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Ok so we have decided that adopting the boys is an option for us, well me adopting my DSS and my SO adopting my DD and us both with adopt our DS(not related to either of us).
I have contacted an adoption lawyer, and she told us she only needs one parents consent to send it thru the court. Which is good in both the "step" cases. But with our littlest it is going to be a big issue. Because we dont think either BM or BD will give us adoption rights.
We have full custody, with all rights, which include moving to a different country and not having to ask permission first. The BM has supervised visitation, and BD has visitation whenever we agree....but so far hasnt seen him since the end of august and BM hasnt seen either of them since the end of oct.
The adoption would be just for our peace of mind. In the future I dont need a custody battle because we dont let them see their kids enough kwim? They are mine in every asspect. Our youngest has been in our care since he was 4months old, he has no clue who they are and we are mommy and daddy to him. He will be 2 in june.
They both have special needs, and I dont think they should be in a situation where they might someday have to screw up their routine and their safe places and where they feel comfortable, just because their mom or dad would like them now.
I asked bm straight up on FB last night if since my ex is letting SO adopt my DD, if I could adopt my DSS... she said no, she is not giving up parental rights to her kids and not to bother asking again.
Its frustrating because they really dont care about anyone but themselves. GRRRRR
I'm not sure what I would do. Is there anyway you can petition to have their parental rights terminated? Would there be any chance that you could win, especially if they are not paying child support and not seeing the child.
I dunno. I understand why you want to do it, but it seems like such a long, costly thing. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
I completely understand how you feel! Unfortunately, I also understand how the court system operates.
The court's goal is to give the children the best of both worlds. In this case, they are being well taken care of by you, and they still get to visit/attempt at a relationship with their crappy biological parents. Given the courts views, it might be best to leave well enough alone. The last thing you want to do is push the issue so that it BECOMES a custody battle.
I'm not sure where you are or what the laws are there. But I was able to have my Dh adopt my dd by sending my ex paperwork. If he didn't respond that was in affect his assent to give up his parental rights. He had to be formally served the papers. If he had wanted to respond, he would have had to formally file paperwork which would have cost time & money for him. He was in another state at the time so that helped. He didn't respond/contest so Dh was able to adopt dd. The ex had 30 days to contest. The entire process from start to finish took us less than 3 months.
Not sure if that would work for a child that isn't either of yours biologically but it's worth asking your lawyer.
I know how difficult the decission to upset the balance can be. I am considering letting my partner adopt my kids after our wedding. My youngest DS and my DD are from Donor so its not much of an issue. My oldest DS has a father but they have never met. We want to have him adopt my oldest but a little afraid to upset my ex and have him suddenly want to meet our child.
Some times its better to just leave things be, yet there is some security in knowing its all official....its such a hard decission. Good luck.