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  #1  
February 6th, 2011, 10:54 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
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I mentioned in my other thread that Will & Clayton will be spending 4 or 5 days with their mom this month. Ordinarily, we don't send them with clothes or toiletries because she never packed when they visited here. We went out and bought stuff for them, so we figured she could do the same.

She just sent me a text to ask if I would send them with clothes and a toothbrush. On the one hand, I want to because I don't want them going 4 or 5 days without brushing their teeth or at least changing their underwear, but dang. She can't even buy them a toothbrush? I don't really want to pack more than 1 set of clothes either. We could afford for them to "forget" one set, but not 3 or 4, kwim? And I know they will lose stuff and it's not fair to leave stuff their (that we've paid for) when they spend the majority of their time here and I (me personally) maxed out MY own credit card to buy them stuff when they moved in with only the clothes on their backs.

Am I just being bitter? Should I just suck it up for their sake?
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  #2  
February 6th, 2011, 01:50 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
I get your where you're coming from but this is a case of suck up and deal. Send the toothbrushes and at least 3 sets of clothing. Or you can send like 2 pairs of jeans, one sweat pant and 4 shirts with some undies. They can rotate the jeans and sleep in the sweats. Same with the shirts.
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  #3  
February 6th, 2011, 03:54 PM
Arachne
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I'm not sure. I totally see where you're coming from. It'd make me sick to send stuff that I, myself, paid for, for my husband's kids, to his ex's. I think Kat may be right. It may be a "suck it up" situation...

We're facing the same situation. The kids are staying with their mother all summer it seems (2 months). Do we pack 2 months worth of pull-ups for my husband's son for nighttime? Does she buy all of them? Do we seriously have to send along 2 months worth of clothes? Isn't it her responsibility to at least keep some stuff there for them?

I see where you're coming from.
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  #4  
February 7th, 2011, 11:50 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,042
That's a tough one.

I guess it depends on how often she will have them. For us we never kept Dh's daughter's clothes at our house. They only came to visit 3-4 times per year & it didn't make sense to buy them an entire new wardrobe every time they visited (because they'd grow out of the clothes before we saw them again. We did keep toothbrushes though and bought them anything they need while they were here with us.

If she's going to have them more often, I think it's reasonable to ask her to supply clothes why they are in her care.
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  #5  
February 7th, 2011, 12:16 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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When my kids visited their dad when they were Will & Clayton's age, I had no issues with them packing their suitcase and taking their things with them. They always brought it home and if they didn't, it was inadvertently and they always got it the next week. When I was with my ex husband and his kids visited us, they always brought their things and I would wash everything before I sent them home and I made sure that nothing got left behind. I knew that would have upset their mom.

When Will & Clayton started coming to visit with us on the weekends, for months on end, they would wear the same one out fit and it was a shirt that was two sizes too small and shorts that were either falling off or too tight. I had them change the minute they got here and then they put those clothes back on to go home. Not once did she ever allow them to bring their own things to our house, even when they asked to bring a favorite stuffed animal or toy.

It does seem rather silly to me to play the "well, I'm just doing what she did" game, but at the same time, we really can't afford for them to lose clothes. What I think I might go ahead and do is head to the second hand store and spend about $20 on some stuff that won't much matter if they left behind. In fact, I may just tell her to keep it. And I'll let them take their current tooth brushes and buy them a new one for here, which they could both probably use anyway.

It's such a shame that it has to be like this, ya know?
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  #6  
February 8th, 2011, 11:01 AM
Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 9,042
I think that's a great idea!

And you're right. It is a shame.
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My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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  #7  
February 8th, 2011, 12:06 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 971
It is a shame you have to do that, but you did come up with a good idea!
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  #8  
February 8th, 2011, 05:20 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
That is very sad and I think you've come up with a good idea.
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❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



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  #9  
February 8th, 2011, 07:23 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 930
thats a good idea!
when we visited my DSS for the first time, his mom let us take him out for a couple hours (he was 2), she didnt send diapers/pullups, wipes, sippy cup or a stroller, we went and bought it all for the visit, and shoes that fit him(his were 2sizes too small).
The next week we got him for the weekend and she didnt supply anything for him then either...not too big of a deal. but the monday of that next week she dropped off her 4month old and 4yr old without a bottle, pullups, a change of clothes NOTHING. They stayed at our house for a month.
We ended up buying all their clothes, snowsuits,hats,boot etc. plus diapers,formula for all 3 of them. none of that stuff went home with them, even though we prob. wouldnt see the baby or 4yr old again.
We now have full custody of the baby(hes almost 2) and my DSS(almost 4) and thier brother lives with his dad. But if she ever gets visitiation. I will expect she will want us to send them with their things, so i would probably do the same, go buy it second hand and not care if it came home.
Its a shame!
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