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Don't know what to think about this.....


Forum: Blended Families

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  #1  
June 27th, 2011, 12:37 PM
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Well for those that don't know - Dh has 2 dds from a previous marriage. He & I have been together for 6 1/2 years now. From the very beginning, his oldest dd hasn't accepted me or my dd. On top of that Dh & I had a son together. Then Dh adopted my dd which threw oldest sd over the edge. 3 years ago, she opted out of our family. Dh would go visit her - they live 4 hours away but she would never come to our house nor would we go there. For 1 year, we weren't even able to see the youngest dd who wanted to see us but bio mom & oldest sd are very, very controlling. Anyhooo last year, youngest dsd stood up for herself & demanded that her mother let her have time with us. So yay! We've really enjoy being together as a family.

Well this weekend, mil came to visit - oldest sd is staying with her for part of the summer. She told us that oldest sd wants us - all of us to come to see the community play she's in. She's now 16 so I don't know if this is her maturing or feeling left out or what.

Dh & I are very, very cautious because ds is manipulative & calculating. Like coming for the weekend & being very friendly & nice - making me think things were getting better & then on her way out the door - handing me a grievance letter of all the "crimes" I'd committed in her mind over the years (she was 12 then). Anyway, I'm not up for being sucker punched but more importantly I don't want my kids to get hurt. Ds doesn't remember her at all. He was just 2 when she opted out but dd does. And dd hasn't had an easly life because of her bio dad so I'm very protective of her.

But on the other hand, if she is in honestly extending the olive branch, how can I not take it???? I just don't trust her. She reaked so much havoc on our lives before - trying to break us up etc. (long story)
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  #2  
June 27th, 2011, 02:07 PM
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Yeah that's a tough spot and I can understand your concern. I would try this one last time and see how it goes.
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  #3  
June 27th, 2011, 07:07 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Well sometimes at an older age they start changing. For the better or for the worst.
I'd go see her play. But just keep your guard up for you and your kids.
Who knows what might come of it.
I only say give it a shot bc if it turns out good, it will prob make your dh feel good to have a relationship w her.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
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  #4  
June 28th, 2011, 07:04 AM
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Yeah I agree with you ladies. We'll most likely go. I already laid down some ground rules with DH. In the past, we've catered to her at the detriment to the my kids who are much younger (youngest is now 5). So I want to make sure they are fed on time (has happened in the past were they weren't because dh was catering to the oldest) and get enough rest.

The good thing about this particular time is that sd is in a play so she'll be busy. So there won't be a lot if any alone time. Plus mil will be there too so sd will have to be on her best behavior. Bad thing is we'll probably see dh's ex She'll be overly friendly which annoys me but I guess it's better than hostile It's just so fake. Stab us in the back but be sicky sweet to our faces.
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  #5  
June 28th, 2011, 07:42 AM
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I agree that going would be the best idea. If she is being genuinely nice, then it could be a great thing for your family. However if this is some sort of scheme, then consider it the last straw, but at least you'll be able to say that you gave it an effort.

Good luck!
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  #6  
June 30th, 2011, 11:15 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Have you though of leaving your other kids with your family or a friend while you go with dh to see the play? Use the excuse that they would not sit through the play without distracting you from enjoying sd's performance, etc. This way you are taking the olive branch but not exposing your other kids to any hurt that may come from this if it is a manipulative game.

But hopefully this is sd's way of showing that she may have overreacted and she misses her family!
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  #7  
July 1st, 2011, 10:29 AM
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Unfortunately the play is 4 hours away & we don't have family or friends there. So the kids have to come. Plus quite honestly, because we've catered to her my kids have had some meltdowns & she & her mother think they are brats - even though they aren't. They were just little kids without food & enough sleep. So anyway, no way am I going to say they can't sit through a play because quite honestly they can. DD is 9 going on 25 and DS is 5 and has an awesome attention span for a boy that young. He has gone to DD's dance recital for the last 3 years and sat & watch avidly the entire thing.

She hasn't seen them in 3 1/2 years.

Plus I'm not worried about when she's on stage - it's afterwards.
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