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Hello, new here. Wanted to introduce myself and have a question...


Forum: Blended Families

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  #1  
April 17th, 2012, 10:16 PM
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Hello, Just wanted to introduce myself and ask a question.

I'm a mother of two beautiful children. My step-son who is 11 and my daughter who is 8 are the light of my life, they have brought me more happiness than they'll ever know. I met my husband 11 years ago and my step-son was just a baby at the time. Hubby and I dated for two years before marrying, and everything just fell into place. We've always had stress and worry though when it came to how my step-son was being parented by his birth mother. She has had many issues along the way, related to alcoholism, drugs, having random men around my step-son, moving from place to place, no stability, leaving him and her daughter alone all night in an apartment and many, many other things. Then when he was 4 almost 5 he came to live with us, my husband knew she was on a bad road and threatened to take her to court if she didn't hand him over. She complied, but then ended up pregnant 6/7 months later and wanted him back, she claimed she had cleaned up her life and was going to do right this time. She didn't, which I knew back then she wouldn't! Now here we are, he's been living with us again for the last 3 years this time hubby took it to court so theres no "I want him back" non-sense. He did ask for child support, he wasn't going to but by the time it went to court he had enough time to really think it through and felt as though he deserved that much considering, he did the same when tables were turned, and now why shouldnt she? She has visitation, shes allowed every other weekend, of course we would let her more if she wanted to but she honestly never has wanted more.

The problem w/ her is she is pretty much worthless in every sense of the word. Before this went to court he had been living with us for 2 years, she never offered a single cent, never offered to buy clothes, even something as simple as a carton of milk or a few groceries, never offered help at all in any sense of the word. Didnt care too much about anything, never really has. She has moved here, there and everywhere out of state to follow a man w/ money (shes a gold digger that doesnt like to support her child, ironic huh?). Even when she lived in the same town, 15/20 mins away, she still only took part in weekend visitation when it was convenient for her, about every 2/3 weeks. Then of course visitation dropped down to once a month when she moved out of state. Now shes back home, not sure how long that will last.

So, heres the kicker, it only took her 8 months after the court hearing to rack up $1,000 in back child support, she only has to pay under $200 a month, basically hasn't paid one full payment since this whole thing began. Now when they were in court he signed up to use the child support agency right from the beginning so he has that on his side, so it's taken out of her check automatically. When they were in court they asked him if he wanted back child support, and to the judges dismay he refused. I think after seeing how she is and really thinking over that decision, he is kicking himself now. lol Now I can't see why she couldnt keep up w/ her child support because I know she was working as a "dancer", and when I say I know, I dont mean rumors either, I mean I know because of things like pictures posted on the internet. Dancers make a couple hundred a night on average, sometimes several hundred. But, I think if Im informed properly dancers basically work under the table and the child support agency cant track it easily. And I know w/ tax time here my husband should automatically get the $1,000 in arrears out of her tax return, but if she danced all of last year, is there any possibility he will even see a single cent? I'm sure if she could get away with not filing, even if its against the law, she will! Does anyone here know anything more about this?

Thanks in advance and sorry for the length!!

Last edited by browneyedmama; April 17th, 2012 at 10:26 PM.
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  #2  
April 18th, 2012, 06:18 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Welcome to Blended Families! I'm sorry you're in such a tough situation.

I'm not sure how dancers' pay works. Legally, she's supposed to file a tax return regardless but what someone is obligated to do and what they actually do is not always the same thing, especially if the majority of their income is under the table. I'm assuming that income wasn't included in your support numbers in the first place. We're in a similar boat on that one (although our bm isn't a dancer, thank goodness - just sleazy and underhanded).

I'm a little confused about the back support. When you say your dh refused the back support, do you mean he waived it entirely (which is only an option in some states, as typically arrears are between the person owing and the state - but as we've recently learned on this board, it *can* be waived if the party who was supposed to receive that support says so) or he just said he wasn't worried about it on that particular day? If he waived it entirely, I'm not sure that they'll intercept her return.
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  #3  
April 18th, 2012, 07:35 AM
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Her normal hourly wage and tips are supposed to be reported. However, it's up the individual to report their tips. Which is where the bulk of her money would be coming from. She does have to file, even being a dancer, since her boss does have to report some tax income on her. There is a good chance that whatever money she is due back, your DH would be entitled to it first, if she doesn't already owe the government money, then they'll keep it.
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  #4  
April 18th, 2012, 12:37 PM
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Welcome to the board. I'm sorry you're dealing with child support issues. We have custody of my stepsons and they've been here for almost 3 years and we haven't had a penny of support, despite a court order. She's over $4k in arrears. We are in the process of pursuing contempt for failure to pay and she's trying to get the kids back.
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  #5  
April 18th, 2012, 12:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
Welcome to Blended Families! I'm sorry you're in such a tough situation.

I'm not sure how dancers' pay works. Legally, she's supposed to file a tax return regardless but what someone is obligated to do and what they actually do is not always the same thing, especially if the majority of their income is under the table. I'm assuming that income wasn't included in your support numbers in the first place. We're in a similar boat on that one (although our bm isn't a dancer, thank goodness - just sleazy and underhanded).

I'm a little confused about the back support. When you say your dh refused the back support, do you mean he waived it entirely (which is only an option in some states, as typically arrears are between the person owing and the state - but as we've recently learned on this board, it *can* be waived if the party who was supposed to receive that support says so) or he just said he wasn't worried about it on that particular day? If he waived it entirely, I'm not sure that they'll intercept her return.
I was taking it to mean for the custody time he had prior to that, where she should have been paying but wasn't.. not those 8 months.



*hugs* sweetie. I'm sorry things are that tough for you guys! I have no insight, we have a very good relationship with DH's ex wife and things are rarely problematic these days.
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  #6  
April 20th, 2012, 05:26 AM
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Thanks so much for the responses ladies! It's nice to know someones cares and can empathize. I truly envy those who have a decent relationship with the birth parents because I guess deep down I had always hoped things would change. That as a unit, we would be on the same page when it comes to SS. But I'm not holding my breath, it hasn't happened so far I doubt it ever will.

Sorry, I should have explained the court situation a lil better. :-) When it finally went to court, the judge asked my husband if he wanted back support for all the time he was in our care, without even having an order for child support for all that time, and of course since she wasn't forced to pay back then, she didn't. And my husband didn't want to ask for back child support at that point because he was afraid it might interrupt his gaining custody of SS. He just figured she would fight him at that point and then decide not to give SS over willingly. I don't see what choice she had at that point, but whatever, it's in the past now.

All were really worried about at this point is making sure that, since court, whats owed is paid for. It's a shame that shes made the kind of money she has since the court order, but still has no desire to support her child. I know shes denying her son support that's needed, but honestly I think shes viewing it as denying my husband of support. I really think she is trying to hurt him because shes a very bitter person. The last thing I would want to see in this situation is for her to continue you this and get away with it, because honestly, she will never take this responsibility seriously if she doesn't suffer some sort of consequences. Dealing with her is like dealing with a child, in ever sense of the word. From what I can tell, she may dodge those altogether if she's been working under the table. But, then again like a PP said above, if she was dancing, then her boss does have to report something, but I doubt it will even be close to what she really made.

You know, the only thing she was worried about when this all went to court was whether or not hubby was gonna ask for child support. Originally he had said no to her a couple years before, he knew if he had asked her back then SS wouldve never lived with us at all, but then when it came time to go to court he changed his mind and she had the nerve to say "But, you know my situation, I thought you weren't going to ask for child support"..... Situation? You mean the same situation all non-custodial parents are in, you know the kind where you make sure your kid is taken care of to the best of your ability! lol SMH

Last edited by browneyedmama; April 20th, 2012 at 05:29 AM.
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  #7  
April 20th, 2012, 06:59 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Pretty obvious where her priorities were/are, huh? I'm sorry. You're right - we all hope to have good (or at least decent) relationships with the birth parents. It's always a disappointment when it's clear that can't happen.

They probably will intercept her return to cover the arrears. You could file a motion for contempt for anything not covered, as simply not paying is blatant contempt of court. I know it's inconvenient, but it may be your best course of action. A lot of times, when someone is found in contempt they're also responsible for the other party's legal costs (as it's as a result of their actions that the other party had to get a lawyer and file in the first place) if that helps.
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  #8  
April 21st, 2012, 07:11 AM
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Thanks Keakie! I know that another day in court will probably be exactly what will have to happen for him to see anything in the near future.
I know that a person who owes a large amount of child (arrears anyway) Can lose their license, if they own anything it can be seized, or even face jail time. I'm sure though it probably has to be a much larger amount of child support though for any of that to come into play.
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  #9  
April 21st, 2012, 07:22 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Yes, exactly. Someone found in contempt of court can be ordered jail time as well as have fines levied against them (in addition to the enforcement of whatever they were not doing in the first place to be found in contempt).
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