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So immature and I don't know what to do.......


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  #1  
June 9th, 2011, 06:11 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So my 14 yr old sd acts like she is about 7 when she is with adults. She has been this way ever since I have known her.....which is from the time she was 8ish. When she talks to adults she gets this overly giggly voice, she snorts and then giggles to see if anyone notices, makes other noises, she makes totally off comments when adults are having a conversation, etc. I have thought that if we include her more in adult conversations and model appropriate behavior she would mature. DH has never seemed to be bothered by her immaturity. But everyone else notices how immature she is for her age. Even my mother in law makes comments to sd at times and tells her to stop acting like a baby (and my mil is the sweetest person ever!) Frankly, I am embarassed by my sd's behaviors a lot.

I love my sd and she is really sweet and loving, but I hate having her around when I am talking to other adults!! For example when with my bff recently we were out on her families boat and we were talking about weather, etc and sd started making indian noises and giggling!! Then today I was with friends and we were laughing about something and she began doing this high pitched fake laugh. When nobody responded to it she began snorting while she laughed and then laughing and pointing out that she had snorted. I try not to acknowledge this behavior so maybe she will stop, but it has not helped.

I have always kind of attributed this behavior with the fact that when she was about 6 her mom picked up and left and has not been much of a part of her life since. And when she does talk to her mom or maternal grandmother she behaves like this and gets lots of attention. But I just don't know how to get it to stop!!! She always wants to be around the adults. When she gets ridiculous with her babyish stuff and we are around people I tell her to go play with the kids. But I will end up repeating myself multiple times before she actually listens. And then I feel mean.

I have talked to her and told her that she needs to start acting like a teenager instead of a little kid. I have told her the things she does that are babyish. She gets a pouty face and then doesn't say anything and stomps off when I am done talking. A few times when DH has actually been embarassed by it he has also talked to her about it with pretty much the same response.

Any ideas on how to help this situation? She is 14 and should be acting more mature!! And I hate feeling like I just want her to get away from the adults and go play with the younger kids....but for my own sanity I find myself doing that a lot lately.
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  #2  
June 9th, 2011, 07:40 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Eh. My 8 year old SD does the baby stuff when she's around dh only. "daddy's little girl" syndrome is what I'm coming up with.
Doesn't do this when shes just hanging out with aunts uncles and other adults. But as soon as dh walks in it's .."daaaadyyy " and "abaji" (Korean for daddy) but she does it in the baby voice. I just bust her out each time and say stop talking like a baby you are 8. That's what I've started doing now. I've asked in private and that didn't work. So now it's time to embarrass her. That usually works.
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  #3  
June 10th, 2011, 09:56 AM
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Is it at all possible that she has something literally wrong? A lot of what you described sounds a lot like what my friend's daughter does (she's 16). She has a mental deficiency diagnosis of some sort but I don't remember what it is.
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  #4  
June 10th, 2011, 10:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2princes2princesses View Post
Is it at all possible that she has something literally wrong? A lot of what you described sounds a lot like what my friend's daughter does (she's 16). She has a mental deficiency diagnosis of some sort but I don't remember what it is.
I kind of had the same thought. Does she have issues in school? with teachers? or is it just around your family.
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  #5  
June 10th, 2011, 11:00 AM
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I too was going to ask if there was something wrong with her mentally. I would ask her teachers if she does this in school, then possibly request that she speak with a guidance counselor in school. Good luck.
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  #6  
June 10th, 2011, 07:49 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thats the thing. She relates to kids her age fine and has lots of friends. Its adults she has a hard time relating to.

I think it may have a lot to do with her mom leaving and that her mom and maternal grandmother coddle this babyish behavior and give her attention for it?
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  #7  
June 11th, 2011, 07:35 AM
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Could be. Could be that she's stunted emotionally. I would suggest getting her counseling. Embarrassing her, pushing her to behave differently will probably only make it worse. I would definitely get her into therapy.
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Last edited by My2miracles; June 12th, 2011 at 12:16 PM.
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  #8  
June 11th, 2011, 09:06 AM
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Ahhhhhh. Ditto Kris. Sounds like some counseling might help her.
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  #9  
June 11th, 2011, 05:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Could be. Could be that she's stunted emotionally. I would suggest getting her counseling. Embarrassing her, pushing her to behavior differently will probably only make it worse. I would definitely get her into therapy.
I agree.

We have the opposite problem with Will (12). He relates fine with adults, but cannot relate to peers. It's because he spent so much time with his mother and never played as a child.
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