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Forum: Blended Families

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  #1  
April 12th, 2011, 08:39 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Guide to Step-parenting and Blended Families: How to Bond with Stepchildren and Deal with Stepfamily Problems
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  #2  
April 12th, 2011, 01:22 PM
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That was a really good article. I think in terms of the whole getting used to blended family situation, I'm really lucky. My husband and his ex were never married so there was no divorce to get used to. Also, my stepson was really young when my husband and I started to date so I've been a part of his life for his whole memory.
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  #3  
April 12th, 2011, 02:12 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Hmm if only it was that easy. Neither of our kids recall us being with their parent, yet they didn't exactly settle into the blended family easily. T was too young to recall my divorce, she wasn't even T. She handled it better but is having a hard time with her step sister. Doni doesn't know any other woman besides her mom and myself, yet she has given us the hardest time of all over the years. GO figure.
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  #4  
April 12th, 2011, 02:48 PM
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I really enjoyed that article. Thank you for sharing.
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  #5  
April 13th, 2011, 09:00 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
Hmm if only it was that easy. Neither of our kids recall us being with their parent, yet they didn't exactly settle into the blended family easily. T was too young to recall my divorce, she wasn't even T. She handled it better but is having a hard time with her step sister. Doni doesn't know any other woman besides her mom and myself, yet she has given us the hardest time of all over the years. GO figure.
Will and Clayton don't remember a time when their parents lived together either. Will was 2 and Clayton was around 6-8 months when the separated.
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  #6  
April 14th, 2011, 10:53 AM
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According to the article - we did everything wrong

But of course, we already know that. Life just sort of happened faster than any of us expected. Dh's oldest has had the hardest time with it all but she was 10 when her parents got divorced. She was a daddy's girl & felt very abandoned no matter what dh did. Especially after he met me & I had a dd. Bio mom added fuel to the fire too - saying dh wasn't paying child support & was supporting dd & me when he was giving her 70% of his salary & I've always worked & totally support dd & me & do still.

Anyway, she had a lot of things to deal with. Within 2 years her parents divorced, both remarried & dh & I had a child. Now bio mom is divorced again - marriage only lasted 4 years. (not surprised though she's a serial cheater). I fear with Dh's oldest there is no going back. To be honest it may have ended the same way no matter what we did. She always wanted dh for herself even bio mom has said that.

I do wish I had known more going into it. I definitely would have gotten us some family counseling. It's been hard on all of us.
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  #7  
April 15th, 2011, 06:30 AM
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My2miracles ---> "They" (the so-called experts) claim to leave the children out of child support stuff. However I think that if it's being told to the child that the other party is not paying even though they are, the one paying should pull out pay stubs and prove to the child that it's being paid.

There was one time that my stepson said something, I don't remember what cause it was years ago, about child support. All I remember is that my husband took out his pay stubs and showed him where it had been paid. We also had just received a statement showing he was up to date, so he showed him that as well. Has never been an issue since. (not 100% sure it was an issue issue then...i just remember something was said so hubby showed him. sorry can't give more specifics about it)

Has your husband attempted that with his daughter? Just a thought.
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  #8  
April 15th, 2011, 09:01 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Oh boy the whole bs of the parent not paying support yet they have been. I can't count how many times my DSD has tried to pull that one on us. I used to tell DH not to speak about support with her, but then he explained why does and it made sense. It's not right that DSD would ask her BM for stuff and then tell her that she didn't have the money and go ask her father. Meanwhile DH pays 100 bucks more than what he's is ordered to do so. So from that time on, we've been extremely upfront with DSD and all legal issues. Her mom plays too many games and tries to make DH appear to be a dead beat. Mind you that man paid support even before he was court ordered to. Grrr she makes my blood boil. I need to switch gears before I get really aggravated.
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❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



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  #9  
April 22nd, 2011, 09:07 AM
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Yes, bio mom liked to play the victim even though everything that happened was her doing. Dh took the court order about not discussing child support with the kids literally - his ex chose the other path. It was a year later that it came up with his oldest & I told her the truth. By then so much resentment had built up - about that and other things - that it was too late to repair. She just shifted her resentment to something else.

I don't believe there is any going back now. She is 16 & they barely talk on the phone (they live 4 hours away). She had to put the blame somewhere & she's a momma's girl so couldn't put it there where it belongs. So sad. Perhaps when she's an adult & gets out from under her mother's thumb life will be different. We shall see.
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