Am I being mean?

LoriLou35 · #1 February 3rd, 2012, 05:57 AM

A little backstory....

BM has domiciliary custody of Olivia. Our visitation is NOT set by the court. On our pw it just says that visitation will be addressed at a later date. It has never been addressed because BM is afraid we will have child support changed as well. We have always just had a friendly agreement as to visitation. The ONLY visitation that is set by the court for us is the holidays. Well, this Christmas BM went TOTALLY against the court and kept Olivia on Christmas. She basically dropped her off at our house at 9PM on Christmas Eve, and then picked her up the next morning at 6:30....nice Christmas right?
Also there have been NUMEROUS times when we have asked her to switch up days for a family reunion or event, and she has flat out said no. She has told us several times "Perhaps you should plan your events a little better." She is VERY rude about it.

Cut to last night....
We have Olivia AND my kids this weekend. That only happens once a month. BM called Jared to see if we would switch our Saturday for Monday (there is no school). BM's mother has already asked to have Olivia on Friday night, and we agreed to that. Now BM wants her Saturday too? We are going to, in a very diplomatic way, tell her that we can't switch. I just know that the you-know-what is going to hit the fan. Are we being bitter by not making the switch? Kindof, but I am tired of being walked all over. We have switched days with her so many times, but she is just not willing to extend us the same courtesy. She wouldn't even switch when we needed to make arrangements to bring my dad to Houston to treat his cancer. Any thoughts? Am I a bad person?

K.A.T · #2 February 3rd, 2012, 07:52 AM

I wouldn't switch. I've made DH say no because of all the times she refused to budge. I'm a type of person that if you can't bend for me, I won't bend for you and you can f off.

LoriLou35 · #3 February 3rd, 2012, 07:59 AM

That's exactly how I feel right now! What kills me is that BM always says that she bends over backwards for us. I want to ask her to give me some examples of dates and circumstances when she has done ANYTHING that she didn't want to do. It's like she doesn't recall all the times she has been a total B... to us. And believe me, there have been plenty.

Keakie · #4 February 3rd, 2012, 08:22 AM

I don't think that's mean.

You aren't obligated to switch days and you have plans. You especially aren't obligated to throw your plans off if she isn't willing to switch days at your request.

You and your dh are being more than gracious towards her and regarding visitation. It's okay to say no sometimes, and you don't owe her any favours.

Ember Rose · #5 February 3rd, 2012, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by K.A.T

I wouldn't switch. I've made DH say no because of all the times she refused to budge. I'm a type of person that if you can't bend for me, I won't bend for you and you can f off.

This

K.A.T · #6 February 3rd, 2012, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burl Mama x 4

That's exactly how I feel right now! What kills me is that BM always says that she bends over backwards for us. I want to ask her to give me some examples of dates and circumstances when she has done ANYTHING that she didn't want to do. It's like she doesn't recall all the times she has been a total B... to us. And believe me, there have been plenty.

Oh yeah I know that story too. You don't do enough for us but we do tons for you. BS lady you don't do crap for us unless it benefits you in the end. Grrrrr

.Katie. · #7 February 3rd, 2012, 09:37 AM

Holy cow what a crappy arrangement!!!

I agree with the other ladies. Don't budge. I think that's terrible that your kids basically have no day to day relationship. They see their school mates more than their siblings. That's not right.

My2miracles · #8 February 3rd, 2012, 10:50 AM

I don't think you are in the wrong. It's frustrating when they act this way. We haven't followed dh's visitation schedule since bio mom moved them 4 hours away. We don't even enforce holidays. We're supposed to get every other Christmas but decided it best to let bio have Christmas & we'd take New Years.

Anyway, dsd came for an extended stay this past summer (1st time in 6 years) & dh didn't even remember what the visitation said & honestly neither of us even thought about it. Well bio mom called & said I need to have her back tomorrow night because that's exactly 21 days. It was a Thursday - 5 hour drive round trip after dh had worked a 12 hour day

She wouldn't even budge to move it to Saturday. It was ridiculous. Yeah we won't be budging anymore either that's for sure!

plan4fate · #9 February 3rd, 2012, 10:51 AM

I agree with everyone else, I wouldn't budge for her either.

Almost makes me glad we have a "What Reme wants" agreement. Doesn't matter who's weekend it is.. if he wants to be with Dad, if we can take him, he comes over. Heck, I've picked him up at bedtime on a Wednesday because he wanted to be with dad and was sobbing so hard he couldn't sleep! His mom calls those Vacation days. lol

LoriLou35 · #10 February 3rd, 2012, 11:21 AM

Thanks guys! Talked to Jared again, and he hasn't talked to her yet. We'll see how she responds. I have a feeling it won't be pretty, but it is what it is.