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First off let me state that I am coming back to jm. After being off the site for about 2 years, just because life got busy. But I find my self coming back on here for the support and guidanc. First off let me start with myself. I'm 23 my daughter is 3 me and her father are no longer together because he has seizures, refused to get help for them and now on bad days can't even remember having a daughter. I am now engaged to my betfriend. He is 34 has two daughters one 9 the other 12. He is a great man and I love that he treats my daughter like his own. My only worry is his daughters. I don't want to be that mom for them they already have a mom.I just want yo be a good friend that they can trust. I never thought my life would go this way but I'm happy it has I'm just looking for support from family's that have. Gone through this.before. sorry about the weird typing unknown my not so smart smart phone lol.
Welcome to the group. You will find a good mix of ladies here who have been through so many different situations, I'm sure more than one can relate.
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❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11
Hi I'm Katie. We have three girls, 1 from his first marriage, and two from mine, and we are pregnant with our 1st together.
I also don't want to take mom's place, but I find the friend role doesn't work when they are kids. They need some level of guidance and authority. Kids thrive off structure and learning to respect parental figures is part of the dance of blended families!
You're in for a challenge for sure but SO worth it!!! I hope you like it here
I agree with Katie, while they're kids being a friend can have some negative effects. I've seen kids try and take advantage of the step parent who didn't exert themselves as a parental figure. You don't have to be mom, but there's nothing wrong with being the motherly figure at dad's house.
I am very much a mom. As my step son would say "She's the boss at Dad's house, even he listens to her!" and as of late he's been trying to figure out how to call me Mom in some manner. He sees me as someone who loves him, protects him and makes rules.. just like the mom he has at home. He knows, if he falls down I will kiss it better and then send him on his way to play again... to him, that makes me a second mommy.
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~TTC #1 together 1 year and counting ~
Battling Estrogen Dominance, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and Recurrent Miscarriage one day at a time
Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/18/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies Hope 07/21/2012@4w1dKonnor 11/24/2012@3w6d"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6dRonen 02/102013@3w5d
Thank you. I guess I'm just worried about the oldest. I just am not sure how to approach this. Since there is 11 year difference between my fiance and I. As well as between me and his oldest daughter. when the girls are over I do tell them to keep there rooms clean and help them with homework and so on. It's just when they get in trouble I have a hard time punishing them because I don't know where that boundray line is. Me and my fiance have talked about it. But I'm still feeling lost in the moment. normally I'm so good handling children of any age. I work at a daycare. But when I'm home alone with the girls I not sure of my role yet. Since me and fiance arnt married yet they arnt officaly my step daughters do im unsure of my role. But I do already love them as my own.over the last two months we have gotten close. They want to show me stuff and wait for me to get home before they have dinner even though I told them to start with out me.
Welcome! I think those are all very valid and normal concerns. Finding your voice as a stepparent is something that will take time, and it can look different for every situation. I'm sure as you adjust you'll start to find your groove, and find a good balance between being a person in authority and not stepping on their bio-parents' toes, so to speak.
They say on average it takes a family SEVEN years to 'blend' so don't be too hard on yourself. I have only been in Chloe's life for a little less than two years, and I still have a long way to go. You guys will figure it out and what works for you. I'm glad you and their Dad have good communication. You guys will do just fine! Just take it one day at a time.
Thank u all. I think some of my problems is also I don't feel like it's my house yet. Due to some money problemse moved faster to the moving in stage then i would of liked. But my daughter needed a roof over her head. My fiance has lived there as a single man for 4 years before me abd hets his girls every other weekend so it still feels like im living in someone elses house, that i feel i dont have athorityover. I know in time I will, just not there yet.
Welcome! Good luck! My dh's oldest was 11 when we got together. I hope you have a better path than we had. Don't want to scare you but that's a tough age. But their parents have been split up for quite a while so that can help.
I disagree with the others on being an authority figure. Dh's youngest just 13. Perhaps it's because she lives in another state & we don't see her often but I'm not a parent to her at all. We get along fabulously & I love her dearly. But I don't discipline her at all - that's up to dh. Fortunately she's a great kid & behavior has not been an issue.
It's a long story with his oldest who just turned 17. We don't have a relationship at all. But I can tell you that she never accepted me in any way & certainly wouldn't have taken well to me parenting her or bossing her around. You'll have to decide your approach based on your stepkid, dh & your situation.
I disagree with the others on being an authority figure. Dh's youngest just 13. Perhaps it's because she lives in another state & we don't see her often but I'm not a parent to her at all. We get along fabulously & I love her dearly. But I don't discipline her at all - that's up to dh. Fortunately she's a great kid & behavior has not been an issue.
Good luck! Can't wait to hear more!
I think that if Chloe wasn't living with us I would probably feel somewhat the same.
I think that if Chloe wasn't living with us I would probably feel somewhat the same.
Yes that does make a difference. And from your siggy I see she's 7. That's a huge difference from 12 in attitude, maturity & personality! So you have to factor that in as well. My dsd was 6 when I entered the picture. She was much more accepting of me than her older sister who was 10 at the time. The teenage years are tough & even bio mom's struggle with their dds during this period. It's much harder being a new stepmom.
Aye ya ya don't even mention teenage years. I have my hands full of that right now.
__________________
❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11
Yes that's why I'm struggling, d/f oldest has just started to have teentude and it's been hard I think o n all of us. On a positive note his oldest has shared information with me that she hasn't told either of her parents so i know I have her trust at lest now injustice worried about losing that trust.
My DSD was 15 when I moved in. She is now almost 17. I don't try to be her parent, but I don't try to be her best friend. I try to me another ear to listen and to give advice to. It take some time, but it will fall into place. Good Luck!
