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Advice Needed regarding a trip out of state for SS17.


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  #1  
June 1st, 2011, 12:39 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 1,397
Ok. We recently moved 8 hours from where we lived to another state.
My SS17 had a steady girlfriend in our old state. We have been in the new state since March.
He had asked me about maybe taking him to visit his girlfriend during the summer for a weekend.
He asked this before I found out I was pregnant.

I had told him then that as long as it was OK with dad, that I wouldnt mind heading there on a Friday and heading back on sunday so he could see her SO LONG AS he saved his money and was able to pay all the expenses of everything he did with her. I said I would pay for the gas there and the room for 2 nights and that was it. If he wanted this trip that he needed to save for it and prepare for it.

I think thats pretty fair?

Anywho, I hadnt told him yet that I have talked to his dad because I have not talked to his dad yet. Although his dad doesnt really care usually as long as I dont and I had planned to spend the weekend visiting my friend there and maybe us all going to a pool type theme park.

Fast Forward a few weeks and I find out I am pregnant and due in January. I am also having some issues with progesterone and I have a potential to have placental separations.

I am not sure how I am going to take him now because I am worried to :
1- drive 8 hours
2- risk an accident on the way
3- be that far from my doctors
4-have the "vibrations" of a car ride for 8 hours

All in all I am just worried.

To add to it I saw my nephew (dh's brothers son) and he volunteers himself to go with us? ***?
I would *never* go on an 8 hour road trip with that kid. He does everything he can to get on my nerves ALL the time. No way in hello that i would go 8 hours in a car with him and spend an entire weekend with him. Heck to the NO!
I am a bit aggrivated that SS17 is telling people the "plan" before I have even discussed it with dad.

Suggestions on how to handle the whole thing???!!!???
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  #2  
June 1st, 2011, 12:49 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Do the kids know you're pregnant? I know he's a teen and really won't get it. But if they know you're pregnant you can try to explain how you don't feel right about taking that trip right now because of xyz.

Oh and for the nephew, I would just tell him point blank that he's not invited to the trip.
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  #3  
June 1st, 2011, 12:55 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Oh shoot. Thats the part I forgot to add. LOL. NO ONE knows I am pregnant right now and due to the risk involved in m/c we dont want everyone to know until AFTER 12 weeks. Which is at least 6 more weeks. I had told him that we could go in june sometime as long as everything was going ok w the move and what not.
(we stayed with my brother and sister in law until beginning of May when our house was ready to move into)

Oh and nephew will definitely be told he will never invite himself anywhere with me.
He absolutely bugs the mess out of me and I cant deal with him for more than an hour. I lived with them and I had to just stay away from him. He is 13 and knows EVERYTHING and has a rebuttal answer for EVERYTHING you say.
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  #4  
June 1st, 2011, 12:57 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Ohh I see the dilemma right now. Hmmm can you trust him with a secret? Maybe he'll understand better if you let him in on the "secret."
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❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
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  #5  
June 1st, 2011, 01:06 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Absolutely not. I dont trust him as far as I can throw him.
I am in between a rock and a hard place.

He will probably be mad either way even if I told him the real reason why. He is a very "entitled" child. Although I am the only one who usually does actually do what I tell him I will do, he will probably just see it in his mind as me not going through with what I promised.

Anyway, this is why I dont know what to say to him. And honestly w the stress im under now from the pregnancy possible complications, I just cant handle a 2 year old hissy fit.

He gets it honestly from his dad though.
His dad had a fit because we were going to make fajitas sunday on the grill and the grill wouldnt work...so he was all "I just dont want the fajitas at all, they dont taste the same on the stove"...
entitled...
I think I am ranting now?
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  #6  
June 1st, 2011, 01:08 PM
Super Mommy
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Thats a hard one. Can dad take him on the trip?
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  #7  
June 1st, 2011, 01:14 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wisey View Post
Thats a hard one. Can dad take him on the trip?
Dad would not take him on the trip even if he could. He would rather be here with his family if he were going to be off work. (as would i...but i had sympathy for SS)
He works about 12 hours a day and is on call all weekend and usually goes in to the office on the weekends as well. He is barely able to get off for my baby dr appts.

He promised to take SS to get his permit for 2 years. SS didnt get his permit until we moved states and *I* took him to get it.
His dad is not the most reliable one to depend on something like this unfortunately. But in his defense he is focusing on providing for the family.

So nope..

I thought about just telling SS that I have a medical condition that I dont want to discuss with anyone yet and that I am receiving treatment for it and the dr doesnt want me traveling away for a while. (which is true) I take progesterone every night and my dr really *doesnt* want me going to far since I am at risk.
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  #8  
June 1st, 2011, 01:14 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wisey View Post
Thats a hard one. Can dad take him on the trip?
That's what I was about to say. Perhaps after you discuss it with your husband, it can be arranged that he can take him on the trip.

I would probably tell a teenager the real reason that I couldn't go, but if he has trouble keeping secrets then I understand not telling him.

Good luck!
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  #9  
June 1st, 2011, 01:17 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Wow then I'm out of ideas. Sorry. Maybe tell him dad said no.
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❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
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  #10  
June 1st, 2011, 01:18 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
That's what I was about to say. Perhaps after you discuss it with your husband, it can be arranged that he can take him on the trip.

I would probably tell a teenager the real reason that I couldn't go, but if he has trouble keeping secrets then I understand not telling him.

Good luck!
Ya I would worry he would tell the nephew, and once the nephew knows, EVERYONE knows.
He cant hold water!
I had a really bad pg w DD5 and almost died from the hemorraging (sp?) and there was almost medical necessity to abort. So even at thsi point its like I dont want to tell anyone because what if I end up having to do that? Eh...I just have a lot of emotions running through my mind and the last one I want to involve is SS.
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  #11  
June 1st, 2011, 03:43 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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SS17 just walked in on me vomiting and had the look of horror asking if I was ok.
I'm sure the wheels are spinning...
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  #12  
June 1st, 2011, 03:52 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kangaroo View Post
I thought about just telling SS that I have a medical condition that I dont want to discuss with anyone yet and that I am receiving treatment for it and the dr doesnt want me traveling away for a while. (which is true) I take progesterone every night and my dr really *doesnt* want me going to far since I am at risk.
I would go with this. That way you're still being honest with him. I'd leave off the "that i don't want to discuss with anyone yet" and just tell him you are having some medical issues right now and your doctor has told you that you need to stay within an hour or so away at all times just in case there is problems.
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  #13  
June 1st, 2011, 06:20 PM
Turtlesong's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2princes2princesses View Post
I would go with this. That way you're still being honest with him. I'd leave off the "that i don't want to discuss with anyone yet" and just tell him you are having some medical issues right now and your doctor has told you that you need to stay within an hour or so away at all times just in case there is problems.
I would go with this. Reassure him that you're not at deaths door but that you don't want to discuss the details. Let him know that if you ARE able, that you WANT to take him ASAP. Just that you can't right now.
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  #14  
June 2nd, 2011, 02:10 PM
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You don't have to have a reason to say no. If you feel you need to have a reason, you can say it's a medical issue and leave it at that.

I would apologize to him, though - and I would offer whatever I could to get him there (train, bus, whatever) to make up for it. I would tell him you had every intent to take him, but you simply cannot and I would talk to him - like two adults - about a few solutions.
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  #15  
June 6th, 2011, 07:12 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Ss17 has been at his uncles with his cousins since the news of the pregnancy was busted out by sd8. I honestly don't even know if ss17 knows about the pregnancy.
If he does he hasn't said a word to us about it.
I've been so aggravated lately that I honestly don't care.
Hmm...
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