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  #1  
November 20th, 2011, 03:17 PM
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Last edited by loveneverfails; June 29th, 2012 at 06:57 PM.
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  #2  
November 20th, 2011, 06:30 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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I'd wait for him to outgrow it. I don't think it's going to take too much longer anyway if he's 6 now. It's one of those things that for me, I'd let go because there are bigger issues, like having a more than one live in boyfriend in a short time. I'd have much bigger issues with that than what he called a guy that's been in his life (albeit off and on) since he was 3.
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  #3  
November 21st, 2011, 06:10 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Honestly, I wouldn't get involved in something like that. In the grand scheme of things, it isn't a big deal and it isn't a battle I would choose. Also, frankly, it's a dumb nickname and eventually your dss will grow out of it.

He sounds like he knows who his parents are. You can't control what his mother encourages him to do/not to do. You can only control you and how you respond. I would take the high road on this one and let the situation flicker out on it's own. Dss doesn't sound like he's buying into it anyway and continuing to bring it up with bm only lets her know it gets under y'all's skin. Don't let it.
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  #4  
November 21st, 2011, 08:24 AM
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I agree with Rachel, let him out grow it. I'm sure he will.
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  #5  
November 21st, 2011, 12:43 PM
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I guess I don't get why Best Buddy is so bad. It's not daddy. And I agree, he will outgrow it. He won't be calling him best buddy at 9.

When dh & I were 1st married dd started call him stepdaddy. It freaked a few people out even us but it was accurate - he was her stepdaddy. I think best buddy is a good compromise. I'm sure it hurts bio mom to hear her son sa "dad & mom's house" when he is refering to you.
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  #6  
November 21st, 2011, 02:34 PM
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Last edited by loveneverfails; June 29th, 2012 at 06:57 PM.
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  #7  
November 21st, 2011, 05:37 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Here's the thing, though - she can't *force* him to call her boyfriend anything. She can encourage (and for the record, I think it's wrong to pressure a child into using terms of affection that they might not necessarily feel, so I'm not saying it would be a good idea for her to do that) but he doesn't sound like he's really buying into it and he'll buy into it even less as he grows older. No amount of badgering on her part is going to change the way he feels about her boyfriend. Why stress yourself out over something you can't control?

He sounds like he was really young when he used phrases like "other Daddy" - they're just words to him and he doesn't/didn't understand all of the implications those words have. I'm not disregarding the fact that things he's said in the past have hurt your dh. I'm just saying that it's easy to coax a child into parroting something, but the older he gets the less effective her forcing relationships will be. He is his own person and he knows who his parents are. The best thing you can do is to gently correct him if/when inappropriate names are used while he is in your care and otherwise not make a big deal out of it.

If he does have a good relationship with her boyfriend, it isn't a threat to your dh. It just means it's one more person to love on him. If he doesn't and he's just one in a string of boyfriends for bm, then he'll see that for what it is as he grows older. Either way, the relationships between him and all of the adults in his life are different and separate and that's okay.
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Last edited by Keakie; November 21st, 2011 at 05:41 PM.
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  #8  
November 28th, 2011, 06:46 PM
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I think it is ridiculous to try to control what a child wants to call a step-parent/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc. We have had some issues with our kids and I always tell them they can call us whatever they would like (within reason of course). I think it would just confuse them to try to control something like that.
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  #9  
November 30th, 2011, 01:07 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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When I first met Neely he was estranged from Will & Clayton because he erroneously believed that she could deny him access and he had no recourse because he was unemployed and at the time not paying child support. He missed seeing them for a year and then saw them once and then didn't for another year till we finally got court ordered visitation. When he first saw them again Will was 6 and asked him who he was. Neely said "I'm your dad." and Will said, "oh, you're Neely?" At first Neely didn't press the issue. They called him Neely and their mother's boyfriend (now estranged 3rd husband) dad. After 6-8 months and visitation was going well with every other weekend, Neely would correct them when they called him Neely. He would say "you mean, Dad?" We knew that their mom was encouraging them to call him "Neely" and their stepdad "Dad", so he wasn't angry at them, but he made a point to remind them that he was their dad. In fact, we had to pull out their birth certificates and prove to them that he was in fact their real dad because their mom had brainwashed them so badly.

Anyway, I said all that to say, he will grow out of it. Will & Clayton now call their soon-to-be ex-stepfather by his first name. I really wouldn't stress over it.
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  #10  
December 1st, 2011, 09:42 AM
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Names are just names.

My daughter calls her Godparents Grammy and Poppy, I call them mom and dad. They are good friends of the family and always had a house filled with kids so it was easier to yell mom or dad if we needed them. When "mom" was in the hospital and I was pregnant with my daughter I went up to visit her and her Dr. came in and said and who is this "mom" said this is my daughter who is pregnant with my 1st grandbaby.

I think of names like mom and dad and grandma, grandpa are just descriptions of people. Kids will learn who are truely their parents and that is what matters most in my eyes.
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