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  #1  
February 1st, 2011, 09:31 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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I mean, I'm sure there are things you'd like to change about your blended family or whatever, but overall, are you happy with where you are in your life?
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  #2  
February 2nd, 2011, 08:27 AM
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I am very happy. Would I have expected I would be a step mom to a 15 year old no, but I wouldn't change it. I am learning a lot from it. None of it is easy, but I enjoy it.
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  #3  
February 2nd, 2011, 10:43 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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To be totally honest, no. I'm making due with what I have, but this is not what I expected. Maybe if the relationship was different with BM I would be happier. But it's been a long rough road that isn't going to get any easier.
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  #4  
February 2nd, 2011, 11:17 AM
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I'm with Kat - big fat NO.

People say to me "you knew what you were getting in to when you married someone with kids" No I honestly didn't. I didn't expect to be the Brady bunch by any means but I didn't expect it to be this awful.

I know it's hard on DH too.
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  #5  
February 2nd, 2011, 11:40 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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I have my moments. Some days I would say definitely not, but most of the time, I am overall happy with my life. I would love for things to be on a better level with the boys' mom, but it is what it is and we have them and that's not likely to change anytime soon.
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  #6  
February 2nd, 2011, 11:58 AM
Arachne
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I'm with Kat and My2Miracles. People keep trying to force us to be more bonded and to feel more for each other than what we do.

"You knew what you were getting into when you married someone with kids" is common here, too. Even my husband says it to me. He went so far as to call me a stepmonster the other day. I honestly didn't know. The crap didn't hit the fan until AFTER we were married. We're in a situation we didn't think would happen when I first got with my husband.

I said to him, "If I had kids with my ex, and MY kids were doing this, and MY ex was doing this, how would YOU feel?"

"...pretty upset..." was his response.

Last edited by Arachne; February 2nd, 2011 at 12:01 PM.
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  #7  
February 2nd, 2011, 12:02 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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No one dares says that to me because we both went into the relationship with a child each. But if someone ever did, oh boy would I tear them a new one.
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  #8  
February 2nd, 2011, 12:21 PM
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Grant it I am happy most days, but like today I just got a call from P saying his ex needed to talk to him. These are the days when I want to pull my hair out and say why me.
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  #9  
February 2nd, 2011, 01:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
No one dares says that to me because we both went into the relationship with a child each. But if someone ever did, oh boy would I tear them a new one.
Dh doesn't say that to me. We both came with kids too. He's just as shocked at how things turned out as I am. It's other people who say it - outside our family.

You know the junk "You love them because you love HIM & their his kids" blablabla. And if I don't love them (or in my case 1 of them) then I'm a bad person/wife.

It's not like when you give birth to your own kids. The love isn't automatic. Especially if the kid makes it very difficult to love them.
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  #10  
February 2nd, 2011, 02:19 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Dh doesn't say that to me. We both came with kids too. He's just as shocked at how things turned out as I am. It's other people who say it - outside our family.

You know the junk "You love them because you love HIM & their his kids" blablabla. And if I don't love them (or in my case 1 of them) then I'm a bad person/wife.

It's not like when you give birth to your own kids. The love isn't automatic. Especially if the kid makes it very difficult to love them.
If only it were that easy! It is hard to love someone else's kid. I mean really truly love them like you do your own. I can say it till I'm blue in the face, but that doesn't make it so. Yes, I do love Will & Clayton, but certainly not in the same way I love my own children. Do I show that? Probably some of the time. They make it hard some days and I think to a degree that fact that they are their mother's sons makes it even more difficult sometimes. That's totally not their fault, but it's the honest truth.
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  #11  
February 2nd, 2011, 05:30 PM
CassCramer's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I feel like I'm very lucky the way things are. I don't get along very well with my ex, we just don't talk, but I'm on good terms with his wife. We're getting married in May, and Xander will be 2 1/2. Xander will be with us during the year, and spend half of the summer with his dad at HIS EXPENSE - if he decides not to pay for the travel and all then I guess it won't happen. But that also won't start until Xander is in school. So honestly, Xander will have a much stronger bond with DF (he only has seen his dad 3 months collectively, a few weeks here or there his whole 2 years of life) and DF will have a strong bond with him because he will be the first child he loves and cares for, and they will be together a year at least before we have our first together. I hear all of the responses here and think I'm really lucky the way things turned out, because it could be a lot worse.
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  #12  
February 3rd, 2011, 11:01 AM
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I feel really lucky too!
Things with DD's Dad go back in forth.. ( He is BI-polar. ) but over all they are Okay right now!.

I have an amazing BF! And my DD loves him!. She even tells her dad that. So thats so great! ... just happy overall with the situation!
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  #13  
February 3rd, 2011, 11:54 AM
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For us it's different between DH & my dd from my previous marriage because she lives with us. Dh came into our lives when she was 2 1/2 and really is the only true dad she's ever know. She remember her bio dad but he wasn't really a father figure. So I do truly believe that Dh loves her like she was his own.

For us it's really on my side. His dds were 6 & 11 when we met. The 11 year old was resistant right from the beginning - not of me necessarily but anyone in her dad's life. They also moved 4 hours away when dh's divorce was final so by the time he moved in with me, he no longer had them every other weekend. So we didn't get to spend a lot of time with them. The older girl was very, very jealous of my dd. On top of that bio mom led her to believe that dh was supporting me & dd and NOT paying cs to her. Which was absolutely the opposite. The 1st year we were married, he was giving his ex 70% of his paycheck.
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  #14  
February 4th, 2011, 12:28 PM
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Generally, yes.

But there are many things I have to work on and many worries.

I just don't let those things define me or my happiness. I have it good - better than many - and I'm extremely blessed. I've worked really hard for decent mental health and I think that I've finally been able to reap those rewards.
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  #15  
February 27th, 2011, 09:59 AM
teacherinlove's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Am I happy? About 50% of the time, and that is when my ss is not with us I hate feeling this way, but he is extremely difficult to handle. He acts disrespectful, rude, and is always very physical with my son. The sad thing is, he is only 5 years old [today] and I see that things are only going to get worse. It is sad that I am afraid for my sons safety and the soon to be baby.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fright View Post
I'm with Kat and My2Miracles. People keep trying to force us to be more bonded and to feel more for each other than what we do.

"You knew what you were getting into when you married someone with kids" is common here, too. Even my husband says it to me. He went so far as to call me a stepmonster the other day. I honestly didn't know. The crap didn't hit the fan until AFTER we were married. We're in a situation we didn't think would happen when I first got with my husband.

I said to him, "If I had kids with my ex, and MY kids were doing this, and MY ex was doing this, how would YOU feel?"

"...pretty upset..." was his response.
When I tell my husband how I really feel he will say this to me. However, I didn't know and I must say that since putting a ring on my finger, things have changed. I never imagined it would change this severe.

Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Dh doesn't say that to me. We both came with kids too. He's just as shocked at how things turned out as I am. It's other people who say it - outside our family.

You know the junk "You love them because you love HIM & their his kids" blablabla. And if I don't love them (or in my case 1 of them) then I'm a bad person/wife.

It's not like when you give birth to your own kids. The love isn't automatic. Especially if the kid makes it very difficult to love them.
I could have said this myself. I feel it is entirely true when it is said that the love isn't automatic, in the beginning I really tried to find the positives and keep saying, its not the childs fault that he because this way. However, when the child is extremely difficult and the other parent is extremely difficult [no parenting or structure] it is hard to show love.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
If only it were that easy! It is hard to love someone else's kid. I mean really truly love them like you do your own. I can say it till I'm blue in the face, but that doesn't make it so. Yes, I do love Will & Clayton, but certainly not in the same way I love my own children. Do I show that? Probably some of the time. They make it hard some days and I think to a degree that fact that they are their mother's sons makes it even more difficult sometimes. That's totally not their fault, but it's the honest truth.
I have tried to explain this to people and they do not understand it. It is one of those situations, unless you are placed in, you have no understanding or knowledge of it. It makes you feel horrible as a parent [me anyways] however, its the honest truth and why try fooling yourself.
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  #16  
February 27th, 2011, 10:41 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 932
Im happy for the most part.
Its different because we only have to deal with the boys mom whenever she decides she wants to call. They havent seen her since october. With Johns dad, he never calls and hasnt visited since the end of august.
So we really have no issues there.
And my daughters dad hasnt seen her in 2yrs but is still being a jerk. But we are 3000miles away, no biggy..i can ignore his phone calls. We are buisy.

The only thing that im not happy about, is all the crap we have to go thru because of what the boys mom decided to do in their young lives(ie drink and do drugs) because now we are left to pick up the peices and help them, she doesnt care.

It just makes me mad.
and because our 3yr old doesnt understand things past a 2yr old level, it makes me frustrated. But since he is still so young in his thinking...he really has no memories of her, and only knows her by her first name. which makes me both sad and happy at the same time. Especially the crap they went thru when they were little.
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  #17  
February 27th, 2011, 04:53 PM
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I love this board!!!!! It' the only place I don't feel so alone! Thanks ladies for sharing! It's great to know I'm not the only 1.
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My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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  #18  
February 28th, 2011, 01:59 PM
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Mostly, yes.

But I'm happy because I allow myself space. I take breaks from SO and SD - I have quality time alone and I am allowed time to recharge.

This is everything to me. Without it, I'd be miserable.
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  #19  
March 4th, 2011, 02:35 PM
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I have to say no. I never imagined this to be my life, and it's only getting harder..

I went into the relationship way too quick and moved in with DF way too quick. I never thought that I would be forced to start being a step-mom every other week along with being a mom to my own two little girls.

His DD have a good life with there mom at home, they are happy there and I don't understand why they keep insisting that being swapped between two houses every other week is BETTER for them when it's clearly not. They are both older, 10 and 13 and they need there mom more now with puberty hitting.
I am honestly unhappy and it's showing. All i want is to just be able to relax, and enjoy my two little girls and I feel like I can't do that. DF isn't home half of the time so they are stuck at home with my after school and on the weekends.

The EX is also a cow and we don't get along. I have been trying for so long but I think I am finally at my breaking point. I feel that if things don't change I will have to separate from DF until I can sort myself out and have those kids lives sorted out. I feel like the life they have now is destroying their relationships with there parents and step-parents. I am not blaming them completely for my unhapiness, but I cannot force myself to love them like they were my own because I am not even old enough to be there biological mom!
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  #20  
March 9th, 2011, 06:36 PM
ToonTownGirl's Avatar Super Mommy
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Posts: 729
Quote:
Originally Posted by craftymommy1108 View Post
I have to say no. I never imagined this to be my life, and it's only getting harder..

I went into the relationship way too quick and moved in with DF way too quick. I never thought that I would be forced to start being a step-mom every other week along with being a mom to my own two little girls.

His DD have a good life with there mom at home, they are happy there and I don't understand why they keep insisting that being swapped between two houses every other week is BETTER for them when it's clearly not. They are both older, 10 and 13 and they need there mom more now with puberty hitting.
I am honestly unhappy and it's showing. All i want is to just be able to relax, and enjoy my two little girls and I feel like I can't do that. DF isn't home half of the time so they are stuck at home with my after school and on the weekends.

The EX is also a cow and we don't get along. I have been trying for so long but I think I am finally at my breaking point. I feel that if things don't change I will have to separate from DF until I can sort myself out and have those kids lives sorted out. I feel like the life they have now is destroying their relationships with there parents and step-parents. I am not blaming them completely for my unhapiness, but I cannot force myself to love them like they were my own because I am not even old enough to be there biological mom!
Well minus me having my own kids, and DF is always home... it sounded like I just wrote this. Moved way too fast, and now I'm paying for it. Some days are good, but lately everything seems to be going to Haiti in a hand basket.... I'm resenting the kids and can't stand it when they are here. We have 3.5 days out of 14 that we don't have kids in the house. I realize that there are people who don't have a day without kids, but when they aren't YOUR own... it's hard.

We had to have a baby together, but right now, I just can't even think about that. Things aren't good right now, and don't look like they are getting any better.
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