Log In Sign Up

Very frustrating situation!


Forum: Blended Families

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Blended Families LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
May 17th, 2011, 08:32 PM
Newbie
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 3
Iím not sure where to post this since this can related to many issues. However Iím really frustrated with how everything has been going ever since I and my family moved back to the city where weíre from.

I have three children (from 8 to 16) with my first husband who was in military for a long time. Since we have always been on a good term and really doesnít want to decide with lengthy and complicated divorce and custody process, we kept everything as simple as possible. We ended up with joint custody.

I am really regretting this now. My oldest son, Gabe was 12 when I and my family moved out of the state. He really doesnít want to move and want to live with his father. I tried and tried everything to get him to move, but he refused.
When I was gone, he was okay until he get into high school then it all changed. He got into JROTC and decided to go into military once he graduate. He stops caring about school and over years, his GPA dropped from 3.8 to 2.9. He stops taking hard course and takes minimum requirement and focus more on foreign language, JROTC, and history than anything else.
My family who live in the area says that his social life has become more of a mystery over time, even my nephew who attend same high school as Gabe says he barely see Gabe around anymore. Gabe also got involved with water polo team and wrestling team and has become much more aggressive. He even got in a couple fights since then. It got so bad that he was kicked off water polo team!

When we moved back here, I was shocked by what I learned. Gabe has large numbers of foreigner friends most who are older. He also apparently picks up on many dangerous hobbies such as motorcycle riding, underwater spearfishing, skydiving, shooting firearms, and other things. He also has become more aloof toward people over time.
To make things worse, Gabe isnít the type who tells others about what he do or is capable of. He keeps a really low profile which means he might be hiding a lot of things as well. None of other kids are like this.

Gabeís father just say thereís not much he can do and that Gabe is almost an adult so heís treating Gabe as one. But I think he has always been this way.
Iím seriously considering going to court to get full custody of Gabe, but my sister warned me that it might pushes Gabe away from us.
On top of this mess, all of the kids are starting to try pushes for even more privileges and are becoming more restless because Gabe seems to be getting away with everything.

I donít even know what to do or where to start.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
May 18th, 2011, 08:30 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 2,399
Being that he's 16, the judge will most likely highly consider what his opinions are on where he wants to live. As much as it sucks, unless he gets caught doing something illegal, I'm not sure you'd win your attempt. That said, talk to a lawyer and see what they think.
__________________

Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
Reply With Quote
  #3  
May 18th, 2011, 09:36 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 196
Yes, unfortunately with Gabe's age, the courts will ask him where he wants to live and stick with that.

Sounds very frustrating.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
May 18th, 2011, 10:42 AM
Newbie
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 3
Well is it legal for 16 years old to become a certificated skydiver? Make firework? Being around older girls?

Wonít court even care that Gabe is able to shoot a machine gun well? Iím against the idea of firearms, but I can understand teaching kid how to shoot and firearms safety, but teaching a 16 years old how to shoot a machine gun? How to shoot accurately from over 300 yards away?

Isnít it considered irresponsible and reckless to let a teenage drive a motorcycle?

Wonít the court care about how he has been getting in fight and even kicked off the water polo team or how his GPA dropped and make no effort to work hard in school? Or how he is really distant from the family now?

Sorry if Iím ranting, I am just so upset that Gabeís father isnít taking care of him the way I was expecting. I feel that none of those things are something that a 16 years old should be doing.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
May 18th, 2011, 10:56 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 2,399
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anise View Post
Well is it legal for 16 years old to become a certificated skydiver? Make firework? Being around older girls?
If it was illegal for a 16 yr old to become a certificated skydiver, I would imagine the skydiving place wouldn't allow it but you should check into your state laws about it. Making fireworks is iffy. Being around older girls - not illegal.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anise View Post
Wonít court even care that Gabe is able to shoot a machine gun well? Iím against the idea of firearms, but I can understand teaching kid how to shoot and firearms safety, but teaching a 16 years old how to shoot a machine gun? How to shoot accurately from over 300 yards away?
Courts probably won't care if he can shoot a machine gun. I've started to teach my 8 yr old to shoot, doesn't make me a bad mother. This one falls under 'different parenting styles'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anise View Post
Isnít it considered irresponsible and reckless to let a teenage drive a motorcycle?
Not sure what the legalities for driving a motorcycle is as that depends on the state. In California you can be 16 and get your motorcycle license. Motorcycle License Check List

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anise View Post
Wonít the court care about how he has been getting in fight and even kicked off the water polo team or how his GPA dropped and make no effort to work hard in school? Or how he is really distant from the family now?
This part the courts will take into consideration. Not sure which will outweigh the other though in terms of what child wants vs this information here though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anise View Post
Sorry if Iím ranting, I am just so upset that Gabeís father isnít taking care of him the way I was expecting. I feel that none of those things are something that a 16 years old should be doing.
I totally understand where you are coming from. Some of the things you listed would bother me too. I'm not trying to sound heartless about this. I'm just letting you know that the courts *are* heartless. They go letter of the law and differing parenting styles don't matter.
__________________

Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
Reply With Quote
  #6  
May 18th, 2011, 11:15 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 196
Sadly, parenting withough boundaries and discipline isn't grounds for removing children from a home. No matter how frustrating it is.

I'm so sorry.

How long ago did you start noticing these behaviors?
Reply With Quote
  #7  
May 18th, 2011, 12:22 PM
Newbie
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 3
Isnít it illegal for an adult to have sex with minority?

I did some researches and found out that thereís almost no places would allow anyone under 18 to skydive and some may let minor jump if they have parentsí signature. I donít know if Gabeís father signed the waiver but Iím going to ask when I talk to him again.
In meantime, is there a way I can stop him from jumping?

I cringe at the idea of Gabe learning how to shoot just regular firearms or even regularly going to gun range, but I wouldnít stop him. I even let him go hunting with my brother in law a few times. Iím ok with him shooting a machine gun just once or twice to see what it is like.
But handling one and shooting one regularly until heís really good with it? Thatís what I have a huge problem with and am really surprise this is even legal.

Isnít there anything I can do to get his motorcycle license revoked since I never approve it?

I noticed Gabe start changing during first visit. It start with him drinking coffee then next visit, he have numerous scars on hands, knees, and elbows. Then it just becomes more obvious from there. Also my family stay in touch with him noticed it almost as soon as I moved out of the state.
My family suspect that Gabeís father pretty much doesnít know how to be a father and treat Gabe like one of another man on his team.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
May 18th, 2011, 12:29 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 196
If his father is signing off on the sky diving, it's not illegal. Clearly both parental signatures aren't required. Unfortunately, a court might impose a "no sky diving" rule, but that doesn't mean they will force him to move with you. It's a difference in parenting, but doesn't show neglect or will to harm your son.

Can you prove he's having sex with these older women? Not sure about where you live, but the age of consent in my state is 18 and over. Having said that, there is unfortunately quite the double standard for men vs. women out there.

Very frustrating. I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
May 18th, 2011, 02:27 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 2,399
Since you have joint custody and Dad is the custodial of that joint, there is nothing you can do about things Dad has signed off on (motorcycle, skydiving, shooting machine guns, etc). The only that you can control is what happens when he is in your care. There are things that my stepson is allowed to do at his BM's which we do not agree with and vice versa when he is here with us. We have no control of what happens there and she has no control over what happens here.

As for sex with an adult. Do you have honest to goodness proof? If you do, go to the police. If not, I'd suggest trying not to worry about it.
__________________

Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
Reply With Quote
  #10  
May 18th, 2011, 03:02 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
Posts: 114,383
Send a message via Yahoo to Rachel
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2princes2princesses View Post
Being that he's 16, the judge will most likely highly consider what his opinions are on where he wants to live. As much as it sucks, unless he gets caught doing something illegal, I'm not sure you'd win your attempt. That said, talk to a lawyer and see what they think.
I agree with this. I'm not sure what you can do at this point. Did you not have contact with him in the last 4 years?
Reply With Quote
  #11  
May 18th, 2011, 03:11 PM
ToonTownGirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 729
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anise View Post
Isnít it illegal for an adult to have sex with minority?

I did some researches and found out that thereís almost no places would allow anyone under 18 to skydive and some may let minor jump if they have parentsí signature. I donít know if Gabeís father signed the waiver but Iím going to ask when I talk to him again.
In meantime, is there a way I can stop him from jumping?

I cringe at the idea of Gabe learning how to shoot just regular firearms or even regularly going to gun range, but I wouldnít stop him. I even let him go hunting with my brother in law a few times. Iím ok with him shooting a machine gun just once or twice to see what it is like.
But handling one and shooting one regularly until heís really good with it? Thatís what I have a huge problem with and am really surprise this is even legal.

Isnít there anything I can do to get his motorcycle license revoked since I never approve it?
And I know what I was like at 16, but if you start fighting to have these things taken away from him, including his choice of residence, you are going to lose him forever. Yes, I don't agree with any of this either, but just hope that your son will come to his senses and realize that this stuff isn't safe. The courts won't do anything, he's of the age that he can make up his own mind.

Sorry you are going through this
__________________


Thank you
*Kiliki* for my beautiful siggie!

1st Miscarriage - not planned - June 29, 2010

Saskatoon Scrappin'
- visit my blog!


Reply With Quote
  #12  
May 20th, 2011, 10:52 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 8,929
I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. But in my experience, it takes a lot for the courts to say a parent is unfit. Like the others have said, you may not agree with your ex's parenting style but nothing about it is illegal.

As far as sex with the older girls - the girls could be charged but it most probably will be hard to prove. Your ex wouldn't have any fault in the courts eyes on this unless of course he paid the girls.

I hope you find ways to reach your son. I don't think a custody battle over a 16 year old will get you there.
__________________
Kris

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:21 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0