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  #1  
July 27th, 2011, 04:02 PM
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So part of this is Dh's fault & he recongizes it.....

So a couple of months ago, dh finally cleared it with his ex for his youngest dd to come iwith us on vacation (fyi they live 4 hours from us so we don't get to do the every other weekend thing) So a 1 week vacation is a big deal. Then he "negotiated" for at least the week following vacation. Well, we were all having a good time. Dsd & my dd are inseparable and always have been so they're having a blast. Daycare has been an issue in the past but this summer we hired a college student to watch the kids so it's no extra cost for 1 more. So we just went on our merry way this week.

Enter bio mom demanding to have dsd back and pulling out a 6 year old parenting agreement that we've NEVER followed (she or us). Because of the distance we could do the 1 weekend a month, we didn't enforce all holidays and honestly other than 1 week last summer have never had sds over the summer. I didn't even know they had agreed to 21 days in the summer. Also, for the past 3 Christmases we haven't demanded our time with dsd. Since dh's oldest is no longer welcome in our home, we felt it wasn't fair to separate the 2 sisters at Christmas so settled for New Years instead.

Anyway, now bio mom is all snarky about needing dsd returned by Thursday evening because that's exactly the 21 days Even though that's impossible because dh works. Plus dsd who is 12 wants to stay at least another week. She's having a blast playing with dd & her friends.

We've never followed the decree before what's the big deal? She hasn't given dh any valid reason why dd needs to leave - like a camp or an event or anything. Dsd said she doesn't have anything until her bff's birthday on Aug 23rd. I mean if she called & said dsd had a camp next week, dh would return her no issue.

Like I said, Dh takes some responsibility in this because he isn't a good communicator & then never actually talked about dd staying long. I told him that I think bio mom has 2 fears: 1) we won't pay the cs this month (which completely supports her family) and 2) that dsd may want to stay with us permanently. Then cs goes away completely because she has 1 & we have 1. And when the oldest turns 18 in 1 1/2 years she would have to pay for us. Then she'd have to get off her lazy butt & work
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  #2  
July 27th, 2011, 04:30 PM
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Sorry BM is causing you guys so much drama. I'm sure you're exactly right with her reasoning of wanting her daughter back. BM's that receive CS tend to get pretty frantic when they think that it might be taken away from them.

Hope DH sets her straight and you get more time with you DSD.
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  #3  
July 27th, 2011, 06:10 PM
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May I ask how come you don't get EOW with living 4 hours away? We lived 4 hours away and still got EOW & a month in the summer. Seems weird to me.

Anyway, so sorry she's causing you so much drama. Good luck!
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  #4  
July 27th, 2011, 09:34 PM
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Not sure what EOW means.....

But we've never had her for the summer because I have to work full-time & so does DH & we couldn't afford the $650 a week (yes that's the going rate for 3 kids in Chicago) for daycare for 3 kids.

Looks like dsd is going home tomorrow or Friday. Bio mom has completely brain washed her. Told her that she & dad agreed to Thursday when that is farthest from the truth. Last Wed/Thursday dsd told me she wanted to stay longer - that's after we went & saw her older sister in a play on Saturday. Tonight she told me that after she saw her sister in the play - 1 1/2 weeks ago, she wanted to go home. Not what she told us or how she acted. We know bio mom totally scripted her --- there's a history of it. Unfortunately bio mom has a master's in psychology (dh paid for it) and knows exactly how to manipulate people.

Just sucks completely! But now it's war. Yes war. Christmas we'll have her this year or we'll file contempt of court charges! If she want to follow the parenting agreement to the letter then so will we. She knows she can steamroll over dh but she hasn't dealt with me! I should give her my ex's # so she can learn what a force I am.

Plus we'll run her out of money quickly because she's a lazy b and she lives in a different state than their custody is. So she'll have to come here to deal with things. That costs money.
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  #5  
July 27th, 2011, 10:39 PM
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I do feel your pain and its just not fair that bio mom is being a pita.. I am assuming that EOW is every other weekend???

About the different states, I am not sure how it works in your state, but in ours because my SO ex moved out of state when they have "issues" its dealt with by telephone consultation through the court, they don't have to actually come to the state the order was made in.. (not sure if this applies to you, just a heads up).

I really hope things get better for you and your able to enjoy the rest of your summer vacay!!
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  #6  
July 28th, 2011, 07:07 AM
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Yes, EOW is every other weekend. Sorry about that, forgot you were new to the blended family thing.

The reasons you gave make sense. I'm a stay at home mom so we don't have that problem when we have my SS. (paying for gas for 16 hours in the car every other weekend sucked though!)

With us (we have different state stuff) the original state kept jurisdiction even though BM moved out of state. So BM would have to come back to our state if we ended up in court again. I believe can petition to do her portion via phone, but not sure.
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  #7  
July 28th, 2011, 07:29 AM
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Ugh I'm sorry Kris. BM does that crap with us too. Our court order states EOWeekend during school, and EOWeek during the summer with alternating holidays. Meaning if she had xmas last year, this years DH is supposed to get her for xmas. We have yet to have her ONCE for xmas since they stiped out and agreement back when I was pregnant with my son. BM flat out said that she didn't care what the order said she was never going to give her up for xmas. And now we hardly even get the EOW during school. Don't even get me started on the EOW in the summer. I told DH it's his fault more so than BM. She's a manipulative person and they've both allowed DSD to make the majority of the decisions in regards to visiting. Now she thinks she, DSD, can run the visitation schedule. DH had to put her in her place a few weeks ago and informed her that if she didn't come for her visit he would be going up there with the cops and will have her mom arrested for non compliance of the order. I'm sick of this crap and just wish it would end.
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  #8  
July 28th, 2011, 08:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2princes2princesses View Post
Yes, EOW is every other weekend. Sorry about that, forgot you were new to the blended family thing.
Not new to the blended family thing. Been doing it for 6 years and have been on this board the entire time. Just never saw the acronym EOW. Probably would have figured it out quickly if I wasn't so upset about this situation.

And we don't do EOW because they live 4 hours away. With Dh & I both working with the types of work schedules & commutes that we have it just isn't possible to do EOW. Also the girls are older & involved in activities so that complicates stuff. It's not the we couldn't get it. It's that we're unable to exercise it.
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Last edited by My2miracles; July 28th, 2011 at 08:12 AM.
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  #9  
July 28th, 2011, 09:10 AM
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Gotcha!

Oopsy! Just realized I got people mixed up. Thought I was responding to twoboys. Sorry about that!
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  #10  
July 28th, 2011, 09:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2princes2princesses View Post
Gotcha!

Oopsy! Just realized I got people mixed up. Thought I was responding to twoboys. Sorry about that!
NP it's been quite & now we're all letting loose!
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  #11  
July 28th, 2011, 02:10 PM
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Well - we're done. Dsd is going home tonight. Which means poor Dh will have been up since 4am. Will spend 5 hours driving & delivering. Bio mom will be late - she always is. Then he'll get home around 11 & have up for work at 4.

The doesn't care about anyone else but herself - not even dsd. I won't even get to say good-bye because they'll be on the road before I get home.

But we are so done with the drama that we are looking forward to having our life back to normal. I'm definitely re-thinking next summer.
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Last edited by My2miracles; July 28th, 2011 at 02:14 PM.
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  #12  
July 28th, 2011, 02:29 PM
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