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  #1  
April 23rd, 2011, 10:47 AM
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Well Dh's grandmother died this morning. Which is sad but she's 94 & has been in failing health the last few years.

The funeral will be Wednesday 3 hours from us. Dh & I planned to go & take our kids - even though I'm starting a new job on Monday & would have to take a day of without pay.

Now because my kids & I can't go. Dh called his ex so he could tell his 16 & 12 year old. It's their great grandmother. Of course although they weren't close to her, they knew her longer and are "true" members of the family. Me & my kids aren't considered that even though ds is his biologically & he adopted dd. But anyway Dh's ex is going to go & bring his dds. Which means we can't go because we are unwelcome anywhere the 16 year old is. She isn't very stable & isn't a very nice person.

Anyway I could go but I know his dd will cause a scene (not the 1st time). I know she will be mean to my children. And a funeral is not the place for that.

So it's just not right.

On top of that, I'm sure Dh's ex sees this as her opportunity to get back with him. She recently divorced her most recent dh & can't be alone. The only reason dh got a divorce was she had an affair & left him for the guy. So now the fun begins....

Any bets on how much longer my marriage will last?
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  #2  
April 23rd, 2011, 04:34 PM
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I'm sorry. My condolences to the family. I wish I had some words of advise but I really don't on this one. I just hope something works out.
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  #3  
April 24th, 2011, 02:27 PM
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You are darn correct. This is NOT right.

Can you do counseling?

I am so sorry for your loss - and the abandonment by your DH when you should be coming together as a family during this time. It's truly unfortunate and unfair.
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  #4  
April 25th, 2011, 04:36 AM
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No we can't do counseling because his kids live 4 hours away. So distance makes it impossible..
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  #5  
April 25th, 2011, 07:58 AM
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I'm talking about you and hubby.

If my hubby chose the feelings of his ex-wife or teen daughter over mine (which is pretty much what he's doing in this situation), we'd have quite the issue...

He divorced his ex-wife. His daughter is a grown teen. You are his wife - the one he's supposed to treasure and put first. He's caving into fear and a teen's fit at the risk of your feelings. Sounds like something to be worked on.

You mentioned "any bets on how long my marriage will last?" Unfortunately, if he doesn't put you first, resentment will build and it's anyone's guess. Instead, you can get some outside help to get you back on the right track - and help him understand how his dismissing you is counter productive to a healthy marriage.

Does he do this in other areas?

Last edited by katiemama; April 25th, 2011 at 08:00 AM.
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  #6  
April 25th, 2011, 01:15 PM
Arachne
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I don't have any real advice... I hope this works out for you...

You and your children have as much of a right to be there as the ex and your stepchildren. I hope your husband can see that, respect that, and take you and your children along, also.
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  #7  
April 25th, 2011, 07:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katiemama View Post
If my hubby chose the feelings of his ex-wife or teen daughter over mine (which is pretty much what he's doing in this situation), we'd have quite the issue...
I agree. I'm sorry Kris. That is just not fair to you or your children. You're a much bigger person than me, because I'd go and take my kids and let the little primadonna have her fit.
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  #8  
April 26th, 2011, 12:36 PM
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I agree with KatieMama.. Maybe you two can get some counceling. No matter what you will have to deal with one another because of the kids being involved. I would go and if something is done or said then I hope your DH would stand by your side and be there for you and support you.. Keep us posted and I am so sorry for your loss.. If he allows her to mess up your marriage, then he isn't a smart guy to begin with especially after all that you have done for him.. Hold your head up and don't give in to her.
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  #9  
April 27th, 2011, 10:33 AM
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Ok so in ALL other areas, DH is wonderful! He's a great husband, amazing father - the perfect man.

Just when it comes to his ex & his oldest dd - it all goes out the window. When his ex & dd aren't in the picture which is most of the time, our marriage is good.

I made the decision not to go because 1) I don't trust that she won't react and 2) if she does, I don't trust myself not to react to her.

After everything I went through with my ex, the last thing I'm ever going to do is put my self in bad situations. If we had gone today, I would have had to take the day off without pay (3rd day of a new job), pull my kids out of school, drive 4 hours each way to spend time being uncomfortable while his family pays more attention to his ex & his dds than my kids. Dh's mom recently said to my dd Whitney is dh's dd's cousin. Welll technically since Whitney is Dh's cousins kid, Whitney is my dd's cousin too. They just don't see us as part of the family.

In the end, I decided it wasn't worth it to us & it wasn't fair to Dh's family if his dd caused trouble. So the kids & I stayed home. We're going out to dinner and we'll memorialize great grandma in our own way.
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  #10  
April 27th, 2011, 04:28 PM
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I'm glad it worked out for you. You seemed pretty worried about your marriage in your earlier post, so it sounded like things were pretty bad off.

As long as you are happy and feeling like the decision you made was best for you and your family, that is all that matters.

Enjoy dinner and RIP grandma! xo
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  #11  
April 29th, 2011, 12:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katiemama View Post
I'm glad it worked out for you. You seemed pretty worried about your marriage in your earlier post, so it sounded like things were pretty bad off.

As long as you are happy and feeling like the decision you made was best for you and your family, that is all that matters.

Enjoy dinner and RIP grandma! xo
I was very upset when I wrote the original post. And I was a little worried. See his ex just recently divorced again & she's one of those needy, gotta be with a man types. Dh only got divorced because she left him for another man. I know he'd still be with her today if she hadn't left him. So I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if they spend the day together as a family. She still has some kind of hold over him.

Our marriage is good except for this situation. Which honestly could be enough to break us. I hope not but you just never know.
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