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  #1  
April 28th, 2011, 11:42 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Calgary
Posts: 176
I have mostly been lurking, but I just found out tonight that my DSD has been exchanging dirty SEXT messages.. with a 19 year old man.

This guy lives in Texas (we're in Alberta Canada) and he's a good friend of my sisters boyfriend (lives in Texas). they start to chat on facebook than on xbox live and than texting. I told them both it was a bad idea and that it was inappropriate to be texting or talking on the phone. They both said oh no we're just friends, and she insisted that she didn't like him in that way. (I had a hunch this was just BS. what 13 year old girl wouldn't like attention from an older guy)

Just today her mom saw text messages on her phone saying things like "I'm touching myself, you make me wet" and long distance phone calls (1-2 hours) and if any of you have called long distance to the USA and it's not covered you know it's expensive.

Her mom flipped out, she was angry, crying and has banned her from all electronics. no phone, computer, xbox. Same goes for over here which I am perfectly OK with.

I am feeling very hurt, betrayed. She lied to me. he lied to me and he was told by me, my sister, my brother and my sisters BF and they all told him to back off. He blatantly did not listen and they even talked about dating. They both knew it was wrong from the get go. She has a lot of trust to earn back from all of us, mostly her mom and myself. Her mom handled it very well they had a chat and DSD apparently feels bad and is very sorry but I won't believe it until she apologizes to me.
I never said anything more to the two of them because I didn't want them to think I was being over reactive or something, and it also wasn't my place. I also didn't know that her mom didn't know they were talking so much. Had I known it had gotten to this level I would have said something way before. But now I feel that I had every right to be concerned. I am pretty sure if her mom knew he was 19 and they were texting/calling she would have put her foot down.

What would you do? Step moms how would you handle it? Should I approach her or wait for her to come to me to say sorry? Moms what would you do if you found out your DD was behaving this way? I am quite disappointed that she would sell herself short like this. She's not that kind of girl. *shake my head*
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  #2  
April 29th, 2011, 12:46 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,051
I can't say what I would do as a stepmom as I don't play that roll at all with dh's dds. But as a mom, I would completely flip if I found out my 13 year old was talking that way! On top of that to an older man.

1st, I'd be flying to Texas to beat his you know what. Then I would locking her up until she was 30.
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  #3  
April 29th, 2011, 07:34 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 2,399
Get his butt locked up as a sex offender. They have finally brought the law to match technology and sexting with a teen is now the same as actually having sex with them. He's over 18 and she's under 16 so absolutely, I'd press charges. (not sure if as a stepmom you can do this yourself, but i'd bet it wouldn't take much to convince mom and dad to do it)

As for her, I agree that she needs to lose her access to all technology. I personally don't feel a 13 yr old needs a cell phone at all and this illustrates why I feel this way. It's too easy to go too far. (i also, now, feel the same way about ipod touch mp3 players too... know a girl who found apps for all sorts of inappropriate things for her age)
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  #4  
April 29th, 2011, 09:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2princes2princesses View Post
Get his butt locked up as a sex offender. They have finally brought the law to match technology and sexting with a teen is now the same as actually having sex with them. He's over 18 and she's under 16 so absolutely, I'd press charges. (not sure if as a stepmom you can do this yourself, but i'd bet it wouldn't take much to convince mom and dad to do it)

As for her, I agree that she needs to lose her access to all technology. I personally don't feel a 13 yr old needs a cell phone at all and this illustrates why I feel this way. It's too easy to go too far. (i also, now, feel the same way about ipod touch mp3 players too... know a girl who found apps for all sorts of inappropriate things for her age)
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  #5  
April 29th, 2011, 09:55 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,051
Normally I would be on the band wagon of getting him charged as a sex offendor. But I know someone who is going through that right now 16 year dd had sex with a 25 year old guy. While they did get him arrested, they are putting her family through the wringer & even accusing the young girl of being at fault. I'm not sure what the mom would say but from the outside looking in, I think it's been more traumatizing to the girl.

I'd be glad he isn't physically near her & cut off all contact.
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  #6  
May 2nd, 2011, 09:36 AM
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Location: NYC
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WOW I don't know how I would handle that. Sorry.
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  #7  
May 2nd, 2011, 12:19 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 196
I would call the police.

She's 13. There is a HUGE difference between 19 and 13. It's not like she's 17 and he's 19. She's a young teen - just barely hit her teen years. Disgusting.

I'm so sorry. I would be on the phone with the Texas sherriff in no time flat.
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  #8  
May 4th, 2011, 12:18 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,680
I do think that the way the 13 year old acted was influenced by the 19 year old guy. While I think that the 19 year old should be punished I agree with the other poster who mentioned it could really put the girl through the wringer if charges were pressed and a case was persued. Also where did your sd learn that language that she was using?? I would be concerned about that! This might not have been her first inappropriate conversation with a guy? Sorry for saying that...but I would wonder.

As a mom I would probably want to contact the guy myself and let him know how inappropriate the contact was and that if he attempted to contact the daughter again I would go ahead and press charges.

I would take away all electronics from the daughter. I would block his numbers from her cell even after I had decided to give it back. I would also put a new passowrd in my wireless router so nobody could sneak online.

It sounds like your husbands ex has pretty much handled the situation on her end. I would think as long as its okay with your husband that you could also talk to your stepdaughter about how disappointed you are in the way she acted.
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