December 17th, 2010, 11:39 AM
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I too feel your pain. I told dh in a conversation earlier this year that I felt like "the other woman" in the relationship not his wife. All decisions are made or not made as the case may be without taking me or my kids into consideration. Mostly the ex says how things are going to be and dh accepts it. He's so afraid of rocking the boat.

It's not easy being a stepmom. Especially in your case were you are a primary caregiver. Dh's dds are older and live in another state so we don't have them all the time. And that's hard enough so I can't imagine how hard it is for you.

When my friend was going through her divorce, she & her ex had to take a parenting class. In that class, they were told that what happens when the child is with the other parent is basically none of their business. Who they are with, what they do etc.

In all fairness to you dss mother, I can't imagine having to share the mothering experience with someone else. That must be so hard.
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  #6  
December 17th, 2010, 05:09 PM
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Last edited by loveneverfails; June 29th, 2012 at 08:09 PM.
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  #7  
December 17th, 2010, 10:26 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Hi! I want to say im so sorry!! HUGS.. i cannot relate to this... or how your feeling! As my bf doesnt have any kids... my thoughts and prayers go to you!! Im so sorry you feel this way ..have you told DH? hugs... idk what else to say but HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!

Id like to say ..i read that you talked to DH... at lease DH is understanding of how you feel... I hope she starts treating you better cause you ARE a parent.. Just because its not your BIO child.. you care,love for this child... in my eyes you are a parent in some sense because your there for him too!! HUGS!
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  #8  
December 19th, 2010, 08:16 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Some days I feel like I could have written the same post. I do nearly all of the day to day things with Will & Clayton and sometimes I feel like I'm not appreciated. I know deep down that Neely does appreciate me and loves me because I take care of his kids for him and do what he's not able to do because of his work schedule, but it's almost like pulling teeth for him to acknowledge it outwardly sometimes. All I ask is that he say "hey, you've been doing a great job with W&C. I know it's hard sometimes, but I want you to know that I appreciate it." Is that really too much to ask.

He has, though, gone toe-to-toe with his ex and stood up for me and told her she ought to respect me for what I do and how I have sacrificed to give them a better life. Of course she doesn't see it that way, but he does and that's all that matters.
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  #9  
December 21st, 2010, 10:32 PM
AndreaRenee's Avatar raising boys...
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Location: Manhattan Beach, CA
Posts: 6,053
gosh, I so relate. I totally feel like the other woman, all the time. I dont feel like my life is ever considered when decisions are made.

And I really can relate to not wanting to pick up the kiddo from the ***** mom... believe this or not, when my son was 3 months old my sd got the swine flu and BM asked ME to babysit her!!!!!!! Because she claimed she couldnt take time off work (yet she takes time off all the time to travel with friends). I told dh that I was NOT ok with having ME babysit THEIR daughter with the swine flu while I have a 3 month old!! And he didnt listen! he said she could stay in her room!! omg... seriously, I almost left him. He'd rather expose his baby to the swine flu then demand his ex stay home or find another sitter (ummm dont forget we pay a BOAT LOAD of child support to her)... he never stands up to her... never. Oh and since I'm a sahm, I'm also her babysitter whenever the BM cant take time off work... thats rediculous IMO. If her ex didnt remarry, she'd have to care for her daughter 80% of the time due to the demands of his job, since he married me, its 50-50, she's LUCKY. and she takes advantage of us, big time.

Its beyond me why men who decide to remarry dont grasp the idea that the NEW WIFE needs to feel very important, our input needs to be considered, we need to be ASKED things, not told things. I need time with just my dh and my son to do the "firsts", not that I dont like my sd but I think I deserve the opportunity to have what other moms have when they marry a man with no kids, kwim? Like on occasion, I want it to just be the 3 of us... sd doesnt have to know... I wouldnt want her to be hurt but it kills me how my dh MUST have his daughter there for all of our sons firsts... really? does she NEED to see him sit on santas lap??? every year??? cant we do it one year just the 3 of us??

I'll end this post with this: I love my husband but I do feel jipped. I didnt know it was going to be this hard.
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Last edited by AndreaRenee; December 21st, 2010 at 10:36 PM.
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  #10  
December 28th, 2010, 03:07 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Thank goodness I found this message board. I have been reading it all day and I am feeling so much better about my emotions of late. I feel like I am not alone. I am arguing with SO as we speak because DSS and DSD have been with us for the entire Christmas break and I would like a break!

Background... SO and I have been together for 3 1/2 yrs. He has a son, 11 and a daughter, 13 and I have a 15 year old. I totally relate to those of you who are saying you don't feel like what you want is considered. I love all the kids but sometimes I would like adult time with my guy!! He has custody of his son and BM has custody of their daughter. He had custody of both but DSD decided she didn't like the school and went back with her mom. Mom is a piece of crap. She has a boyfriend whom she started seeing when he was 17 and she was 30. This ******* while 'playing with' SS ended up punching him repeatedly in the arms and that's when SO went for custody.

At any rate, today I asked if maybe BM could have the kids for some time during this vacation and I was told that these things are decided between he and BM and what's best for the kids so basically no. Now I'm not even speaking to him. This whole situation is just the worst!
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  #11  
January 9th, 2011, 11:15 AM
KatiesGirls
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I have a very disrespectful and difficult BM to deal with to both me and my S/O. For the time being we have requested all correspondence be in writing and when phone calls take place we just hand the phone to dsd.

This is our home and we make the decisions here. She has no place.

I think the most important friend and ally in all of this will be your dh, and your best weapon will be the two of you together setting boundaries when it comes to how bm and the two of you get on.

On a personal note, we have dealt with a lot of bm making statements saying he needs to get on 'her side' and not mine. Though others might be more subtle, I think that a lot of women do the same and can't stand not having control over their ex's life anymore.

So yeah. Boundaries is my best advice.
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  #12  
January 9th, 2011, 07:11 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Nice to see you here Katie!
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  #13  
January 9th, 2011, 09:48 PM
KatiesGirls
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Hiiiiii
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