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  #1  
March 28th, 2011, 03:54 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Will just told me that when he spent the weekend with his mom this past week that Clayton slept on the sofa and he slept with his mom. I'm sorry, but a 12 year old boy should not be sleeping with his mom. Tell me you agree!
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  #2  
March 28th, 2011, 04:02 PM
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I disagree. There are times my boyfriends 10 year old son has bad dreams/just wants his Daddy and sleeps with him. My daughter is 7 and sleeps with me at times. My niece and nephew are 9 and 11, and even they have their moments of wanting to sleep with their parents.

I see nothing wrong with it at all.
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  #3  
March 28th, 2011, 04:12 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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A 10 year old boy sleeping with their dad, I find nothing wrong with. Your 7 year old sleeping with you is fine. I'm talking opposite gender sleeping together in the middle of puberty. That's what disturbs me.
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  #4  
March 28th, 2011, 05:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
A 10 year old boy sleeping with their dad, I find nothing wrong with. Your 7 year old sleeping with you is fine. I'm talking opposite gender sleeping together in the middle of puberty. That's what disturbs me.
And my position still stands... whether my daughter happened to be a boy, or my boyfriends son a daughter... we both would still sleep with our children if they wanted. My nephew has curled up into bed with his Mom. I really don't see a problem with it as long as both the parent and child are comfortable and nothing is going on.
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  #5  
March 28th, 2011, 05:49 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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And my position stands. Having already raised a boy, I know that my own son would not have slept in my bed with me at 12. And growing up with a brother, I know that there would have been no way in hell that my brother would have wanted to share a bed with my mom at 12.

There are just some things you grow out of and sleeping with one's opposite sex parent is one of those things.
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  #6  
March 28th, 2011, 07:21 PM
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When I had nightmares, I'd sleep on my parent's floor. Even at 12. At 8 or 9, I'd crawl into their bed. Though, when my parents were divorced, I slept in my mom's bed a lot.

That said, when my parents remarried, unless I slept on the floor, I got outta their room. I would NOT have wanted to sleep in the same bed with my dad.

I agree, Rachel. I do find it disturbing. I know out here, that's borderline illegal. Out here, once a child reaches the age of 1, they no longer want them sleeping in the parent's bed, or in their room.
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  #7  
March 29th, 2011, 03:44 AM
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  #8  
March 29th, 2011, 03:53 AM
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I agree with you Rachel. I started when my younger son was 4 or 5 telling him that he was a big boy and big boys sleep in their rooms. If he's scared, he can come in and I'll comfort him but once he's ok again he goes back to his room. (didn't have this issue with older son)
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  #9  
March 29th, 2011, 07:36 AM
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I agree with Rachel. My husband's ex used to let my step daughter sleep in bed with her and her "flavor of the month". A 12 year old should have his/her own bed to sleep in. Comfort the child and then send them back to bed!
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  #10  
March 29th, 2011, 08:31 AM
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Being opposite gender, I can see the concern. I know I would be if it were my daughter or step daughter. I would maybe bring it up to Neely and see how he feels about it. What I find odd is that the lil one slept on the couch. Why did he sleep there and not with them? If it were both boys, I wouldn't bat an eyelash. But with it only being one, my radar would go up.
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  #11  
March 29th, 2011, 08:44 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
Being opposite gender, I can see the concern. I know I would be if it were my daughter or step daughter. I would maybe bring it up to Neely and see how he feels about it. What I find odd is that the lil one slept on the couch. Why did he sleep there and not with them? If it were both boys, I wouldn't bat an eyelash. But with it only being one, my radar would go up.
Neely is not comfortable with it. I talked to my mom about it last night and she thought I should talk with his school counselor, who he has been seeing since last school year, when they moved here. I'm waiting for her to call back.

I'm not sure why she just didn't have Will & Clayton sleep in her bed and have her take the couch. That's what I would have done. But I think I've mentioned before that Will has a very unusual relationship with his mom. It's almost like he reverts to a 4 year old anytime he's in her presence. When he talks to her on the phone, he'll say things like "I wuvva voo" instead of "I love you" and he holds her hand in public and still kisses her on the mouth in public. I dunno, I know I had to fight my older son just to get a hug at that age, and he wouldn't be caught dead holding my hand in public at 12.

I know they are different kids, raised mostly by different parents, but still. It just doesn't seem right for a 12 year old boy to be that attached to his mom.

Oh and thank you all for your input!
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  #12  
March 29th, 2011, 10:47 AM
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I'm with you Rachel, I think 12 is a bit too old to be sleeping with a parent - especially opposite sex parent that he doesn't see often.

And just for reference, I'm a big fan of co-sleeping. Both of my kids slept with me until they were ready to sleep on their own. My dd never even had a crib - but at 7 she had her own bed in the same room as me. Now at just about to turn 9, she's decided she wants her own room. My son is 4 & still sleeps with me but I can't imagine him doing that after the age of 6 or 7. I certainly can't see it at 12. At the rate he's going, he'll be bigger than me by then
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  #13  
March 30th, 2011, 12:57 PM
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That does seem weird to me. I think you are definitely doing the right thing by talking to the school counselor.
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  #14  
March 30th, 2011, 01:57 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Talked with the school counselor today. She agrees that it does not seem appropriate for the two of them at his age to share a bed. She also suggested that now might be a good time to get him in real counseling, so she's going to get me some resources for that. I'm encouraged that she agreed with me and that she's willing to help us get him in counseling. I'll keep you posted!
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  #15  
March 31st, 2011, 12:28 PM
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I agree at 12 he should be in his own bed.

I know when I was a teenager and I was having a rough time I would cry to my mom about whatever my problem was and my dad would go sleep on the couch and after I fell asleep my mom would usually go sleep in my bed. But I was a homonal teenage girl and everything was drama lol.
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  #16  
April 2nd, 2011, 01:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wisey View Post
I agree at 12 he should be in his own bed.

I know when I was a teenager and I was having a rough time I would cry to my mom about whatever my problem was and my dad would go sleep on the couch and after I fell asleep my mom would usually go sleep in my bed. But I was a homonal teenage girl and everything was drama lol.
And you were sleeping with your mom not your dad. Your dad wisely left the room.

Wanted to add. If she is short on sleeping space - why don't the boys sleep in her bed & she sleep on the couch???? That's what I would do if I were in that situation.
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  #17  
April 3rd, 2011, 09:49 AM
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My son used to sleep with me a lot. He's come in in the middle of the night. He's 13 now and has only come in to sleep in my room once since I remarried almost 2 years ago. He'd had a really bad nightmare after hubby had gotten up to go to work. I don't really have any issue with it. He used to get in bed with me and his Dad but he wouldn't do that with his step-dad. I think they naturally grow out of that on their own. I used to sleep with my grandmother a lot as a preteen mostly because she had airconditioning in her room. LOL. I can remember sleeping with her as old as 14 or 15. It was never anything odd or wrong feeling about it. I think it'd be an issue if the kids didn't sleep with you when they were little and now suddenly are.

Me personally... I probably would have put both kids in the bed and me on the couch just because it doesn't seem right to let one of the kids have the bed and stick the other on the couch. Not because of me being in the bed.
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  #18  
April 3rd, 2011, 11:48 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
And you were sleeping with your mom not your dad. Your dad wisely left the room.

Wanted to add. If she is short on sleeping space - why don't the boys sleep in her bed & she sleep on the couch???? That's what I would do if I were in that situation.
She is short on sleeping space. She's living with a friend who has three kids of her own, so I know there is no bed specifically for Will & Clayton. I don't know why she didn't put both boys in her bed and she take the couch. That's what I would have done too.

For the record, I would have no issue with a child of the same sex of any age sharing a bed with their parent. Sarah and I slept in the same bed when we visited my parents last summer. No big deal. I just think a child of an opposite sex who's going through puberty should have his own sleeping space.
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