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My boys' are in the 5th grade. And when they first started school both bio-parents came to open house to meet the teachers and visited for lunch throughout the year. Came to sporting events, school events etc.
Alex's BM has gotten worse as the years go by. 1st grade she came to open house and lunch a few times and that was it. He hasn't seen her at school since his birthday in 2nd grade I believe. She doesn't come to any games he may be in or anything. She doesn't call and when she did call DH about getting him (which was only because DH had to remind her that it was her weekend) she NEVER asked about school etc.
TJ's BD has gotten worse also. He stopped coming to open houses in 3rd grade and hasn't been to the school at all since 4th grade. He doesn't come to any school event anymore and no more visits to the school at all. Matter a fact, I would say that the transition from Primary (K-3) to Elementary (4 & 5) is when all that stopped. He comes to sports games but only Baseball. No Soccer or Basketball games. Correction he came to one game each. He does ask about school when he calls about visitation but again he doesn't come to any school functions.
My husband's ex isn't very active in the kids' lives. Though, we do live far from her. She doesn't even call on a regular schedule, though. She goes a week, week and a half without calling, then she'll call every other day, then every day, then she doesn't call for a while...
We share custody with the BM, the boys live with her and we get them pretty much when we want. Especially because they do not live with us full time we try and be as active in their lives as we can. She is pretty good about giving us notice when there is a school function so we can try and attend and such.
My ex has not seen, nor talked to our child in over 6 years.
My boyfriends ex is pretty involved with their son... I think she could do more but she does see him regularly and do things together with him. It's not the relationship I think a mother should have with her kid... but it works for them!
My daughter's BD met her for the first time after no seeing her a little before she turned a year old (He decided to join the Army National Guard), in some sense, I think it was an easy way out for him to be responsible. But that is besides the point. I told myself when my daughter ask who her BD was, I would sit down and tell her and that is what I did, showed pictures, etc. Just explained to her that we was friends but just wasn't meant to be but in no way, shape or form what she a mistake. But that I am very blessed to have such a great daughter.And she came into my life at the perfect time. Anyways, I never wanted anything from him, partly selfish and hurt on my end because I figured what the hell you are good enough to be a Disney dad but can't be there beyond that. Anyways, We talked and I gave him a chance and he does pay child support on his own free will, we decided on a amount which I think was nice of me considering the courts would ask for more since he is a civilian working for the Army. He sends gifts but is so out of toon of what she likes, etc. However, his mom & sister have called, sent things to her, wants to be a part of her life, etc. The last time they talked was on Skype in Dec 2010, The first time he met her was Nov 2010. She doesn't' ask about him and I explained to her not to get her hopes up, plus my DH is really taken a part of that father role, so she is close to him..
As for my step children's BM, She is a drug addict and hasn't been a part of their life much since I could remember and this was before I came back in the picture, hence the divorce, going through a custody battle etc.. For the sake of the kids, I hope she does get clean, get her life on track and remember she isn't a teen anymore but a 27 year old that is getting older and that doesn't have much time to make something for herself. However, I think after all the evidence we found, etc we are likely to get full custody of the kids and asking for supervised visitation if she gets any..
Both of my daughter's have different BDs. Neither are involved and never really have been, which has been a blessing. My husband is Dad and everyone is happy with that.
Step daughter's mom relinquished custody of her in Aug '10. Custody is joint with us retaining physical residence, although step's BM decided in January after 5 months of limited involvement to be "left alone". She has not contacted her daughter since mid January. BM has mental issues (diagnosed bi polar many years ago, refuses treatment). In the 9 years she had custody of my step daughter the only thing she taught her was instability (hops man to man and home to home), neglect (left her alone with older sibling most nights to pursue her career in local band management. Read: groupie), alcohol abuse (unknown on drug use), physical abuse involving her and whatever man she was shacked up with, my step daughter witnessing acts of violence and being emotionally abused and/or neglected by either her BM or random partner in her life.
DSD's mom isn't involved at all other than every other weekend visitation. My ex is much more involved, but not in things like education or medical decisions. He came up for DS' christmas program at school with his fiance and then we all went out to dinner. He also came up for christmas and comes over for birthdays. As far as the day to day parenting goes though, neither is really involved.
My older girls BM is very involved she is there whenever possile. Their BD on the other hand has signed off all rights. My younger girls BMand BD aren't very involved at all. They only have them when its convenientt to them.
My girls' BD sees them often but pretty much never goes to school events (I think he's been to two conferences in 4 years). He will go to sporting events because he's a big jock and loves to see his kids play sports (evidently school isn't important enough to be involved in).
My SS's BM is very involved. She has them during the school week so she does everything with the school though my DH does go to conferences, open houses, etc. They don't play sports or anything.
I think I'm lucky that my daughter's dad is VERY involved in her life. He sees her twice a week and every other weekend without fail. He attends all of her school/sporting events, and even gives me extra money to pay for things for her - such as soccer in the spring and fall. I'm very lucky that we have a good relationship, we get along better now than when we were together.
Last edited by Annette_; April 9th, 2011 at 10:22 AM.