[Admin-Rachel]

Not only do we pick the kids up at 7:30 (after waiting in the car at 7:10, when we told her we'd be there at 7!), but they get in the car and immediately start begging for food because "they didn't have time to get dinner."

The whole freaking point of her keeping them till 7, is so that she could enjoy dinner with them. So we get home at 8:00 and not only do they need to eat dinner, but they also need to shower and bedtime is 8:30.

I know it's not the end of the world if they don't go to bed at exactly 8:30, but it's a routine that we have established, and a schedule that works for our family and it should be respected. She even said when we dropped them off "so you'll pick them up between 7 and 8 on Sunday?" I said, "no, at 7 because they are still in school for two more weeks and have to get ready for school/bed".

Gosh, I swear she does this crap to work on my nerves. It has to be intentional. I would never drop them off to her at 7:30 at night without them having had dinner. Heck, even when we drop them off at 5, we tell her in advance that they haven't eaten yet.

[AMiner86]

I know exactly where you're coming from. I hate for our schedule to be disrupted especially at bedtime, because tired kids mean cranky kids and nobody wants that.

We went through this all the time while Meyson was in preschool. At the time, my BF's work schedule had him working until 8 and their meeting spot for drop/pick up was on his way home, which would put Meyson home by about 8:30. This would have been do-able if he had dinner and a bath so that as soon as he got home, he could pretty much go straight to bed. I prefer for them to have an 8:30 bedtime, but I can work with 9. He would always come home unfed and dirt from head to toe, which would bump bedtime waaaay back. This not only disrupted his sleep, but also his sisters because it's hard to put her to bed when she sees her brother still up.

I also feel that there's an intent there. Why else would she be doing this?! And honestly how hard is it to feed and bathe a 5 year old?!

[Admin-Rachel]

Even if she wasn't feeling good (and she said she wasn't), they are old enough to fix themselves a sandwich or microwave something to eat quickly. Heck, that's what they did when they got home anyway. I just don't get it.

[My2miracles]

How frustrating!

I used to deal with that when dh's dds were coming more often. They'd get in at 9:30/10pm on a Friday. DD was just 4-5 and I wouldn't be able to get her to bed before seeing her sister. So they wouldn't get to bed until 11:30 & then dsd would get up at 6. She could manage it because she was older but dd would end up melting mid-day. Then I'd hear what a horrible monster she was No she was just a tired little girl totally off her schedule.

[AMiner86]

I think the most irritating part is that having one child off schedule puts your entire house in chaos. I spend a lot of time and energy creating this schedule for my house because it's what works the best. It keeps everyone happy for the most part and even though I don't mind swaying from it to some degree every once in awhile, I hate when it is completely thrown out the window. It's not like I expect every household to follow my routine, but at least have enough respect to try and not throw it completely out of wack.

[katiemama]

What does the custody order say?

[My2miracles]

Originally Posted by AMiner86

I think the most irritating part is that having one child off schedule puts your entire house in chaos. I spend a lot of time and energy creating this schedule for my house because it's what works the best. It keeps everyone happy for the most part and even though I don't mind swaying from it to some degree every once in awhile, I hate when it is completely thrown out the window. It's not like I expect every household to follow my routine, but at least have enough respect to try and not throw it completely out of wack.

So true! That was my biggest challenge when dh's girls were visiting. We didn't have them every other week because of the distance. We never got a schedule or a routine going. It reeked havoc on all of us.

[Admin-Rachel]

Originally Posted by katiemama

What does the custody order say?

We're not exactly following the court order because she refuses to abide by the terms. She's only seeing the kids because we've been gracious enough to transport them both ways. The order states that she's to have the kids from 6:00 p.m. on Friday to 7:00 p.m. on Sunday, every other weekend, plus equal portions of time on major holidays and every Mother's day with her. But it also states that she is required to provide transportation for the pick up on Friday and we're to provide transportation for the return trip on Sunday. She has only picked them up 2 times since July 2009, and is in arrears on child support to the tune of $2,000. Because she doesn't provide any support or any transportation, we told her that we'd do one round trip drop off and pick up per month (the equivalent of what we would be driving if she were doing her part).

The order does not say anything about dinner.