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Hi I will try to make this brief and get to the point.
My DH has 2 kids from Previous marriage. He separated in 99 due to her infidelity. Anyhow, he really got hit hard with alimony and childsupport.
He has always been very vigilant about being involved in his childrens lives. He has driven to see them 1 per week and we have had them with us every other weekend and every holiday. (we live 3 hours away) We had to move, because due to the large amount of $$ we were paying out to her we could not afford to live in the same city, but had to move to a small town where the cost of living was less.
Anyhow, fast fwd to the future. DH and I have been married since 2004 and we have had 1 child and 1 on the way. DH's ex's alimony payments end Dec of this year. Surprise, Surprise she has asked us to take the kids to live with us this fall. Even though we are expecting a baby in Sept. I have agreeded to this. However, the part where I have an issue is, she has stated she still wants Joint Custody, but will not pay us any sort of child support. This is the part that angers me.
I feel she should, for the whole principal of they are her children!!! DH disagrees, he feels we should just be happy to have them and forget the money part. I dont' feel right about it. I feel she should contribute something and she is blackmailing us by saying...."either you get the kids and I pay nothing. or she keeps the kids and we continue to pay her support and do all the driving etc. , she spends nothing on the kids and always wants more $$" Am I being unrealistic? Or does she have a responsibilty? I think the money would help, even if we could manage without it. I feel we can use it later for the kids schooling or to buy them an old car when they start working p/t. I am not looking to profit, but it is the principal. Besides we do have to buy a bigger house when they come to live with us, and more groceries and the usual day to day living expenses.
Anyways, what are others thoughts?
This is causing some great problems in my marriage.
I feel she should, for the whole principal of they are her children!!! DH disagrees, he feels we should just be happy to have them and forget the money part. I dont' feel right about it. I feel she should contribute something and she is blackmailing us by saying...."either you get the kids and I pay nothing. or she keeps the kids and we continue to pay her support and do all the driving etc. , she spends nothing on the kids and always wants more $$" Am I being unrealistic? Or does she have a responsibilty?[/b]
that's what my dh would say, and his ex sounds actually a bit crappier than his ex.
are we talking about joint custody that's 50/50 or like the she gets every other weekend sort of joint custody. how old are the kids?
i would think she should have to pay, but so few things in divorce and child support actually make sense.
Thanks for the reply. Currently we have joint custody- we see the kids every other weekend and all holidays. She wants it the same although, she has stated she can't pick them up every weekend that it is her turn.
She has already told my DH that she will not pay 1 cent and if she has to, she will not allow him to have the kids. She will keep them and make us pay until they are grown up. My thoughts are to call her bluff and say fine....but ofcourse he is concerned about his kids, cause she doesn't seem to care anything about them. The only way she will allow us to have them, is if we draw up an agreement and state that we will not go after childsupport. We are in Canada and I don't even know if this is possible. I feel so angry though, it feels like such blackmail. I feel so powerless, and I hate the whole situation.
How can someone be such a pathedic mother?
While she should pay child support, what is more important? Having the kids and knowing that their okay all the time or trying to fight to get child support that could result in not getting the kids? And you might want to also have this done through the courts, that way she can't try to claim he's taken the kids or something like that.
Having the kids and knowing that their okay all the time or trying to fight to get child support that could result in not getting the kids? And you might want to also have this done through the courts, that way she can't try to claim he's taken the kids or something like that.[/b]
well she is clearly a crappy person, and it would be good just to get the kids away from them. definitely get something legal done w/ lawyers and courts and such though.
and my DH's ex has driven 1/2 way three times in over a year. PITA ex's
Well thanks Ladies.
I feel a little better today. Things have calmed down. We are going to proceed with the legal documentation thru the courts. We will have it say, child support is not to be paid at this time. That leaves it open for the the future. We have done all we can and now it will be up to a judge to accept or deny this. By the time this goes to court the kids will already be living with us, so I doubt any judge would remove them again...So I do have peace about this. I know it is best for the kids and us as a family.
However I still think their mother is pathedic and disgraceful and I am not sure how she lives with herself... that is up to her.