[loveneverfails]

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[Keakie]

Can I ask why you're nervous about her knowing you spend time in his classroom? I think I'm a little confused (and it's probably just because I'm not familiar with your back story ). Are you afraid that if she finds out she will try to have him removed from the school?

If it were us, we'd probably just let her see it and if she confronted us about it we would say something like, "Oh, it was sort of a last minute invitation to join the picture by the teacher. Occasionally I spend time with SPED students in (dss's) class and the day the pictures were done happened to be one of those days. We didn't mention it because we didn't think it would be a big deal. Sorry!"

Something like that is honest, to the point and also adds in that you're sometimes there to work with your own students, not dss.

Saying something about it beforehand might make it seem like a bigger deal than it really is. It might also be taken as you being really quick to defend yourself and thus possibly be going out of your way to hide something (which you really aren't - I genuinely don't see why she would make such a big deal out of it if she knows you work at the school in the first place ).

[Admin-Rachel]

Originally Posted by Keakie

Can I ask why you're nervous about her knowing you spend time in his classroom? I think I'm a little confused (and it's probably just because I'm not familiar with your back story ). Are you afraid that if she finds out she will try to have him removed from the school?

If it were us, we'd probably just let her see it and if she confronted us about it we would say something like, "Oh, it was sort of a last minute invitation to join the picture by the teacher. Occasionally I spend time with SPED students in (dss's) class and the day the pictures were done happened to be one of those days. We didn't mention it because we didn't think it would be a big deal. Sorry!"

Something like that is honest, to the point and also adds in that you're sometimes there to work with your own students, not dss.

Saying something about it beforehand might make it seem like a bigger deal than it really is. It might also be taken as you being really quick to defend yourself and thus possibly be going out of your way to hide something (which you really aren't - I genuinely don't see why she would make such a big deal out of it if she knows you work at the school in the first place ).

I completely agree!

[loveneverfails]

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[Keakie]

If it's going to crash because someone is unstable and long-term peace isn't really viable, it's going to crash no matter what you do or how much you try to prevent it. Please don't feel like it would be your fault if she lost her mind over you doing your job. You can only control your side of the equation, and your being in his classroom to work with other students is not unreasonable and certainly shouldn't be cause for drama.

It is tough to constantly have to wonder whether you're going to get a cooperative, sane bm or a raving vindictive lunatic bm, and to figure out to tip toe around the latter without compromising the best interest of the kids. I definitely know what that's like.

[loveneverfails]

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[Keakie]

Sounds totally nuts. A hyper focus on what their ex does without accepting any accountability for their own actions is a pretty common theme in most of the bm's the ladies on this board deal with.

[Admin-Rachel]

Originally Posted by Keakie

Sounds totally nuts. A hyper focus on what their ex does without accepting any accountability for their own actions is a pretty common theme in most of the bm's the ladies on this board deal with.

Ain't that the truth!

[K.A.T]

I have to agree with everything Keakie has said.

[browneyedmama]

Sorry to hear you have to deal with the constant worry and stress of these sort of situations with BM. My husband and myself understand that feeling all too well. My SS' BM has always been that way, at one time she was a lot worse. And over the dumbest, most trivial things too! Mostly out of need to be in total control.

Do I sound terrible for suggesting you not apologizing or explaining yourself too much?? I guess the way Im looking at it is that shes a grown woman, should you really continue to tip-toe around her? Will that only further enable her craziness? Or would it benefit you guys more by you simply saying that "Yes, I do spend some time in DSS' class because that's part of my job" enough of an explanation??
I mean maybe I'm completely off the mark but when I think of my DSS' BM, we had to pretty much treat her like a child, as sad as it is. When speaking to her DH had to have a quick to the point, this is how it's going to be, attitude with her. If she started throwing tantrums over the phone, DH would simply hang up on her, when she could "behave" he would speak to her(not that he said that to her in those exact words). So I think she over time has figured out she was getting nowhere with him by freaking out on him.

I wish you the best of luck, this sort of thing is never easy. It's a shame that parents like her and my DSS' BM can't see that this truly affects the child in a harmful way and it's very selfish of them to behave like they do!