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Do you have problems with your steps "tattling" on you to their other parent? For instance, we had a big pencil bank that Neely and I would put change in. When there was $150 worth of change, we would take it and the kids to the bank and buy savings bonds for them. We have about 6 for each of them so far. We found out recently that Will has been taking change from the bank to buy snacks at school and to spend in the vending machine at the local library. Clayton was in on it a few times too. Needless to say, they are both grounded. Well, Will was on the phone with his mom and he told her about being grounded and why he was grounded and she was upset at the length of his punishment for (and I quote) "taking your own money".
Well, first of all, it wasn't his money till it was turned into a savings bond and even then he couldn't spend it. He knew what it was for and that attitude is the exact reason we have had so much trouble with discipline with him.
So, what do you do when the absent parent seems to undermine you all the time?
I don't have that too much because unfortunatly we have an I discipline mine you discipline yours kinda of deal. Except in extreme instances.
S is a really good 4 year old and P has never really had to tell her anything besides please don't take food into the living room types of things. She also has nothing to say really about her dad's g/f except they had a sleepover or went somewhere.
I also agree with the punishment. Growing up my parents did something like that with us. When one of us was caught taking from it. We had to do extra chores and put the allowence from them back into the "fund"
The times that I had to say something to K about stuff she had twisted it to tell her mom. I know what I said P knows what I said what she tells her mom is different and if thats what her mom wants to believe then so be it.
I'm already limited because of DH, never mind her mom. I'm sure if I was to do something out of "line" for her I would hear it from DH cause she won't complain to me, only him. But I think you did the right thing. Someone needs to teach these kids right from wrong, and if their bio mom isn't going to do it...
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I have had the issue with going to DH but not his mom. I have reprimanded him in front of her before as well too. He was acting up (being extremely loud) in the school one time and she wasn't saying anything to him so I did.
Now we have had issues with DS going to his dad and "tattling" on DH. Basically I told him this...my house my rules, XH has no control over here at all.
In the beginning the step-kids were complaining to their mom when we disciplined them or forced them to, gasp, do their homework before video games or something. I overheard SD on the phone telling her "I wish I wasn't here so I wouldn't have to do this extra work." He was suspended from school at the time (whole 'nother story there) and was disappointed that we were still making him do schoolwork 8 hours a day. It's obvious by missing homework and rough transition days that the rules are pretty lax at her house. I have learned to shrug it off and know they will recognize the difference in households when they are older. I also learned to walk away whenever they are on the phone with her.
No. We don't really have that problem... we've made it clear to my husband's daughter that what goes on in this house is none of her mother's business, and that her mother has zero control over what goes on in this house.
We'll have to do the same with with husband's son, too. He isn't quite... there... with speech. Nothing he says really makes sense. Though, when he is a bit older, I'm sure we'll have the same discussions with him that we've had with husband's daughter.