Log In Sign Up

I think I'm not liking this blended family stuff..... *not the board, but my life*


Forum: Blended Families

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Blended Families LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
June 8th, 2011, 05:48 PM
Brighteyed & Caffeinated
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,444
Send a message via MSN to mommy2olliebeans
So the in-laws (John's parents/Jasmine's grandparents) have put me at my wits end here.

We invited them to baby Oliver's welcome party/baby shower this past weekend. John's mother tells him that she will come but his dad does not want to get attached to Oliver so it is unlikely that he would come.

12-noon the party starts on Sunday and people begin to arrive. The party lasted from noon until 3pm. At 2pm, Jasmine's maternal grandparents come to our house to pick up Jasmine for her 2-hour visitation with her biological mother. (John's parents live in the basement suite of Jasmine's maternal grandparents).....
John's parents do not attend baby Oliver's welcome party at all.

At 4pm, we arrive at the grandparents house to pick up Jasmine. I stayed in the car with Oliver, as I had nothing to say to John's parents. Jasmine was sitting in the backyard with her maternal grandparents, paternal grandparents, half-sister, and bio-mother. John takes his parents aside and confronts them.
His parents tell him that they were too busy garage-sailing to come to Oliver's party. They obviously made it back home in time for Jasmine's bio-mother's access to Jasmine. Her access must be supervised by either her mother or father as their are child protection concerns; Jasmine has only seen her mother the past 3 Sundays since June 2008.
His parents do not come to the vehicle to apologize to me or to see our baby son. Oliver is only 8 weeks old.

John's mother has seen Oliver 3 times, and only because she came to our house to see Jasmine. They live a 10 minute drive away from us. It took her 11 days before she came to our house the first time after Oliver was born; she never came to see us in the hospital. The next time was on Easter Monday when she came to our house to see Jasmine.
She has called our house twice, asking to come and see Jasmine.
On two of Jasmine's visitations with her bio-mother, John's mother has come to the side of my car asking if she could come to the house to visit Jasmine that week...
She never mentions Oliver - Never asks to see him or even ask about him.

They are completely disrespecting John and I, and are sneaking behind our backs to have access to Jasmine without having to respect our boundaries regarding our parenting, ect.......

This is so unhealthy for our family, and especially for both Jasmine and Oliver. I don't know how to handle this.

John was thrilled when found out that our baby was a boy. Oliver was to be the first "baby boy Richardson" in the Richardson family since John was born in 1975; he is John's first son. And now his family is completely unacknowledging a sweet innocent beautiful baby boy because of their hatred of me meeting John and taking away their precious grand-daughter.....
__________________
C, mommy to:
4 kids - 3 with feet, 1 with wings
Reply With Quote
  #2  
June 8th, 2011, 07:27 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 1,397
I'm confused on the background. Dh's parents live w bio mom?
__________________

Jade Ja Kang
1-18-12
10:52 a.m.
18.5 inches
6lb 10 oz

Reply With Quote
  #3  
June 8th, 2011, 07:32 PM
Brighteyed & Caffeinated
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,444
Send a message via MSN to mommy2olliebeans
Dh's parents live in the basement suite of bio-mom's parents home. Bio-mom lives down the road from them.

Bio-mom is not allowed to have any children left with her unattended at anytime; therefore, her access to Jasmine must be supervised by either one of her parents....
__________________
C, mommy to:
4 kids - 3 with feet, 1 with wings
Reply With Quote
  #4  
June 8th, 2011, 07:54 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 1,397
Oh. I thought we had it wierd. Lol.
Well what's the deal w the in laws? Why don't they like you?
__________________

Jade Ja Kang
1-18-12
10:52 a.m.
18.5 inches
6lb 10 oz

Reply With Quote
  #5  
June 8th, 2011, 09:30 PM
Brighteyed & Caffeinated
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,444
Send a message via MSN to mommy2olliebeans
I don't actually think it has anything to do with my father-in-law, but the problem is that mother-in-law wears the pants in her family and what she wants happens......

She became very obsessed with dh's daughter when he fought in court to get custody of her. He had his mom's support to help him out with taking care of her as he needed this because he worked full-time; he needed to protect daughter from remaining in foster care (she was apprehended by child services after the maternal grandmother dropped her off at the office after a fighting with bio-mom)...

So for 10 months before I came along, MIL and FIL lived with DH and helped with Jasmine as she was only 5 months old at that time......
When I met DH and then moved in, FIL moved back out of the house and in to the trailer that he and MIL owned..... MIL stayed with us about two months longer and then she left........

She is extremely bitter that dh met me and we built a relatiionship, a family, and didn't need her.

6 months after she moved out, her and FIL sold their trailor and moved in with the maternal grandparents.. One month after that, we sent Jasmine over there for a sleepoever while we went to a vancouver canucks game and they refused to give her back to us and held her for a week......
They stated that I was abusing her.... because she didn't like their bathtub and scratched up her face while she was with them, she had 3 scratches on her leg underneathe her bum where she fell over and got scratched by the decorative trim along the bottom of our wall (we were building a craft together on the floor and she lost her footing as she bent over and fell on to the wall)..... They even went as far as sending a letter to child services to try and have us investigated....

Its been just awesome..... They've been trying for over a year now to destroy DH and I's relationship and push me out of the picture so that they can get back to their obsession over Jasmine...

ETA: FIL even helped me paint the baby's nursery this past February when my dh was in Mexico.... I insisted that I was fine on my own, but he really wanted to help and so I let him. I thought that it went well..
__________________
C, mommy to:
4 kids - 3 with feet, 1 with wings
Reply With Quote
  #6  
June 9th, 2011, 10:54 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,032
As far as I'm concerned, if someone takes your child away from you, it's kidnapping and I would have cut off all contact at that point. There is no excuse for that type of behavior and I would have even gotten law enforcement involved if need be.

You need to make it crystal clear to them that your kids are a package deal. Either you see both of them, or you see neither of them, that simple.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
June 9th, 2011, 12:43 PM
Brighteyed & Caffeinated
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,444
Send a message via MSN to mommy2olliebeans
Quote:
Originally Posted by AMiner86 View Post
As far as I'm concerned, if someone takes your child away from you, it's kidnapping and I would have cut off all contact at that point. There is no excuse for that type of behavior and I would have even gotten law enforcement involved if need be.

You need to make it crystal clear to them that your kids are a package deal. Either you see both of them, or you see neither of them, that simple.
I completely agree with you. I wanted to have law enforcement involved right away, but DH is well a bit of a momma's boy and tends to "let things take care of themselves". We picked up Jasmine on the Friday for *our weekend* and we never returned her. On 5am Monday morning, his mother tried letting herself in to our house with her keys (we had changed the locks though so this did not happen).... She said she had to leave with Jasmine or child services would be involved...

I have a whole notebook of notes that I kept during that week and afterwards. Any contact that either of the grandparents had with us (which was pretty much none until they seeked out bio-mom to take us to court).... We retaliated by limiting contact and it worked for us. However then the court procedings took place. Basically the grandparents sat down bio-mom and told her that she needed to take us to court to have her access re-instated so that her access would be supervised by them again... (sneakingly getting access to Jasmine without having to respect us).....

So this really is a big nightmare. I need to get John and I back in court to try to change her access to supervised by a 3rd party as we had orginally planned, however her lawyer served us with a notice of motion and had interim access set up for the 2 hours on Sundays while we wait for the court hearing in October 2011.......

Limiting contact at this point to the grandparents is completely pointless... They don't call or come here, they basically have free access to jasmine every Sunday as they had planned with the other grandparents......



Of coarse Jasmine does want a relationship with her grandparents... They let her do what she wants, treat her like a baby, and gives her junk food and juice (things we don't allow in our home).... For 2 hours, she has 2 sets of grandparents, older half-sis, and bio-mom catering to her every whim and demand...
However, she is 3 years old.... So she'll take what she can get from them....
__________________
C, mommy to:
4 kids - 3 with feet, 1 with wings
Reply With Quote
  #8  
June 9th, 2011, 12:58 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
OH wow hard situation for everyone involved, especially since she's only 3. We have family members, his side, that used to try to come get on DSD and leave DD and DS behind all the time. We both got annoyed and put our foot down, either you take them all or you take none. Once we put that out there, some listened and others just stopped taking DSD. Which is better IMO because the influence given to DSD was not a good one. I hope it all pans out for you guys.
__________________

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



Reply With Quote
  #9  
June 9th, 2011, 06:28 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
Posts: 114,908
Send a message via Yahoo to Rachel
Quote:
Originally Posted by AMiner86 View Post
As far as I'm concerned, if someone takes your child away from you, it's kidnapping and I would have cut off all contact at that point. There is no excuse for that type of behavior and I would have even gotten law enforcement involved if need be.

You need to make it crystal clear to them that your kids are a package deal. Either you see both of them, or you see neither of them, that simple.
I agree. I'd personally cut off contact with them. They seem to have made it pretty clear that they are only interested in your step daughter. The less you expect out of them, the less chance you have of being hurt by them.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
June 9th, 2011, 07:00 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,680
Wow! I can't believe that grandparents could totally ignore one of their grandchildren. How sad.
__________________
Mom2more






Reply With Quote
  #11  
June 10th, 2011, 08:41 AM
Brighteyed & Caffeinated
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,444
Send a message via MSN to mommy2olliebeans
Thanks ladies.

DH and I talked last night and he is still going on about how we need to just stick together and be united and let them do as they are doing.

I told him that I wanted to change our phone number and stop contact with them. That if they want to use us bio-mom's time to get to know her child, than that is their ignorant choice and they can do so. But they are not to call us, come to our home, or try to get any information.

They are obviously one with the freaky family now (maternal family) and do not need to be trying to harm our family.

I basically told dh that I would not allow myself to be shat on like this, when I have been here pretty much raising his daughter on my own for the past 22 months and doing everything for her that a mother should do.
He says I do everythinbg for her but its not in my heart........
But.. nothing will be in my heart now that I've been treated this way and that my son is being treated this way.

I'm going to talk to him again after work tonight and basically tell him that I am expecting no contact whatsoever with them, as they have made their choice. I have two kids to protect here... Oliver, but Jasmine too, as this is completely unacceptable for Oliver and very much an unhealthy relationship for Jasmine and our family.
__________________
C, mommy to:
4 kids - 3 with feet, 1 with wings
Reply With Quote
  #12  
June 10th, 2011, 12:11 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,032
Way to go for standing up for yourself and your kids! Sometimes men just don't seem to have a clue when it comes to these things and for some reason like to protect the ones that are hurting your family. Stay strong and keep putting your foot down. There is absolutely no excuse for his family to treat your son like this and it's not helping their granddaughter at all either.

Good luck and keep us updated!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:14 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0