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My step son is 3 years old and just a little background. His BM is a drug addict, lives 3 hours away and decideds to call her son once every couple months or stop by and demand to see him.
Jayden is autistic and it has really effected the progress he has made. We just got him potty trained and in preschool, he is now speaking about 20-25 words and is generally a happy boy. Anytime she pops in and out he learns swears, decreases in speaking and pees the bed at night.
I have spoken with the dh about this issue and we have both decided that she should not be involved in his life as I have spoken to her about these issues and tried coming up with nightly calls to be involved daily but again she didnt take that and now she continues to call even at 3 am ...what child is up that late? My question is : is this my business being involved in this, Im very protective of Jayden and I really loathe this woman for the things she has done to this little boy, but do you think this will potential cause a conflict between jayden and I years down the road?
My opinion is it is absolutely your business. This child is in your home, therefore he's your concern. As far as who interacts with the BM, that's between you and your husband.
As to whether or not it'd cause conflict, I think that if he were typically developing it would be brought up but only so he'd have something to yell about when he's feeling conflicted about stuff. However with ASD, it may not be an issue just because it's how it always was and will just be accepted. But even that depends on how high/low functioning he is as he gets older.
You might want to get his doctor involved in the discussion about how much/little contact BM has. Might pull more weight (probably not but ya never know) if a doctor is saying "this is his routine and it needs not deviated from or it will cause him distress." Having the doctor back you up will also help if you end up in court again.
Good luck! I know first hand how hard ASD can be. I wouldn't change a minute of it though. I choose to look at the blessings of ASD instead of the negative.
Thank you for all the advice, I am the primary care giver and I felt and do feel as though he is Mine and I was wondering if my emotions were getting in the way but every bone in my body aches when she is around him, and my heart aches even more when he realizes she's not staying. I think I will talk to his doctor and try and get this into court, to stop the harrasment and constant phone calls in the middle of the night.
Another thought: Do you have the option of turning off the ringer during the night? I know I frequently turn off our phones at night and just rely on my cell phone. And if it's you're cell she's calling, some have a 'block' feature which is AWESOME and I completely wish my new phone had. It still rings in, but without you hearing it ring. It goes to voicemail. That way if it happens to be something worth caring about, you'll know yet the only way you know they are calling in the moment, is if you happen to glance at your phone while it's ringing for them.
(did i explain that clear enough. my brain doesn't function before noon....LOL)
,....Great just when I come up with a solution she decided to move back and not only wants to see her son but take her ex husband ( my boyfriend) too...
Not that dh wants her, just another thing for my mind to worry about....