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Hi! I'm new to this but am a newly blended family. My bf & I have been together for 4 yrs and have a 1yr. son. And he has 2 kids (16yrg/13yrb) who have lived out of state and only been down during summers to visit until now. They're moving down here to live. His daughter is helpful and follows rules, etc. but the 13 yr. old ran the house at his moms. In the past I let their dad handle disciplining but I think some guidelines & rules need to be established & respected. But I don't want to overstep any boundaries either. Any suggestions on setting expectations & talking to his kids about these together? Please n Thanks!
Before talking to the kids, you need to talk to your BF about what rules you want established in the house since his kids are going to be spending a lot more time there. The two of you need to be on the same page and decide together what is reasonable expectations regarding rules and guidelines. If you two work together as a team, disciple will go a lot more smoothly than if the two of you are divided or unsure of the rules.
Ditto that above. That's the issue dh and I have.
He never had rules for his kids. And still doesn't care about giving them rules. I do.
Since we are never on the same page, his kids , mainly the 17 year old, are causing major issues. His daughter follows same rules as my kids bc they are so close in age. His son doesn't. He thinks since he's older, he has a different set of rules. We are going through issues now bc of it. And ss17 is now temporarily staying at dh's brothers house.
Jade Ja Kang
6lb 10 oz
First welcome. Second, ditto the the advise the other ladies have given you so far. This is the perfect time to sit down and discuss house rules and expectations of all the kids in the house. If you guys can get on the same page it will be so much easier to handle tough situations.
❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11
Thank you for your replies! I think we'll probably talk tonight since the kids are going to be gone with their cousin. I'm a teacher as well and believe in consistency & respect. And I want to avoid any stress or unnecessary turbulence as possible (especially since we have a 1yr. old!!!) I want to protect him as well!
I also have another suggestion. Since the kids are both teenagers if I were you I would stay out of the disciplinarian role as much as possible. Teenagers can be hard enough to deal with....you don't need them thinking you are the bad guy and trying to cause rifts between you and dh to get their way.
Let DH be the bad guy and you be their "friend". I'm not saying you should not enforce the rules, but I think it needs to be approached as these are the rules and you are going to have to deal with your father if you don't follow them. And then dh needs to be consistant in his enforcing the rules and enforcing consequences for not following them.